Destination Unknown

Feelings, nothing more than feelings

2012-02-10T22:34:00.000Z

So. Acting Class.
(What have you done, Gert, what have you DONE?! )

Last week I attended my first Intro to Acting class at the University of Strathclyde. I arrived at the building 10 minutes before start (per my usual penchant for promptness), only to find the doorway locked. I went further down the building, found an open door, and began my 'mouse in a maze' foray for the classroom.

I presumed from the class number that I needed to be on the 8th floor, however when the lift doors opened onto a completely barren and darkened floor I ixnayed the idea of stepping out onto a horror film cliché by quickly closing the doors and going back down to the ground floor. I continued to hunt for a sign, any sign, and eventually located a partially instructive flyer on a wall that I'd literally bumped into.

Long story short(er), I made it to the classroom spot-on but that didn't give me any time to prep the teacher about my hearing disability so I unfortunately I had to do that mid-exercise after being reprimanded for looking at her instead of looking ahead. Not to worry, though, she was cool about it and the rest of the class is helpful as well. [side note: finally got the hearing aids fixed, but still have to go back to adjust the settings. Again.]

While the teacher (a Canadian lady) was handing out stuff to the late comers, I quickly scanned our course outline and found out that I am going to have to write a paper. Fuck. Also, we each have to perform a monologue. Double fuck. And yet, that's not the worst of it (I'll get to that).

Teach starts out the class by leading us in Yoga. According to the course description, we'd have to be able to do a lot of movement, but not a damn thing was said about yoga. I don't mind the yoga, I just wish I had been told so I could have worn appropriate clothing. Sort of hard to bend as it is, but the whole process is a bit more constricted in jeans and a belt, whilst also trying to keep your shirt from flopping over your head and exposing your big bosoms and white belly to the masses.

Also, when the afore mentioned belly is compressed by the afore mentioned belt, the urge to fart increases exponentially. Don't worry, I didn't fart, however I did notice when I got home that I'd apparently gone through the entire class with my zipper undone.

Yup, I am a Goddess.

At first I was the only "lady", as the teach put it, which I think is the college equivalent of being called "ma'am", but then Heather arrived so I didn't feel quite so awkward. We did a lot of exercises the purpose of which we were never told, and our final one involved standing there staring out beyond the audience while they stared at us. For a really long time. Like, longer than an elevator ride. For realz.

It's in my nature at awkward times to make jokes. Teach said, "now imagine you see someone you love coming towards you". Well, I immediately started to think of my Grandmother which then started to distress me and the last thing I wanted to do was CRY in front of people so I quipped, "How about someone that we just really, really like?". For the rest of the exercise I just kept my mind blank and made it out of there.

Once home I started to do some research on the class. Teach said we are learning via the Stanislavski's system, which is "a progression of techniques used to train actors to draw believable emotions to their performances." Oh, gawd. I took this class knowing that I was facing the fear of being the centre of attention, of deliberately drawing attention to myself and that was going to be rough enough but now I find out we are going to have to draw on our emotions?!

I don't do emotions. Emotions are best kept closed off, locked deep down to fester until they cause an ulcer and eventually death. I'm now going to have to learn to access AND experience emotions?

The next class I attended was week 3 of Studio Photography. Since this was pre-hearing aid repair, I spent the first 90 minutes sitting in the back of the room not being able to hear a damn thing anyone was saying and therefore not being able to take notes. Well, I also couldn't take notes because I'd once again forgotten to bring paper and pen. Not packing your bag correctly is one of the results of being awake for two days. I also forgot water. Luckily, there is a drinking fountain. Also luckily, I am not going to be testing for the class, so it's not that big a deal to not know exactly what was being said.

I'm not paying for the class and I'm not going for class credits, but I'd still like to get as much as I can out of the class which is why I got super frustrated at my classmate bogarting the equipment and basically screwing me out of a chance to shoot. For the second week in a row. I stayed after class to ~~snitch to~~ talk with the instructor about booking studio time, but found out that as part-time students we aren't allowed that privilege. So, I delved further about how to get my time and we pretty much agreed that he'd be stepping in to help equalize the share time. I told him I was willing to get tough if I had to, but I'm happier that I won't have to.

Since we are going ahead with the section on Portraits (it was originally removed from the curriculum), I confirmed with my model guy that he's happy to help me so now I need to have a good long think of what sort of Portrait I want to shoot. He's tall and pretty and has a rocking bod so I'm thinking I'd like to take advantage of the indoor studio and shoot something showing those abs and arms. It's like having a live Ken doll, only better ;-D

Oh, hey, did I mention I recently entered a local photo competition? And that I'd won? This photo won (or was one of the winners, I'm not sure - I really need to get over to the display and see) the "Community Life" category.

The Penny Drops

2012-01-31T20:20:00.001Z

Is it weird that the only way I can tell time anymore is by the number of underpants in the laundry...?

I received a letter from the government explaining that the garnishment of my unemployment benefits is scheduled to continue up through April. They've been taking money out every week since November to recoup the council tax that was unpaid from my old flat up the street (for which they hadn't notified me in FIVE years, despite having my address, those incompetent fuckers).

I've already paid in more than the amount owed, but when I spoke to the Council they hadn't received all the money yet. Turns out the job centre only pays the council every month, so they won't be paying again until mid-February. AFTER they pay that money to the council, the council with notify job centre to stop garnishing my wages. And THEN I start the process of trying to get back the money I've now overpaid. They estimate it will take 2-3 months for this to happen. Is it any wonder people go postal?

I got one of my Visa bills, and the minimum due is now $743. The other one's minimum due is $368. Strangely, this is no longer causing me angst. I know that someday (hopefully soon) I will be paying them back, but I can't do anymore than I've already done. I do wish I had been this relaxed about it a year ago, and I wouldn't have wasted all that money trying to save my credit but at least I know I've tried my best and that's okay.

Last week I did a lot of research for my photography class, but kept putting off reading any of it until the last minute. I'm not sure where this procrastination trait came from, but it has developed quite strongly over the past couple of years. I guess you could say it's always been there, as I seemed to avoid doing those things that I really need to do to better myself, but I was always so busy doing anything and everything for everyone else that I never noticed how much I was avoiding. Sigh.

This year is my year of CHANGE, however, so I've been taking great pains (oy, the pain) to change the way in which I approach stuff. For one thing, I did finally make myself read all of the articles I'd printed out. Sure, it was the night before and the morning of my class, but I did read them. And I'm so, SO glad I did.

During class we were put into groups and told to try and recreate the lighting à la David Bailey. It was a lot of fun, and our group was one that came the closest (miles away, but still the closest - yay) and then as our instructor was discussing meter readings and shutter speeds it was like the friggin' penny dropped and I finally got it.

At one point I'd felt like an idiot because the "pro" girl in our group had to change a setting on my camera for me, but when the teach was asking what would happen if we changed the shutter speed from 1/25 to 2 seconds, I KNEW what would happen and she didn't and I was tickled pink to actually understand what the fuck we were talking about. I'm super psyched about the whole class now and can't wait to get back there on Saturday and learn some more.

After class I was still pumped up and thought I might walk home but it looked like it might rain at any minute so I contented myself with taking some photos as I worked my way down Buchanan Street. There is always so much happening in city centre, the least of which is the wide variety of live entertainment acts. There was one guy doing a puppet show, and another guy performing as a statue. Is it correct to apply a verb to someone who sits completely still? I dug through my wallet and found a few coins, mainly pennies, so when I say I dropped a few coppers into his pot I'm being quite literal. Hey, I know he's gotta learn a living, but I'm skint so it was the best I could do.

Continuing on towards the underground I suddenly remembered that my rent benefit came in early so I decided to celebrate by stopping at the grocery store and splurging on something to eat other than canned soup or pasta, only when I got there I had a hard time choosing what stuff to get. It's hard to concentrate when ya gotta poop, so in the end I only made it out of there with some peppers, bananas, and a baguette. The bread went nice with soup, and the bananas were a nice treat for dessert, but I was happy to finally go out on Monday and pick up some meat and veg. Living the high life, I tell ya.

A few nights ago I watched a BBC Documentary: Gay & Transgender Teens - Coming Out Diaries and one girl, Natalie, was having a really hard time with her mum who kept insisting that her son was "just going through a phase" (argh!). One place where Natalie got to be herself was at her intern job at Argos. I was so pleased that Argos had a corporate policy of tolerance, and thought "I should write them a letter and tell them so".

I do that alot, though, think about writing letters to people/companies, but I've never been good at following through. Remembering this is to be my year of change, and before I could waffle out of it, I quickly opened another tab and fired off an email to their Corporate Headquarters. The next day, as I was laying in bed (staying warm), the phone rang and it was Argos calling to thank me for my email! I had a really great chat with the guy, and it felt really good to not only have been a potential counter-balance to any asshole that might have sent a negative email, but to have actually followed through on something.

At the threat of overwhelming myself with all this change crap, I also followed through on submitting my application to the Beginners Acting Class. I have now been accepted, and will be starting the first class this Thursday night. Gulp!

I was originally to be in a Tuesday evening class, which means I had to cancel a paid photo gig I had booked for next Thursday, but I think it's a necessary sacrifice. The mere idea of the acting class scares the beejeesus out of me, so it's gonna take every ounce of my will-power to both attend AND participate. I weighed the pros and cons of just skipping class and going to the photoshoot because as y'all know I desperately need the money, but I also know that if I were to let myself skip that class there'd be nothing to stop me from finding excuses to skip any or all of the rest and it's extremely important to me that I attend all 8 of these classes. Besides, maybe there will be students in my class that would want to use my services to create their portfolios. Ya never know, right?

Call Me When You've Got No Class

2012-01-23T23:22:00.000Z

On the 14th of January (that would be not last Saturday, but the one before) I got up early to shower (you're welcome, Sarah), used my new hair dryer (yay), dressed, and then made my way to town to catch the train to Edinburgh to meetup with Sarah.

First point of business upon arrival is a stop at Starbucks for that beautiful liquid fuel guzzled in the millions, by millions. I last saw Sarah when Ginnie was here in October, so although we see updates on our social sites we still had a lot of catching up to do. Which explains why it was two hours before we took notice of our surroundings and decided to head for another (unknown) destination.

After a couple minutes of deliberation, we quickly settled on going to the Royal Botanic Gardens and set off down the road. It didn't take long before the camera was out of pocket, of course, but all in I managed to restrain myself and only take about 20 shots that day. I'd like to say it was because of the weather, but really I think it was because I was too busy talking and apparently I'm not skilled enough to talk, walk AND shoot.

Halfway through our route we stopped to peer into what we thought was a cool old well, with all these layers of rock, but it turns out that is in fact a piece of public art called "Slate Hole Wall" by Andy Goldsworthy. Whoops. If you are ever in the Edinburgh area, I highly recommend stopping by the gardens. We were there on a cold, blech day and it was still incredibly beautiful. For now I can only imagine how it would look during a spell of sunshine, but hopefully I'll get back over there in the Spring to verify that for myself.

Leaving the Gardens we exited by the Inverleith Park entrance, but opted to head back towards city centre and find ourselves somewhere to eat. Continuing to wander and talk, we somehow managed to miss a turn and found ourselves at the other end of Princes Street, about a half mile out of our way. By the time we settled on a restaurant, we'd gone beyond peckish to full blown famished which is the only explanation I have for the way I hoovered that fucking burger. Damn, that was good!

After lunch we strolled down Princes Street, down through the gardens to the base of the Castle, and then over once again to meetup with Princes Street where we decided the next course of action would be to hop a bus to Sarah's flat for tea and a movie. A three-fer for us, we were immediately able to settle on a film neither of us had seen and both wanted to see: Despicable Me. Cute flick! (it's so FLUFFY!!)

Too soon it was time for me to head back home so I caught the next bus to town, walked down Princes Street to the station, and caught the next train to Glasgow. Once onboard I got out my kindle and just a few pages into it the neurosurgeon decides to take a vacation to Scotland... arrives in Edinburgh and takes a stroll down Princes Street. Spooky!

I had a wee flickr meetup one Thursday evening (uh, two weeks ago?) and we totally lucked out with the weather. I hoofed it over to the BBC, and just as I arrived it started to sprinkle. I dashed under some cover, carefully avoiding the walls and corners and basically any other areas I presume people would have peed or puked on and waited for the rest of the crew to show up. One by one they arrived, the rain stopped, and so we set about taking some night shots. Now, Black Betty isn't really working under the best of circumstances so I was dubious about her ability to work at night, in the cold, without a tripod, but she came through and gave me a couple fun shots for the evening.

Not long after these, though, she kept giving me the finger so I had to put her away and give Hester a go.

A few miles of walking plus a few hours of photo taking in the cold fresh air... you can bet your bippy I slept dang good that night.

Speaking of flickr, I forgot to mention a really weird happening with my stats last month. Normally I average 300 looks per day. Sounds like a lot but considering I have nearly 12,000 public photos that's not exactly awesome odds. However one day, my views were 7,315. Seven THOUSAND three hundred and fifteen. WTF?!? One time I had a shitload of photos make it to explore, but that was due to Pirate day and the fact that I (weirdly) had a lot of pirate-y type photos. So I scrolled through the list of photos viewed, but there wasn't any massive trend that I could see. So weird, but totally cool too.

Continuing with the awesome news, the BBC aired Series 2 of Sherlock and it was fantastic! (heh, bet you thought I was going to say "awesome" again, didn't you?). And I was purely ecstatic to find out that BBC has announced a third series. With all the television shows that I've lost interest in (True Blood, Good Wife, Mad Men, Supernatural, Private Practice, Breaking Bad, and even more I can't remember) it was so nice to have a really good show to watch. For my American buds, I can tell you that Series 1 is available to watch on Amazon in the US, and believe that Series 2 comes out on BBC America in May.

Hmmm, what else... ah, yes, I've been working with my sister Sally on developing my photography as a business. I've been assigned some research homework (which I haven't done) and have also started looking at using WordPress to redesign my website (which I also haven't done). I've been thinking about different products to promote and am trying to not get bogged down by the crushing realization that it is going to take money to make money. I suppose that's a big "duh", but it sure is hard trying to move forward.

I have zero money until the 2nd of February, and even then 50% of that is already spent. I listed a lot of items on ebay, but even then I was playing the odds because if I didn't sell anything I'd be screwed for paying the fees. I've sold three items so far which covers the postage I've spent and the listing fees and will give me about £15 in the bank. Now somehow I need to turn that £15 into more product to sell. If someone could teach me that fish and two loaves trick, I'd be mighty grateful!

I had decided I didn't want to be a photographer for hire, but apparently am not totally against that as I signed up for that Studio Photography class. I attended the first class on Saturday and this is what I learned: I know NOTHING.

The teacher held up a photo and asked what F-stop and shutter speed they would have used and the other folk were all spouting answers that obviously they learned when they were in their basic photography class together while I sat there with blinking eyes, mouth hanging open, and a rapid inner monologue frantically screaming "oh my gawd, I am so fucked".

Luckily we broke for tea, so I was able to go into the hall and turn on my kindle to access google and ask it some questions. Aaaand, I still know nothing. But after break we went about learning to setup some equipment and that was a lot of fun, and soon enough class was over and I could head home to do some research. Which I still haven't done. It's definitely on my agenda to do tomorrow. And every day until my next class on Saturday. Thankfully I'm not getting graded in this (although there is that option, should I wish to take the tests. Um, no.) but I still want to get the most out of this class and starting behind the rest kinda sucks.

Added to all this, my emotional state is kinda iffy. I'm trying to be more open, but every time I allow myself to be a little vulnerable and feel, I get kicked in the teeth. My instinct then is to shut down and close off myself off, but this time I managed to ride out the pain. Gotta say, I don't like it, but it's the only way I'm going to get to the good stuff. Truthfully I'm pretty sure I closed a door, but maybe this time it's more like a screen door.

I've taken a sabbatical from the volunteer centre while I try to get myself sorted, so if I can manage to accomplish 1/4 of the tasks I've outlined then I should be in good shape!

Just get on with it

2012-01-17T02:12:00.001Z

Logging into blogger I see I had some sort of "Year in Review" post planned but just like a New Year's Resolution, this plan quickly fell to the wayside. Nearly three weeks into the new year, and I really don't give a shit about rehashing last year. Lots of good stuff happened (photos published, card shop created and new friends made) and then the usual poo too.

Also, these things.

1) We don't have what I'm used to as pie crusts here. Instead we have pastry crusts. These are similar in taste and texture to a US pie crust, except half the height. Or would it be more correct to say half the volume? So although I literally baked and ate two pumpkin pies, technically I just baked and consumed one. Right?

Either way - TOTALLY worth it.

2) My hair dryer caught fire. Some of you may recall that I'd recently (within the last year or so) had a similar experience. I (obviously) do not have the best of luck with hair dryers, unlike Sally who's had the same one for 30 years. I had a new one when I moved here, what with the whole plug/electricity differences between the UK and the US.

Within a year that fucker died and I got a new one from Petra for Christmas. That's the one that caught fire, at the socket. I went a week without before getting a new Vidal Sassoon dryer. Last month that one caught fire too, but this time it was inside the actual dryer.

I searched and searched online for good hair dryers, and finally found a super sale at Amazon on the BaByliss 5560DU 2100W Elegance Hair Dryer - Metallic Purple (£12 at the time). Screaming deal, great reviews, and I have to say I love this dryer. 2100 watts of drying power, and it doesn't get too hot like other dryers, which is saying a lot because it takes for friggin EVER to dry my hair. Also, this one has a THREE YEAR warranty. Hooyah.

3) At Christmas I finally got my bathroom completed with the bookcase setup and the new black wood toilet seat. I'm weirdly pleased by simple things. Or maybe I'm simply pleased by weird things. Either way I'm happy with how it looks.

4) The demolition of the neighbourhood tower blocks is ongoing. At the rate they are progressing, it will be a year by the time all three buildings are down. In other words, expect to see a lot more pictures.

5) Mid-December I was treated to a lovely lunch, by Tabassum, at Cafe Salma. I enjoyed an Indian curry while she enjoyed a Moroccan dish that I've forgotten the name of. If you are in the area, it's a nice place for a quick but quiet lunch upstairs, or for something a bit more exotic you can book in at the Moroccan themed restaurant downstairs.

6) I'm in desperate want of a proper haircut made more evident by my apparent need to wear a hairnet in my own kitchen. For the love of Pete, how I'm not bald already is a mysetery to me. I'd love to cut it all off, but since I can't afford to maintain a short cut right now I'll stay with the long enough to bundle into a ponytail or braided under a skull cap. Either way I'm on the run from the fashion police, and yet somehow I just don't care. Just another perk to getting older.

...and on to the new year!

On January 3rd, my flickr buddy Joe picked me up at the still dark hour of 7:15am. We were heading over to East Lothian to shoot Bass Rock and Tantallon Castle. As I got into his car I observed it was a bit windy, but lack of coffee dulled the comprehension of just how windy. Turns out we were in the midst of full gale force wind storm stuff, made more apparent as we neared our destination. We arrived 45 minutes before the castle opened, so we drove around to find more things to shoot. It was a beautifully sunny morning, and the light shined so sweetly across the Firth of Forth.

Aaaaand then we tried to get out of the car. I am a strong woman and had a difficult time getting the door open, but persevered until I could exit and brace myself agains the car and take my shot. All the troubles I've been having with Black Betty, I didn't hold much hope for getting a clear shot, so am rather pleased with the end results. Here is Bass Rock, at 8.53am.

I nearly had my leg amputated by the door as I tried to get back into the car, and yet that still didn't deter us from attempting the same thing a few more times. I'd like to say that it was because we are dedicated photographers intent on using our craft to capture a moment for posterity, but really we're just fucking idiots.

At the castle once again, I blew through the front door and was met by a stunned keeper amazed he needed to explain that they were closing the CLIFFTOP castle (because it was UNSAFE YOU MORONS.) Disappointed to have made this 150 mile journey for the second time and still not be able to see the castle, I was damn sure going to take a quick shot from across the field:

Although it was logical to head home, we couldn't help stopping to take another photo of Bass Rock. Here it is at 9.38am. You can see how much the light and weather has changed. That's not fog, by the way, it's mist from the wind blowing over the waves.

Again, we knew we should go home, but I convinced Joe it would be so cool to head down to the shore to see if we could, possibly, get some shots of giant splashy waves. Yes, clearly I'd gone completely insane by this point so it was kind of a "in for a penny, in for a pound" thing. 10.01am, this shot was taken at North Berwick Bay, looking across to the Bass Rock.

I grasped at this point that it was probably wise to head home. For real, this time. Halfway home, we got caught in a traffic jam brought about by an overturned lorry.

Yup, you could say it was windy out.

Gifts of all Kinds

2011-12-26T15:34:00.006Z

Man, I hated doing it and put it off for as long as I could but last week I bit the bullet and sent notification to my creditors that I wouldn't be making my payments. I included a brief explanation of unemployment, etc. and a brief description of what I've been doing to try and get a job. I know it won't make a difference to the fact that I actually owe them money, but hiding away from it won't help either and atleast they are now aware of the situation and know what my plans are.

This sort of stuff makes me very anxious, and twists my stomach into knots, but I feel relief now that it is over and done with. Well, at least that part is over and done with. (ps. I received a really nice reply back, saying they appreciate me being proactive with my finances, etc)

Following my tale of financial woes with an introduction to my new camera seems apropos, yes? Some of you may recall that I'd been without a camera for a long time. Troubles with Black Betty, and the wee Elph taking a dump, I was bereft. My sister sent across her old 20D (Black Betty Jr) with Ginnie when she came over in September, and I've managed to get a few decent shots between those two. However, not having a pocket camera, I was constantly missing out on those unexpected photos.

Recently I was lucky enough to find this one on sale, marked down from £130 to £59, and it feels so good having a camera on hand again. I went to show Petra a particular shot and was shocked to find I had taken over 80 photos without even recalling doing so. Just goes to show how much I see the world around me. Anyhoo, meet Hester:

(photo is Molly, taken by my sister Sally, which I photoshopped on for purposes of demonstration. Cute camera, with an even cuter dog!)

For Christmas Eve and Christmas, Emma came round to my flat to hang out with me. We ate lots of food, chatted a lot, and watched lots of movies. It was great! On Christmas day I logged onto Skype and got to hang out with my sister Sally while she prepared her holiday meal. It was partly like watching a cooking show, and partly like I was right there in her kitchen like old times. At one point she turns back around and says, "Can I get you anything?". Heh. MaryAnn showed up and we chatted for a bit, until it was time for them to eat. Probably could have set me at the table with them, but we signed off and I went in to my own kitchen to make supper for me and Emma. Nothing as grand as what they were having, but still yummy all the same.

Tonight I went over to Petra's for our holiday meal, and that too was yummy. I stuffed myself full and then parked myself on the sofa to watch some Quincy - only to wake an hour later. Still full, but now well rested, I managed to indulge in a couple of my Christmas treats, but dear gawd I'm still so full I'm having trouble fitting any water in. Although I'm starting to think a warm brandy might do me right now.

On Friday I was woken by the buzzer, so I pulled on a robe and opened the door to Postman Brett. After exchanging holiday sentiments, he hands me a package that had travelled all the way from America. Reader Natalie had told me she was sending me a "little something", but this was so much more than the Christmas card I was expecting. The cutest snowman ornament, yummy disappearing American chocolates (I did manage to share some with Emma. Barely), and the softest, warmest hat/scarf/glove set. I couldn't think of a way to express how incredibly AWESOME getting this gift was, so I'm doing something extremely rare here - I'm posting a photo, of me. For other people to see. And I'm not hiding my face. Shocking. A self-portrait, wearing my lovely gift.

This one's for you, Natalie!

'Tis the Season

2011-12-25T17:46:00.000Z

Windfarms and Waterfalls

2011-12-15T18:32:00.005Z

Two weeks ago I had my eyes examined and it was determined that since my last exam (two years ago) my eyes had definitely worsened. It would appear (heh) that I now need three different prescriptions - one for reading, one for computer work, and one for seeing far away. One of the government benefits available to me as an unemployed person is free glasses (the exam is free for all citizens), but there's a limit to what I can get. The gov't would pay for two of the prescriptions only, which meant I could get the varying lenses for the reading and far away and keep my existing glasses for working on the computer.

I've been much better about remembering to actually wear the glasses when working on the computer, but am having a hard time adjusting to the daily-wear ones. I'm fairly certain if I wear them more consistently I won't continue to get the raging headaches, but argh. It's already a bit crowded behind the ears with my hearing aids, and adding glasses is awkward. Finding it awkward as well on photoshoots. Pretty much what happens is that I bring my eyes in a box, my ears in another, and never remember to take either out of the bag. I'm worse than a child. Good thing I don't have yet the need to carry my teeth in a box.

Also two weeks ago I attended a party. Lookit me being all social ~n shit. I did my hair, slapped on some war paint, wore a pretty blouse and high heeled boots - but still wore jeans. Only other option is work slacks and I just didn't see the point. I chatted with several (new) people, even a cute boy that I had so much in common with although I did think at one point I probably owned shoes older than him. We had such a fun time we stayed out past midnight and when I awoke the next morning I was tired but still raring to go for the photoshoot.

Joe (my flickr buddy) and I went to the Kelburn Castle Estate, park, thingy where part of the castle is painted in graffiti.

There's also an awesome glen of trails and waterfalls and as it is off-season we found ourselves pretty much alone the whole day.

When we arrived it was a blue sky, although butt clenching cold, and then we as we climbed up through the trails we got pummelled by a hail storm and then rain. Then it cleared up to sunshine again as we were leaving, of course. The drive home I kept "oohing" and "awwwing" as the absolutely gorgeous scenery. This really is an incredible country to live in. It was so nice to be riding along with another photographer, because he didn't even have to be asked to pull over so I could take some shots. Unfortunately I didn't realize til I got home that I'd gotten schmutz all over my lens, but I'm happy all the same.

I've been doing a lot of work for the the volunteer centre, outside of my two days in their office, and have just taken on another project for the counselling division that involves rebranding and marketing. I had a skype conference with the main marketing guy and am having a lot of fun with this. It's like working, but in a good way. Minus the nice the paycheck, of course, but still worthwhile.

I was so damn proud of myself, having not only created and printed my holiday card address labels but for also having affixed all of the “To” and “From” labels to the envelopes and assembling the cards. Then I went to the Post Office and found out it cost £1.65 ($2.57 US) to post just one card to America. And I have 22 cards with that particular destination. Fuck me. When did the price of a stamp start to equal that of gold?

I thought maybe I should forget the cards and just do postcards again this year, but even then the price is £1.10 each (not to mention £23 to order postcards) and I just don’t have that kind of money. I’m feeling a bit shit that I can’t even afford to send all my family, friends, and customers a Season’s Greetings card. (hey Universe – I’m ready to not be poor anymore!)

Which is why I'm probably psyched that the work programme place I've been attending is hiring employment advisers, and my advisor is helping me compose my kick ass cover letter, giving me a lot of inside jargon to include. He says it is the cover letter that will get me the interview more than my CV. I don't like that for this job I'd have to meet quotas, but figure I'd have the six month probationary period of pulling in a good salary so even if I got sacked after that it would be so worth doing. And who knows, I might even be good at it. I was fretting a little, but figured until I actually get the job there's no point twisting my panties into a knot, ya know?

I bought a wireless card for my desktop system, and when I couldn't get it to work Joe (he's also an IT guy) came over to help but he couldn't get it to work either so last Sunday he came over early and drilled a hole through my wall. All he needs to do now is attach the plate and we can run the cable through and connect me to the internet. I emailed the seller to get a refund on the card, and an RA# to return it, but the part is so cheap that they'd rather I throw it away then to have to reimburse me for return postage. I guess I can put it on ebay, or give to Joe to add to his IT box o' stuff.

After the hole-drilling, we drove back out to the same area in Ayrshire as the previous week, only this time venturing to Dalgarven Mill. I was surprised by the £3.75 cash entry fee, as it wasn't mentioned anywhere on the site. The museum bit was kinda underwhelming, and outside the mill wheel wasn't working. I asked Joe if he thought it looked like the brochure. He says, "I didn't look at the brochure".

"You didn't? Then how'd you know you wanted to see this place?"

"I trusted you - you pick out some cool places, and you've never let me down.... til now"

heh

Leaving the mill, we drove around hoping to happen upon something worth shooting and eventually arrived at the Whitelee Windfarm, Europe’s largest windfarm containing 140 turbines which can generate 322MW of electricity, enough to power 180,000 homes.

Just in case you hadn't garnered this from the name - it was fucking windy there. And windy in December in Scotland is rather, erm, COLD. Also, just as we were walking down to the trails, the rain/hail started. I quickly put black betty jr. (the 20D) in a ziploc bag and tried to take some photos with the pocket camera but this was one time I could have really used the missing bits from my fingerless gloves.

Still... I was outside and getting to take photos. That makes Gertie a happy camper.

Back home I dropped off the camera and then popped over to Petra's for cat cuddles, supper and, apparently, a snooze on the sofa. All in it was a great couple of weekends.

Wine, Paint, & Teeth

2011-11-29T17:34:00.003Z

Friday night was bookclub, a social evening drinking wine and talking about books with an occasional segue into films. My next assigned read is Heartsnatcher by Boris Vian (translated to English, of course). I don't know anything about it other than it was written in French, but I'm excited to see what's in store for me. I need to research a title for our group leader, so if anyone has an idea of a challenging French novel let me know.

After the bookclub I hit the sack pretty early (must have been the wine). On Saturday I ... fuck, I have no clue what I did all day. I do know that it was late afternoon before I could motivate myself to start on the kitchen. I took some photos, removed everything, scrubbed down all the cupboards and gave the walls a quick wash and then once those were dry I began painting.

I started up top, cutting out the edges with the magnolia colour with the intention of using a roller for the bulk of the paint job. Little did I know that neither of the rollers I had would work, so I ended up painting the whole damn thing with the paintbrush. [aside: it has occurred to me that I have now painted EVERY room in this flat, except the living room, by hand with a paintbrush. I almost want to count the "whole" flat since I had to paint the guest room twice.]

Partway through I turned around to look at what had been done and with a sinking feeling thought, "I have made a terrible mistake". Nothing to do but go forward, which I did, and I have to admit that the paint dries to a much nicer colour than what it looks like wet.

Walls done, I set about painting the cupboard door fronts. I had originally wanted to paint the units in their entirety, but 1) there was difficulty removing the doors and 2) once I'd scrubbed the wood it looked quite pretty and I'm opposed to painting over nice wood.

It would have made more sense to try and fix the one door to make it match the others, but that one door is some sort of high-gloss laminate grooved pain in my ass so the decision to paint the rest white was a quick and easy decision to make. I used the magnolia paint for the first coat, to act as a primer, and then on Sunday I went over the doors with two coats of white.

I even used masking tape to square off around the ugly peach/seafoam green "decorative" tiles and painted those bits white. I thought about getting vinyl tile stickers, but the white works just fine for now and the whole project was to use existing product and not spend money (which is good, since I don't have any money).

Once done, I re-assembled the kitchen and took more photos and while I don't think most people would notice much of a difference, I sure do and I'm happy with the results. In addition to painting, the cupboards have been cleaned and re-organized and it feels so much better in there. It's wee, but functional. Now if only I could say the same for myself.

On Sunday I went with Petra and her friend to Luss and then a hike up a small hill in Balmaha. The weather was iffy, and I'm not partial to taking the camera out in the rain, so at certain points I stood under cover while they walked about. I got to see the most beautiful double rainbow, varying in intensity over a period of 15 minutes so I was at least entertained while waiting out the shower.

Yesterday I did more stuff around the flat, getting laundry done and paperwork done and plenty of faffing about on the internet. Today I had my work programme meeting, so I set off early in the hopes of picking up a loaf of bread so I could have my turkey sandwich for breakfast.

I got to the underground only to be told it was closed (flooding!) so I turned around and headed back up the street to catch a bus. Turns out that the huge Glasgow Fire from yesterday was still wreaking havoc on the traffic situation and it took me nearly an HOUR to get to town. I tried to phone my advisor, but the number just rang out so I had to deal with being 20 minutes late. I hate being late, it's so damn rude, but I managed to keep myself calm and not get my panties in a twist over it. Shit happens, right? I've been late twice now in the past 3 years, so all things considered that's not too bad. Still...

Once finished with my advisor, I head over to the blood bank to drop off a pint and then over to the West End for my dentist appointment. Glad I did the blood donation first, as it turned out I needed to get a tooth filled and they don't let you donate if you've just had dental work.

I arrived at the dentist's office about an hour early, so I sat myself down on the sofa and turned on my kindle - but was feeling too sleepy to read and opted for a 30 minute nap instead. One of the things I love most about getting old is the complete lack of shame for doing certain things in public (like sleeping, you pervs).

Before I knew it the totally hot doc was calling me in for my checkup and my internal dialogue started screaming, "OH MY GAWD HE'S SO TOTALLY HOT - OH NO, THERE'S NO TIME TO DO A BOOGER CHECK - MAYBE? NO! THERE'S NO TIME! ARGH". See, being old(er) might come with less shame, but certainly doesn't leave one shameless.

I was originally there for just a checkup, and to price the repair for what I thought was a broken tooth, but it turns out it was only a small cavity that was cheap to fix. I figured if there was ever a time to tap into my bank overdraft, this would be it. Luckily I had a credit balance to my account from last year, so it only cost me £7.54 to get a filling. I had figured £100+, easy, based on prices I used to pay in the US. So glad I asked. It feels awesome to have that taken care of before it became a big problem. Now I just need to save up to go get my cleaning.

The underground was still closed, so I caught a bus and am back home and finally out of the rain. I'm feeling very sleepy, but am trying to stay awake at least until 9. With any luck I'll be able to fall asleep, STAY asleep, and begin tomorrow at the normal hour like I have the past two days. Gawd help me if I get a job and don't have my sleep sorted out. I'll be the Walking Dead.

Bubbles, Beaus and Boobs

2011-11-25T11:26:00.005Z

Dreich
(Old Scots origin)
A combination of dull, overcast, drizzly, cold, misty and miserable weather. At least 4 of the above adjectives must apply before the weather is truly dreich.

Well, then, today is truly dreich.

Thankfully I am indoors, attempting to motivate myself to keep up the momentum I've been moving with all week. I was up early this morning, waiting on the freecycle dude to come get the dvd cases I offered, but alas he was a no-show. Second day in a row so I emailed one of the other interested parties and let them know that I still had them after all if they wanted to come get them. I'll be happy to have those out of the closet.

On Monday I assembled 5 card sets, walked those to the Post Office, then did the yard work (both front and back) which ain't too shabby considering it got dark part way through. Once inside I slapped some hair dye on my head, took a shower, and even managed a partial mani/pedi while I ran a backup on all my computer systems.

I've made my appointments for an eye exam and dental exam next week and scanned and shred nearly half a ream of documents, the remnants of which are now in the recycling bin.

I assembled more photo card sets and took a bunch with me to the women's centre yesterday. I had made the assumption that as Muslims they wouldn't be interested in the holiday cards, but threw in a few packs of those just in case and whaddya know, I sold two sets of "Season's Greetings" and one of "Merry Christmas". Yay. This gives me enough money to pay for postage if I sell anymore online. I've got a coupon on offer, so I'm hoping that there will be more buyers over the weekend. Also sold 3 sets to Petra. There's something to be said for having product on-hand.

I put up my Christmas tree (first time in two years), and a few other decorations around the house, and it looks nice in here. Good thing, as I am having company tonight. If you can believe it, not only did I join a bookclub, I am HOSTING the fucking thing at my flat tonight. Now that's a motivator to get the hoovering done!

I didn't do anything for Thanksgiving other than to mentally make note of things I'm thankful for. For instance, I'm thankful that I'm finally getting my butt in gear. I'm thankful that I'm reconnecting with my sister(s). I'm thankful that although I don't have a job I live in a country able to provide me benefits that are enough to put a roof over my head and food in my belly. I'm thankful so many people like my photos. I'm thankful I still have a sense of humour, and that despite all my physical ailments and money woes, I'm still damn cute.

Heh.

Speaking of cute... I was chatting online with an old beau last night and he mentions that he has a photo of our last night we spent together at his place, drinking wine, and bubbles in the tub.

(blink)(blink)

Um. What?!

First off, I have absolutely NO recollection of being in a tub and certainly would never have agreed to a photo. But the mention of wine makes me wonder and although I'm wondering if perhaps that ain't ME he's remembering, I have zero desire to see said photo. Yikes.

Later, as we were signing off, he asked me to email him some photos. Something personal.

This girlie doesn't do photos, especially THOSE kinds of photos

NO! Not your breasts, or anything. Send me a photo of something personal, something close to your heart.

ok, phew. Cos just so you know, those are nowhere close to my heart anymore...

I've started a new goal to "Walk 500 miles, then walk 500 more, just to be the one who walked 1000 miles". Only 981 miles to go (at the time of this entry)! (note: this ticker will automatically update when I add miles)

I spent 5 hours at the volunteer centre yesterday, catching up and doing some wee projects and picking up a side job that will let me buy a bit of winter heat. I then went over to Petra's for a quick visit, bringing along the things I've meant to take over there and picking up the things she'd set aside for me and also getting ice cream and cat cuddles for my trouble. Well worth stepping out into that weather!

Also yesterday, I received an email response from the City of Glasgow college regarding their Studio Photography course. When I was scanning all those documents I ran across my ILA coupon for government sponsored education and fired off an email to the school to enquire about course availability and now I'm booked to start in late January! It runs for 10 Saturdays, and will teach "basic introduction to the equipment and techniques of studio photography, including portraiture and still life work." Exciting stuff.

My big task(s) on today's agenda are to 1) dust & hoover, 2) wash dishes, 3) finish reading bookclub book. If I manage to have any time leftover, I NEED to get my items listed to ebay. Saturday I need to run to town to pick up a couple of items and then I'd like to get the kitchen painted. I still have the bucket of magnolia paint (sort of a dark cream/light beige colour) leftover from when they repaired the spare room last year, so I might as well use it to freshen up the kitchen. I thought of using the white, but I'm afraid that's just too bright for that wee room and would only amplify the less than lovely cupboards. Unless I decide to use the white to paint the cupboards. Oooh, now that's an idea...

This is a shot I took on the trip when Ginnie was here in October; Eilean Donan Castle reflected in Loch Duich:

I've made my first Coupon!

2011-11-22T02:51:00.001Z

for those who might be interested, I've just added a 25% off coupon to my Etsy shop:

Coupon Code HOL2011
(valid November 21-30, 2011)

The Night the Lights Went Out in Glasgow

2011-11-20T20:33:00.001Z

It's been so long since my last entry here that I had to go back and read what I wrote to try and remember what's happened since. Och, getting old sucks sometimes.

Last night I was sitting in the living room, tucked under a blanket watching re-runs (erm, I guess dvds are ALL reruns, yes?) when I heard a weird "click, click, click, click..." sound. This is the point where my friends will internally comment, "she can't hear a bloody word I'm saying when she's sitting right next to me, but she can hear a clicking sound coming from another room?" So, yeah, I could hear the clicking. The hunt led to the discovery that the igniter on my gas hob was firing. Repeatedly.

I turned on the gas to see if lighting the burner would get it to stop. It did not. So I went to the closet and flipped the switch to cut the power to the kitchen. That worked. I flipped the switch back on and the clicking started up again, quite rapidly. As I'm not a fan of the whole electricity / gas /exploding in my face scenario, I decided to keep the power off until I could get my landlord in to take a look.

The downside to this (aside from not having the means with which to prepare a meal. Or make COFFEE, for the love of gawd) was that I had to move the refrigerator into the spare bedroom, as I don't have any extension cables and that's the closest working socket. Thankfully, my fridge is a small one so I was able to do so with only a few minor grunts, groans, and cuss words.

This morning I checked to see if it was still clicking (it was) so I sent a text to the landlord's agent, and he agreed to come by Monday afternoon to disconnect the electric part of the hob until such time as they can get a repairman in. At least I'll still be able to use the stove, I'll just need a match to light the burners. This is easy enough to do, and something I did just a week (or so) ago when the power went out. Within 5 minutes of the lights going out, I had 100 million ikea tealights lit and a pot of water boiling on the stove. It may have been dark but I was still able to read, comfortably warmed by a hot water bottle and a spiked cuppa joe (of course).

As of that last entry, Petra moved back to Glasgow and we spent the next few days getting her settled in which involved a bit of STUFF swapping. Her flat already had a built in microwave, so I got hers. I had an unused medium sized rubbish bin, and she needed one. She had no room for the wardrobe, so my guest bedroom got it. She needed an 'over the door' clothes hook, and I had one to spare. She then bought a larger dining room table & chairs, so I got her small table which works perfect as an office desk. A few more incidentals were exchanged, but all in I think I came out the better in this deal!

I got my wee office fixed up now, only in need of _proper_ chair and a wireless card for the desktop. The bonus to working in that small room is that with the door closed it heats up quickly and could very well be the warmest place in the flat - other than my bed, of course.

I finally got my photo holiday card sets and miscellaneous photo greeting card sets listed on Etsy. Made a couple sales so far (Hi Natalie!), but as its the end of November I'm thinking I should offer a coupon of some sort to encourage purchases. Perhaps something like Buy 3 Get Shipping Free?

Very excited to see that the BBC is airing The Killing - Series 2. Something to look forward to on the iplayer!

My sister and I have been using Skype and it's been so nice to chat again AND have video. Someday we'll try to have all three of us on at once, although with the slight time lag and the hearing disability of all three of us, it might make for a lot of "huh? you go. No you go. Huh?"

What makes skype better than telephone, other than the whole FREE bit, is getting to see Molly and watch her subtly beg my sister for a W-A-L-K. Or a cookie. The dog loves her cookies (big clue she used to be mine. Heh.) This is a shot my sister sent me from her phone:

"Miss Molly loves all things chicken-chicken apple sausage perhaps her all time favorite, but even hard-boiled eggs ..."

I (FINALLY) finished editing all of the photos from my trip with Ginnie, and have even managed to edit some of the newer Glasgow photos taken in the past month. I've got most of the shots uploaded to flickr and have even managed to make a great start on our holiday souvenir book. I've designed both front and back covers, got all the photos uploaded and layout arranged, input the correct headers and footers with date and location, and am now at the point where I need to add text. At 120 pages it is both too long and too short, but I'm already lovin' it.

In between doing this I also completed my second mannequin book and uploaded it for sale on blurb.

Modelling ...for Dummies by RSM Photography | Make Your Own Book

Last week I researched 13 different companies I'd like to work for, and then posted spec letters to every one of them. The next day I heard back from two of the charities, and while they didn't have anything at the moment, they'd keep my CV on file. That made me feel pretty good because 99% of the jobs I apply for I don't even get an automatic email acknowledgement, and here these people were taking the time to personally respond to my letter. Now I really DO want to work for them!

That interview I went on last month did not result in a job offer, but I did get nice feedback so my ego is feeling a bit soothed. When you are unemployed for 2+ years, there comes a point when you think that there's something wrong with you. I've actually come to this point several times in the past 2+ years, but I don't think I'm going to get there again. These are tough times, I am more than qualified, I have a crackin' CV and these jobs just aren't in the cards for me. Something is, I know it, so I'm going to persevere until I figure out what that is and grab hold of it.

Or I drop 100 pounds and get myself a sugar daddy.

Whichever comes first.

Here's a shot I took at the sea front in Oban, showing McCaig's Tower atop Battery Hill (top left). Last time I was there (end July) I'd climbed up to the tower and photographed the view of the harbour, but forgot to get the view from this angle. It turned out okay, though, because the weather was much better on this day and the view was absolutely lovely. (click to see larger)

It Must Be Love

2011-11-20T17:10:00.002Z

with an entry title like that you’re probably expecting me to be writing about some new bloke I fancy… alas, except for the hotty who was parking a car on my street, all the men I summon any interest in these days are only on the movie screen. Although this lack of interest has necessitated I nickname my love life “Sahara”, it at least no one’s leaving their fucking dirty clothes on my clean floors. Small favours.

The great love I’m referring to is for GLASGOW, specifically, and SCOTLAND, generally. How else can I explain the utter euphoria I feel every time I watch a program that shows my hometown? Or somewhere up North? I practically squealed with glee (dear gawd, not to be confused with the tv show Glee) the other night watching the Grand Tours of Scotland, when in Episode 1 Paul Murton is shown driving through city centre. I live in Glasgow, am watching the show while sitting in Glasgow, and still my heart does a wee pitter-patter. Crazy. Crazy in love, I tell ya.

Whenever I go North, I may not be mindful of the exact moment we’ve crossed into the Highlands, but my body knows. It gives me the heads up by releasing tears, and splitting my face with a shit-eating grin. It’s a gentle release of the ache I’ve been holding in, a homesickness for the homeLAND of my soul.

Oh, Scotland, how I love thee.

damn she's cute

2011-11-04T21:50:00.002Z

my sister just sent me this photo of Miss Molly that she snapped on her phone

gawd I miss that dog.

Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster

2011-10-26T17:10:00.003Z

Got a little shock in the post today - a letter from the unemployment office telling me that my benefits are to be garnished by the Council. A long phone call later and I now understand that apparently when I moved out of my flat in January 2007, there was unpaid council tax owed. When I updated my voter's registration earlier this year, that enabled them to "find" me but since I'm currently unemployed they are just taking the money from my benefits instead of issuing a sheriff's order.

First of all, I don't understand why in the fuck it took them nearly FIVE YEARS to find me. When I moved, I left a forwarding address when I wrote to the Council to let them know I was leaving AND the landlord had the addresses for both me and my flatmate. Secondly, I've been back in the country since June 2007 and back under Glasgow Council since November 2008. Plus, since I filled out that voter's thing months ago, why couldn't someone have just sent me a letter and ASKED for the fucking money? Man the government sucks.

Don't get me wrong, if it's money owed then I want to pay my bills, it's just the timing (and the way they've gone about it) that sucks. I just can't cut back on anything else, unless maybe I disconnect the phone/internet - except I'd have to pay early contract termination fees. Argh.

In good news, I also received in the post a letter telling me I've been shortlisted for a job I applied for, so I interview for that tomorrow. Again, nothing I want to do, but it's a paycheck and those I definitely want!

On Sunday Emma met me over at Petra's flat to help me retrieve the bed frame that she doesn't want. The flat she's renting is furnished, so she has to store all the extra stuff. I told her I'd use the bedframe, which means I got to toss out the dilapidated old one from here. The new one is such a girlie bed, goes with my style, and because it is taller it fills the room out nicely. Once I set it up I kept peeking back in there, totally thrilled at how it looks in there. Now I want to paint the dresser black, fix up the chair, and change the curtains. Heh, I sure do miss my Martha Stewart days.
Yesterday I finished watching Season 2 of Supernatural, then faffed about doing anything but what I was supposed to be doing. Finally around 4pm I got up to use the loo and the next thing I know I was painting the bathroom. It sounds random, but I've been needing to finish the painting from the repair work done last year and earlier in the week I dragged out the supplies and set them on the floor in the walkway as a means to motivate, so I guess it finally did.

It took me four hours to paint, which seems like a long time for a bathroom but I was using just a paintbrush and had to paint the door, two doorframes (front and back of both), and all the skirting boards. At first I was having trouble painting white on white, kinda hard to see where you've already painted, but today I can sure see the difference. It is super white in there and looks so damn clean.

Once done with the room I had enough paint left to paint the inside of the door to the boxroom. That was one manky looking door and while one coat of white didn't save the world, it did add a bit of freshness and now I won't be so dismayed every time I have to open that door. If I owned this place, I would have taken more care, but as it is the results are pleasing.

Painting done, I cleaned up the tools and put away the paint and then set about cleaning all the paint I'd dropped on the floor. Not too many drops, I was super careful this time, so it didn't take me too long. I then swept the floors and used the broom handle to clear out the vacuum hose. Good golly, that thing was damn near full, so between that and replacing the filter I now have a working machine again.

I start right away on the area rugs, and pretty soon was wishing for some of that cold winter weather. Gotta say, the last time I was on all fours, breathing heavy and sweating - I was most certainly not vacuuming.

That done I then mopped all the floors, did the dishes, filled out another job application (posted out today), had some supper, tidied the guest room, tidied the living room, and started a load of laundry.

My back was aching by the time I went to bed, but it was all so totally worth it. I awoke this morning to a clean house and that REALLY put me in a good mood. Hopefully that will carry over to my interview tomorrow. Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, please let them offer me the crappy job!!

Around the UK in 14 Days

2011-10-18T17:23:00.003Z

Are you there ~~God~~ internet? It's me ~~Margaret~~ Gertie.

So, some time off from the whole updating thing. I've found I've either been thinking too much or trying to avoid thinking altogether. And then my friend Ginnie came to visit for two weeks and we walked all over England and Scotland and I'm starting to feel like I've climbed back up out of that deep black hole.

In health news, I've seen my endocrinologist and been told that I'm doing well and they see no reason why I cannot continue on the Metformin indefinitely. Yay! Between the meds and the recent increase of physical activity I seem to be doing rather well. I'm feeling good, which is remarkable considering that this time of year is usually quite difficult for me. If I can keep getting outside during daylight hours, and keep getting some exercise, I might just see an increase in improvement. Yay again.

Petra is moving back to Glasgow at the end of the month, and is going to be living just two blocks over. I'm looking forward to this. Now let's hope if I get a job it doesn't require me moving away. Would that be considered irony?

I've had a run of things breaking or dying, which has required some fancy juggling of services, but I'm coping with it rather well. Another sign that my mental health seems to be improving. Add to that I'm having video chats with one of my sisters, and life is looking pretty good right now.

Ginnie arrived on September 24th, and we spent the next two weeks touring around the UK. We took an overnight bus down to London, arriving at 7am and then spending the day walking around Hyde Park to Paddington Station (so she could buy an official Paddington Bear for her niece, plus one for herself), stopping at Kings Cross to see Platform 9 3/4, over to the Sherlock Holmes Museum, lunch somewhere... (I'm remembering more as I sort thru the photos) and then checked into our hotel. That evening we went on a Jack the Ripper tour led by a woman who has been researching the subject for 20 years, so she had so much info and photos to share. She's just received permission to head to South Africa to go through the family papers of one guy long suspected of being the Ripper. Wouldn't it be cool if someday I could say it was our tour guide that solved the mystery?

The next morning Ginnie and I boarded a tour bus which first stopped at Windsor Castle, followed by Stonehenge, and finishing with Bath. All in it was 12 hours, 300 miles, and AWESOME weather. The tour guide was fantastic, the bus was comfortable, and the pub lunch (included in the price) wasn't that bad. If you are in the area and looking for a tour, I highly recommend it.

The best part about Windsor Castle was the gynormous doll-house which we, most sadly, weren't allowed to touch. The best part of Stonehenge was, well, the coolest rocks in the whole wide world. And the best part of Bath is a tie between the Roman Baths and ice cream at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Fabulous!

The next day we had to check out of our hotel by 10:30am, but unfortunately our bus back to Glasgow wasn't leaving until 11:45pm so that meant we had to carry our stuff with us while traipsing all over London. Not that bad, in that we didn't have a lot of stuff with us, but very bad in that it was nearly 90F. By mid-day it was so friggin' hot that Ginnie insisted we take a Thames boat tour, round trip, as it was cooler being on the water than in cement city. Once again we had a great guide, and if the weather is nice, I'd recommend that tour as well. Afterwards we sat at Punch & Judy's enjoying some cool beverages, and then for dinner we went to the Shakespeare for nibbles and even more cool beverages.

Back in Glasgow we had a nice visit with Emma, visited the AC/DC exhibit at the Kelvingrove Museum, got rained out while trying to visit the Cathcart Cemetery, saw the hairy cows and Clydesdale horses at Pollok Country Park, and toured the Tall Ship (Glenlee).

We took a one day trek over to Helensburgh, where we had a nice wander along the waterfront (sans rain!) and enjoyed yet ANOTHER ice cream cone (we ate more ice cream on this trip than I've consumed in about 5 years).

We also spent a day in Edinburgh, visiting the Craigmillar Castle (free entry thanks to my Historic Scotland membership!) and the Edinburgh Zoo. It was iffy weather at that point, so the Penguin Parade was a bit short, but this time it was just King Penguins that came out so that was a plus for me. Also, due to the weather, there was hardly anyone at the zoo, so it was nice being able to wander about without the crowds. I just wish more animals were out. Someday I want to have enough money to close the park on a sunny day and have it just me and a couple of my friends. THAT would be so cool.

After the zoo we met up with Sarah for dinner at the mexican joint and while the main meal was a bit dry, the appetizer was incredibly good and the company and conversation were highly enjoyable.

The next day we took the train to Pitlochry, and then a taxi over to the Edradour Distillery. This is the smallest whisky distillery in Scotland, producing in one year what the other distilleries make in just one week. It was just us two and one couple from Glasgow in our tour, so our guide took us into the warehouse (not normally included in the tour), had us sample some barley, and gave us a nip each of the 10-year whisky and the new creamed whisky (mega yum). I later went to the tasting bar and tried the lovely Cask strength Edradour partly matured in ex-Bordeaux casks. Not only does this taste great, it comes in a pretty bottle with a purple label.

After the tour we travelled on to Inverness, staying the night at the Rossmount Guest House. I'd stayed there with Jenny in July, and really liked the place. Friendly owners and comfortable rooms with a lot of special touches not often found in the UK. The next morning we took a tour to Isle of Skye and Eilean Donan Castle, with a quick stop at the side of the road to see Loch Ness. The weather was low visibility, raining sideways at time, and quite cold (maximum 50F that day), but all that would have been fine except our tour guide kinda sucked. The weather cleared quite a bit once we arrived at the Castle, and it was nice touring inside (haven't been since 2001), but the best part of the day were the souvenir friendship rings Ginnie bought us. Same ring, different birthstones. She doesn't like her birthstone, but I do, and she likes mine (most people do - it's "diamond") so I had us get each others. It's a simple ring, and I'm like a magpie with anything shiny, so I felt pretty for the rest of the week. Funny how jewellery can do that ;-D

Back in Inverness, we stopped at Jimmy Cheungs for dinner and then popped downstairs to Johnny Foxes for drinks and karaoke. We only planned to stay long enough for Ginnie to sing a couple of songs, but before we knew what happened it was Cinderella time and so we made our way back to the B&B. The next day we wandered about Inverness, making the obligatory stop (for a couple hours) at Leakey's, before catching the afternoon train back to Glasgow.

At this point you are probably thinking, "Jaysus, Joseph, & Mary, aren't they done yet". But wait, there's more! Friday we caught the bus for our final tour, lucking out to have Brian as a tour guide. This guy was fantastic, telling stories, playing music, giving an all-round terrific tour. I'm not really someone who likes tours (surprising considering I'd just taken several) but this guy can convert anyone. The bus was a bit stuffed, but the seats were comfortable, and like I mentioned above - he told the greatest stories. When we were stopped in Luss, he was chatting with another driver who told him an alternate turnoff for Kilchurn Castle, which meant that instead of having to view from far away on the side of the road, we were able to tramp through a pathway and get to the actual castle. Again with the pretty weather, this was a fantastic bonus.

From there we continued on, making several opportunistic stops until we reached Oban. This time I remembered to take a shot of McCaigs Tower from the harbour - but Ginnie and I opted to not make the climb. Instead we went in search of food and found the most affordable and yet hugely portioned food at Spinnakers. I had a giant burger with both regular chips and spiced curly fries. I can't even begin to describe the feed-a nation size burger Ginnie had. Afterwards we wandered about the town, stopping at the Chocolate Factory but unable to consume any goodies as we were so stuffed from lunch. Not all lost though as she bought a couple items to take home with her.

We spent her last day wandering around Glasgow, watching movies, and (successfully) attempting to pack all the souvenir shit into her wee bag. After she left on Sunday, I went back to bed only to awake later with the mother of all colds. I've spent this past week recovering from that, doing job search stuff, editing photos, and basically doing all the faffing about one does when they have too much time on their hands and no money to do anything exciting.

Still have yet to upload a lot of photos, so for now here is one of my panoramas of Stonehenge (click image to see bigger):

Giggle with Groupon

2011-09-08T04:44:00.002Z

this advert was in my Groupon alert.
it actually made me laugh out loud.

Farewell, Bam Bam

2011-09-06T00:17:00.001Z

Nothing new on the job front, except the unemployment office is once again outsourcing me to a new agency to find me work. I expect that if I don't find something myself very soon, I shall be locked into a minimum wage job before month's end. I guess that's not too bad, all things considered, but it just means my financial struggles will continue. I've got one month left before my credit cards take me to collections, so I guess anything I can do is better than just waiting for it all to happen.

Next week I have jury duty, which I was strangely looking forward to.

I picked up Black Betty from the repair shop. She's still not at 100%, but a massive improvement over what she was shooting, so for that I'm going to be thankful.

I went on a photoshoot, with some flickr buddies, on Saturday and it felt good to get out and about in the fresh air and have that shutter clicking. I'm not feeling too inspired to edit any of the photos (yet) but that's a bit understandable with my emotions all in flux.

You see, an old friend of mine committed suicide last week.

I guess "old friend" isn't the right term. He was a guy that was once engaged to my younger sister. Someone who's home I lived in for a couple of years. Birthdays, Christmas with his folks, Motorcross weekends, working at the family owned business - I guess you could say we were family.

I spent a tense week waiting for updates (there were conflicting reports about the event), complicated by the fact that they (Virginia) were still recovering from the hurricane and so internet access and landline connections were spotty.

I had the unpleasant task of informing my sister, and am aching for her. I've given her a lot of the information, but find that I'm unable to tell her all of the details which she has thankfully not asked for.

There wasn't much I could do from over here, but listening to all of the details was one thing I could offer and while I'm glad to have helped by sharing the burden, I really REALLY wish I didn't know what I now know.

His death itself is shocking, but the horrific way he came to an end is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Every time I sit down to try and write out something to post to his memory board, I burst into tears. He could be an absolutely stubborn dickhead, and yet was one of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever known. How do you sum up the complexity of someone in a paragraph?

I feel sorry for his family, his kids, my sister. Hell, I feel sorry for him. I feel so damn sorry that he was in so much pain that this was the only way out. I know that pain, and it is scary as hell to think that could have been me. When you are that deep in, somehow you think the relief will be shared by others. But you know what? it ain't. Yeah, we are all glad he isn't hurting anymore, but I can't help thinking that if he only knew how much hurt is now pressing on those he loved then he would have had second thoughts.

Except, I feel that he probably did know but still couldn't see any other way out. And that's so sad. So painfully sad.

Zombies & Bacon

2011-08-18T19:36:00.002Z

I'm sat on the sofa, quietyly sniffling away the last of the sobfest resultant of the move I just watched. Have you ever gotten to the end of a film and found yourself wanting, no NEEDING to immediately play it again - because that's the only way to keep the magic, the connection, that sense of "it", going?

Sigh.

Tuesday morning I finished the last episode of Lost and I'm feeling, well, a bit lost. Heh. I guess that's a sign of a good show, right? Maybe this movie was helping me grieve good telly. Hmm, I'm guessing other stuff too. For some reason I'm able to cry like a baby over movies and books, but real life shit don't faze me none. That's a bit more of my inherited fruitcake gene I'm supposing.

The other stuff I've been watching, lately, has failed to inspire the same connectedness. Torchwood? Only reason I've made it to the 5th episode of this series/season is because the BBCiplayer tells me when a new episode is on, and even then I always feel a bit surprised, a bit of "oh yeah, that show".

Same goes for True Blood. Now, I'm not going to give anything away, even though I do have a prediction (involving someone's brother) but won't write anything more in case what I say leads to SPOILERS. Anyhoo, while I have full appreciation for the nekkedness of the boys, I'm just not feeling attached to this season. If it all stopped now, I wouldn't feel bothered in the least. Shocking, I know! I don't think the quality of the show has changed, I just think my attachment to it has.

And while I'm cruising through bizarro land, I FINALLY figured out the True Mystery of my crazy compulsion for watching Drop Dead Diva... the main character reminds me of my friend Jenny. Phew, that's an understandable explanation!

Thanks to (fucking) facebook, I've recently been in contact with people from my past, including an "ex", or sort-of ex, and that's been messing with my head a bit. It's not so much him, but the subsequent strolling down memory lane and all that that entails which has me all buhdwiggled. Yes, I did just make up a word.

buhdwiggle [bah-d-wig-gle]
verb (used with object)
1.
to perplex, confuse, or bewilder into a state of great unease.
Being found on (fucking) facebook by people from her past buhdwiggled her.

Added to my mental anguish is having to walk around without a camera. It's like I'm missing my right arm. Nothing against my other arm, I guess I'd feel just as lost without that one too. I left the flat on Monday afternoon to head over towards Govan for my jobcentre appointment, and as I walked out the door I told myself, "relax, it's not like you're gonna miss anything" and I kid you not when I walked out of the subway this giant pigeon lands in front of me and it has feathers all down it's legs and covering it's feet and it is following me around and ARGH that would have been such a cool shot.

Don't even get me started on the whole paparazzo shit with Brad Pitt and Zombies being in Glasgow (and by "zombies", I am not making a veiled remark about Angelina) and the filming in George Square and oh my gawd I have to stop talking about this right now.

Black Betty is still in the shop, and I'm hoping everyday to get the call - preferably one that says come and get her 'cause she's fixed and it was free, and not something more closely resembling a request for ransom.

I had my hearing aids re-set last week, and now I got a notification its time for my hearing to be tested again. Annoying, I wish we'd done this all at once, but it's good because they keep making adjustments to my aids and yet I'm still not hearing the best with them. I think it's because the computer is calibrating the settings based on my checkup from three years ago and I'm quite certain I've lost a bit more hearing since then.

Yesterday I got the Mirena coil inserted, so now it is 100% definite that I "won't be birthin' no babies". I realize that's a double negative, but it doesn't sound right when written right, so there you are. My main purpose, or hope, for the coil is to get my periods back to a normal range. The primary function of the coil, however, is birth control and it lasts 5 years. They were discussing how I'd need a replacement and I said if I wasn't in menopause by 47, I am gonna make those docs remove my innards even if I have to hold a gun on them. Heh. A shotgun hysterectomy.

I'm now into my 2nd month on the Metformin and have increased my dose to two tablets (500mg each) a day. The prescription said to gradually increase to 2 a day, but when I sat down trying to create a spreadsheet for when to take the tablets I lost patience after 30 seconds and decided that I'd just do the 1 pill a day for a month, and then add the second. I take one in the morning after I eat, and one in the evening before bed and so far that seems to be doing the trick. Only after the increase did I have one (well, two) side effect episodes, the second being a tester as I had a sneaky feeling what brought the first one on. Sure enough, the only time my tummy (et al) is unhappy is if I eat a bunch of sugar (ie, a candybar).

So, no sugar for me, which is way easier than you'd think. My biggest problem with the Metformin is that I no longer want to eat. At all. I'm not nauseous, I'm just not hungry. I do get a bit queasy if I think of eating anything, but once I shove some stuff in there my stomach seems to accept it just fine. The problem has been getting me to eat and while you'd think not being hungry would be a blessing for a fat chick, it's when I DON'T eat that I gain weight. Blah blah blah.

To help combat my disinterest in food, I've been making everything "ready meals". Basically, I've got a gazillion plastic containers full of cut up veges, etc. to make snacking easier. Every couple of hours I grab a little something and that seems to be working (for now). I even took a lunch with me to the volunteer centre, although the timing was a bit off what with it being Ramadan. Whoops. Could have been worse, though, at least it was turkey and not bacon.

Mmmmm, bacon.

My photography website usually only averages a about 5 visits a week. This past week, after my kitten photo and website info was published in Your Cat magazine, my website received 618 hits. No photo, cardset, or book sales from those hits… yet, but I’m feeling good about the exposure. Someone also approached Getty Images about one of my photos, so there’s a potential wee sale there. Fingers crossed.

This here is a cygnet, which is not actually headless (the head is on the left) but everytime I look at it I laugh.

From Craigs Cemetery, in Fort William:

Rogie Falls:

Inveraray Castle:

Castle Stalker, on Loch Linnhe (taken from the bus)

and Ben Nevis (also shot from the bus)

oh, Uncle Jesse!

2011-08-13T21:36:00.001Z

heh heh

Harry Potter & Vital Spark

2011-08-10T15:44:00.005Z

Why is everything reminding of sex, lately? Last night I had to roll the plastic wrapping down on my English cucumber, and I swear I could feel myself blushing.

And while I'm asking questions; why does my hair do all this fabulous no-styling stuff when I'm at HOME, but when I want to go out somewhere in public I more closely resemble Gene Simmons during the height of KISS popularity?

I began my day with a mini-heart attack when I looked down at the floor this morning and thought I saw a bunch of spiders all over the place. Turns out I'd just knocked over my container of black mini-butterfly hair clips. Hoo doggy. Well, that's one morning this week where I didn't need coffee to start the day.

I received my new US passport! The new design is chock-full of every patriotic thing it could think of and, while a bit twee, I find I like it. I posted the application out on the 28th of July, had a brief delay while they queried whether I had been naturalized or not (not), but it's finished and in my hands less than 2 weeks later. Impressive. I think it took longer than that when I got the first one, and that had been "expedited".

Glad to have this - now I'm able to travel to the US anytime. Just yesterday I received a message from a friend telling me not to go South, and to email him if I needed a ticket to Seattle. So adorable, and greatly appreciated. I told him there was nothing to worry about, I wasn't planning to be in London again until the end of September, and by then the riot stuff will be but a memory (I hope). I heard yesterday from Petra and it is shocking the stuff that was happening in the normally quiet area of Enfield.

Also yesterday I applied for two more jobs, washed two loads of laundry, had coffee with emma, picked up some groceries, and uploaded some more shots onto the redbubble page. I haven't made any more sales, but I was featured on the homepage yesterday which ain't too shabby since I'm a newbie.

Spent about 3 hours last night making "client" images to add to my website's "show~n~tell" page (not yet created) and so far I have 11, which I think is pretty good especially since most are from this year. If I can keep going at this pace, I just might get my website redesigned by the weekend. Come on creative juices!!

I received the hard copy of the Your Cat magazine, September 2011 issue, and was chuffed to find that my photo & article is the entire back page. They even referenced my 43Cats book, so maybe folk will have a look and buy it. Or maybe buy other books. Hoping hoping hoping...

I've finished editing my London photos, forwarded a link to the guy who wanted to buy some of them for his children's travel book, and am now waiting to find out if he'll buy any of them.

I also finished editing all of my 3-Day Tour photos. It will take me a while to upload them all to flickr, although there weren't as many good ones to choose from as I'd have liked, considering the wee Elf died on me and Black Betty was giving me mostly blurry shots.

This is Kilchurn Castle, built about 1450 by Sir Colin Campbell.

The Puffer 'Vital Spark' (right), at Inveraray Harbour.

This is part of the Glenfinnan Viaduct, a railway viaduct in the Highlands of Scotland. If it looks familiar to some of you, that's because it is where they filmed Harry Potter scenes for the Hogwarts Express.

One of the MANY colorful buildings / flower pots seen in Portree Harbour. This was taken on a rather grey day. Can you imagine how bright this would look in sunshine?

I left BB with the repair shop this week, along with the lens and a memory card with shots so they can see what's happening. I'm waiting to hear back from them on whether there is anything they can do.

Seems I'm doing a LOT of waiting lately.

Sunsets and Mehndi

2011-08-05T10:50:00.005Z

The past couple of weeks have gone by in a blur, with lots happening and yet nothing really happening at all.

On Wednesday evening, before my trip North, I awoke from a nap to find a text message from my flickr buddy Joe, asking if I was up for a trip to Queensferry (Edinburgh area) to photograph the Forth Bridge(s). Was I? Absolutely!

Sadly, I'd just dropped Black Betty off at the shop that morning, so the pocket camera would have to do.

[aside: after my trip to London, I discovered that about 70% of my photos were blurry. I checked and still had 4 days left on the warranty from the previous camera repairs, and figured it was in my best interest to have it checked out before the warranty ran out. I picked it up on Friday and they told me they could not find a problem with it. I need to get my hands on another lens to test if it's my lens and not the camera, so I fired off an email to my neighbour to ask to borrow his kit lens, but I'm still waiting on a response. ]

Joe and I drove over to Queensferry and walked down to the shore that sits between the two bridges. He loaned me his Gorillapod (bendy tripod) which worked pretty good with the pocket camera. For this shot of the Forth Road Bridge, I was above him on the walkway, and wrapped the tripod legs around the railing. The focus wasn't terrific on these either, but I'm still pleased with the results.

To the right of me (us) is the Forth Bridge (Railway):

And here it is a few minutes later:

We waited for quite awhile after it turned "dark", but they never did turn the bridge lights on so we scooted off towards Edinburgh, stopping at the GoMA and the Edinburgh Castle, Holyrood Park and finally a dark field out in the middle of nowhere. I got home at half past 1 and fell happily asleep.

Thursday morning I got up and went for my usual volunteer duty. It was a busy day with business as usual, a leaving-do party, and a fundraiser event all in the same building. One of the ladies offered to paint my hands with the henna (called mehndi) and as this was something I'd wanted to do for a long time, I readily agreed. First she did the right hand, but wasn't happy with how thickly the henna came out of the tube so after my hand dried she got a different tube to do the left. She wanted to do my palms as well, but I was having enough trouble keeping the tops of my hands smudge-free, so we left it as is.

Once home, the henna had finished drying and it sort of flakes off, like picking a scab (ewww). Afterwards I was instructed to rub a bit of olive oil on it and let it sit for a few hours before washing. I took a shot early in the process but forgot to take one later that night once the colour had deepened to a dark burgundy-brown. It was really pretty and lasted for few days. It started fading on Monday and today there is still a wee bit, but for the most part it's gone. It's funny, I like tattoos (I have four, myself) but I could never tolerate having any on my hands - too distracting!

Jenny arrived on Friday and we had a HOT wander around Glasgow, and then headed off to Edinburgh to catch our tour bus. Our driver, Mike, was a character that started right in on the verbal banter with me that continued throughout the whole trip. Fun!

We left Edinburgh, drove up through Glencoe, stopped to visit some Highland Cows, and stopped for the night in Inverness. I showed Jenny around town, but we were back to the B&B by nine o'clock, tired from a long day on the bus and lack of sleep the night before. The next day the tour took us to Eilean Donan Castle and Portree on the Isle of Sky (other places too, but those were the main stopping points). Once we reached the ferry to cross to Mallaig, the bus died and we had to grab our bags and board the ferry without the bus and driver. Thankfully Jenny and I only had a small backpack each, so I had to help some of the other people with their luggage. Once we arrived in Mallaig, I directed folks to the train and then explained how to find their B&B's after we arrived in Fort Williams. A lot of these people didn't speak English very well, and I was concerned they'd be okay, especially when I noticed that we'd caught the very last train to Fort Williams. An Adventure!

The train conductor was fantastic, even stopping the train over the Glenfinnan Viaduct (filming location for several of the Harry Potter movies) and allowing us all to come up front to take a photo. And once we arrived, he gave Jenny and I a lift to our B&B. Now that's service!

The final day we headed over to Oban, where Jenny and I huffed our way up the hill to McCraig's tower, continued on to Inveraray and Loch Fyne, then Luss on Loch Lomond and ending with Jenny & I being dropped in Glasgow (the rest headed back to Edinburgh).

I took about 700 photos, so I'm still processing those, but have already seen that the majority are probably too blurry. Some of them will make good watercolors, though. Oh yeah, my wee pocket camera finally died too. Poor thing is 4 years old, been dropped on concrete (twice), sunk in a bog (just the once), was held together with a rubber band, the screen quit working and it had still been shooting. It was like a frickin Timex of cameras. I'm sad it's gone, and even more morose to be camera-less at the moment, but I'll survive. I haven't yet figured out if my camera woes are because the Universe is trying to tell me I'm not a photography, or if it thinks I need to find some way to get the money to buy that new camera...

In other news:

Your Cat magazine is publishing one of my photos in the upcoming issue (August, maybe September?) in their "In focus" section. I also sold my first photo on redbubble (hi Natalie!). I've updated my photo website to include links to Etsy, Redbubble, and Blurb AND I'm nearly done processing the London photos some of which will (hopefully) be featured in the revised Cooper's Pack London travel book.

The American Embassy left a message (with disdain dripped and doubt about my intelligence implied) that they didn’t want a copy of my British passport, they wanted a copy of my naturalization certificate. Well, I don’t HAVE a naturalization certificate because I was never naturalized. Since my father was born here, I’m considered au naturale baby.

Ah, they said. You don’t need the form then.
No, no I don’t.
I was then told process time would be 2-3 weeks. Yay.

I've decided I'd like to be working by October 17th. If I'm working by then, I should be able to keep the credit card companies from taking me to collections. So if everyone would please keep thinking the positive thought of me working by that date, maybe that will come to pass ;-D

boos & hisses

2011-08-03T18:58:00.003Z

I'll the first to admit that reading an article from the Daily Mail was my first mistake, but that's what happens when you click from one thing to another - you either wind up looking at porno, or reading rag mags.

What's got me all in a dither is this article on the First plus-size beauty to grace pages of Vogue Australia!.

Kudos for featuring a beautiful woman above the size zero mark that we usually see.

But boos & hisses for thinking that someone size 14 is "large" and "plus sized".

Go to the article, look at her photos. That, folks, is NORMAL (and actually even smaller than many of the women I know). Is it any wonder this world is so fucked up when they look at that and then praise themselves for accepting such a fatty?

Grrr.
Take me to the kittens!

93 48

2011-07-17T21:09:00.003Z

Last Sunday Petra and I went to Amersham (a village in Buckinghamshire, England) to visit her friends, and we all went on a wee wander in "Old" Amersham before continuing on to Little Missendon, a village about 3 miles west of there.

Amersham is quaint, where almost every single door has a totally cool knocker. I was all about the knobs & knockers that day baby, so while my photostream isn't packed with thrills, it does have a lot of shapes & colours.

In Little Missendon there is an old Baptist Church well worth a looksee, and further down the road at the Red Lion pub there is a lovely garden area with an assortment of birds and even a couple of tiny ponies. I was able to capture one as he lay down for a nap, and the smile on his face once he's totally zonked is so adorable.

On Monday Petra went to work and I went into the city to get some of the photos for my list of required shots, the ones I hope to sell. I took the train in, transferred to the underground, and made my first stop at London Bridge. From there I walked across the bridge, down to St Dunstan's Hill, and into St Dunstan-in-the-East (London), a public garden created from the ruins of a church that was destroyed during WW2.

It was sunny, and quiet, and oh so lovely. One of my online buddies took a shot there a couple months ago (which is how I found out about this place), with three business men in suits having lunch - an absolutely crackin' shot. I was there before the lunch-hour (to start) and as I was leaving I went back around but sadly the folk sitting there did not lend to an attractive photo, so this one will have to do. I have several versions, this one is cropped in and slightly "warmed". Cannot decide which I like better.

Leaving the garden, I wandered up the road a bit towards St Paul's Cathedral, across the Millennium Footbridge, and into the Tate Modern. Brandon wanted shots of the banners for the Joan Miró exhibit (he's a huge fan), plus I picked up a copy of the catalogue. Cheese on a cracker, that fucker weighed nearly as much as it cost, and thankfully I had my backpack with me but daaaamn carrying that book around the rest of the day was not the smartest choice. Tate done, I headed towards the underground, which in hindsight would have been quicker to just go back across the bridge, but I did manage to see a bit of previously unseen London AND I sweated off another five pounds.

July in London is very nearly a practice for hell.

From Southwark I travelled to Westminster, hoping for some blue sky shots of the London Eye. Oy, the tourists, the TOURISTS! Thousands of slack-jawed zombies wandering slowly, aimlessly along the streets, clogging up the exits and basically just getting in my fucking way. At one point I had to channel my inner waitress and, holding my camera aloft, barked "coming through" as I ploughed my way across. I stopped at Big Ben and the Parliament, and tried to get over to Westminster Abbey, but my efforts were thwarted by the crowds and scaffolding surrounding the Abbey.

I turned back to the underground and spent about 20 minutes figuring out the best way to travel over to Trafalgar Square. By the time I exited out of Charing Cross and arrived at the Square, I realized that it would have been quicker had I just walked. Seriously, Big Ben is just down the street from Trafalgar! No longer surprised at the throngs of people milling about, I did my best for photos and even took a nice break at the fountain, covering my camera and letting the spray, erm, spray over me.

Now knowing the underground was not going to be the quick answer, I decided to walk down to Buckingham Palace, my last stop for the day. When the walking became difficult, due to my jeans being sweat-glued to my legs, I veered off into the park and had a nice shady rest under a tree. Once rested, I continued on, got my shots of the Palace, took a few photos for other people (with their cameras), and then staggered on to the Victoria station. At this point I needed another rest, as well as a loo break, so pub stop it was. With body rested, and thirst quenched (yay vodka!) I made my way back to Petra's.

I was quite sore that night, emitting a lot of grunts and groans whenever I had to move, but it really felt good to have had a bit of exercise. The walking about for 7 hours wasn't the problem, it was carrying all the gear. I really need a lighter camera. Well, I really need a new back and to lose 100 pounds, but I'd rather have a new camera. Something like this would do quite nicely! Until I can afford that, I'll keep shuffling on, and working on that weight thing too.

There were a few more shots I wanted to get, so I'd planned to get up and hit Camden Market in the morning and then go to Hyde Park, but when I got up the weather was shite so I opted to stay in and pack my bag and catch up on my other photo stuff while I waited for Petra to get home.

We had dinner, watched a bit of telly, and then she drove me to the train station. My journey to the bus station was uneventful, and I arrived in plenty of time to get a good seat. I was stuck in the back with a woman and her EIGHT children, but thankfully most of them conked out pretty quick. The ride back to Glasgow was quicker, with less stops and more comfortable seats. Around 2am I ate my packed lunch, watched a bit of Eddie Izzard on my laptop, and even managed a bit of a snooze.

For the past few of days I've been alternately laying in bed recuperating and doing household chores. I started to edit my photos, but won't have those ready until later in the week.

When I got home on Wednesday morning, I had a letter waiting from the doc with my prescription for Metformin. Nothing whatsoever about my test results, so I need to go over there and pick those up, but at least I've FINALLY been able to start this medication. Four days now and I'm not have any of the side effects (thankfully) and as a bonus my body has finally decided to let go of all the water it's been retaining. I have lost, I kid you not, 18 pounds since Tuesday, but that is all just excess water weight I'd put on over the past couple of weeks. I don't expect to see changes (if any) from the Metformin for at least a couple of months, but I'm thrilled to be trying SOMETHING. One thing I have noticed, and this could be purely a placebo effect on my mind, is that for the last two days I haven't been sleepy after any of my meals. Nice.

Today I felt a bit more motivated and installed the "new" wireless modem that O2 sent me a few months back. After that I dug out the computer tower that my agent gave me and connected it all up and discovered that I now have a good working system that has 4GB of storage - which is perfect as I have nearly filled my 500GB external drive. I need to get a separate keyboard and mouse for this system, and figure out why the cd/dvd drive won't recognize dvds (even though I installed a dvd decoder) and then I'd like to put this either in the guest room, or finally get my "office" setup in the closet.

I spent a very long time this afternoon staring at my rooms, trying to imagine any rearrangement that would accommodate my needs without having to get new stuff, but to be frank I just don't want to rearrange any of the rooms. That's kind of weird, considering I used to be the gal who'd change things around every few months, but I've had this arrangement for over 2 years and it just feels right. So then I started to look at moving some of the stuff from the closet into the guest room closet and then I thought how I need to put winter stuff away and take summer stuff out and then I got all flustered about how I don't want to store stuff and should just give stuff away and thinking about all the STUFF made me think about that George Carlin skit:

Now that I've watched that, made plans with Emma for a coffee chat, and faffed about writing this entry, I need to turn around and face the bloody disaster behind me. I think I'm going to be brutal and bag up most of it for the charity shop to which, conveniently, I can drop off tomorrow on my way to the job centre.

Water World

2011-07-09T18:45:00.000Z

where is my sunshine, my only sunshine
it'd make me happy
but the skies are grey
you never know dear
how much I need you
please come and light up the fucking London skies already

So last week (June 28th) I did manage to drag my ass out of bed and make my way to the Riverside Museum. All I can say about that is oh holy jaysus, the tourists, the TOURISTS! I had meant to go earlier in the morning, but had to run an errand in city centre and it was noon when I decided to just catch the museum shuttle from George Square. This is not a big square. And yet, the bus stopped on every friggin' side of it and in between it would wait something like a gazillion minutes.

I highly advise against using this mode of transportation, if you can avoid it. The cost is £2 single journey, £3 return, and will take days off of your expected lifespan. Instead, walk two blocks to the underground, alight at the Partick station, and walk 10 minutes to the museum. Cost is £1.20 single, £2.40 return and not having to sit on that damn bus is priceless.

Did I mention the TOURISTS? Should I also mention that it is summertime and the schools are out and apparently every kid in Scotland decided to hang out at the museum that day? I don't think I lasted 15 minutes inside before I gave up, tried for some shots outside (but still too many damn TOURISTS) and took the bus home.

I can't recall doing anything productive from that Tuesday to the following Monday (July 4th) when I crazily went back to the museum. This time, however, I went a half hour before it opened. Still a couple people meandering about, but much much better. I like the modern architecture, and I enjoyed some of the new features of the exhibits but think I'll go again once summer is over and I can have a nice slow wander about the place.

My flickr buddies and I spent about 90 minutes there, and then decided to head over to Troon. Why Troon? I don't actually know why we chose that. Maybe because it was hot outside, and maybe because Troon has a beach. All I know is we were there in what felt like a blink of an eye (or many blinks, in my case, as I had fallen asleep in the back seat). Joe had to run a work-errand (ah, maybe that's why Troon was chosen) so Maurice and I headed to South Beach. It was hot out, and I was wearing jeans. And it was hot out. And I ran out of drinking water. I was past ready to head back to the car when Joe showed up and said "let's walk around the corner there and back up to the car that way".

Silly rabbit, there was no "just around the corner". Two gawddamn hours later we made it back to the car. Now, the scenery was lovely, but a bit hazy so rather unshootable. Also, it was hot. Gertie doesn't do hot. Gertie was also dying of thirst. Dying I say. The mere memory of it is so traumatic that she's started to speak about herself in the 3rd person.

Finally back at the car, we continued up the road to Dunure Castle. I've been there before (twice) and already had a couple crackin' shots, so I opted to stay up top and eat some food and drink my two new bottles of water while they climbed down to the beach.

It was windy, which helped with the hot, and the view again something to behold. Once the boys were ready to go, I scootched into the back seat and fell asleep all the way to Glasgow. The nap was refreshing, and I felt pretty good until I got inside and saw something shocking.

I was sunburned. Really sunburned.

Sunburned in SCOTLAND.

An entire day spent walking, walking, running out of water, walking, taking photos, smelling the sea, chatting with fellow photographers, sweating like a banshee (how much DO banshee's really sweat?), whinging about my lack of water, and getting painfully sunburned...

it. was. AWESOME!

I slept like a baby that night, and then spent all of Tuesday doing vitally important last minute tasks (like painting my toenails) before my trip to London.

The trip down to London was rather unpleasant, again with the friggin' HOT, but this time no cheery sea walk. Instead there were cramped seats, stinky passengers, and stifling heat. It's July Mister Bus-Driver, any particular reason you decided to turn on the damn heat? Probably the blue-hairs were cold, so note to self if I ever decide to do the masochistic bus journey again, will never do so during the day. Either that or I must lose 100 pounds before journey (with those options, I'm seeing a dark journey in my future).

I arrived in London, made my way to the underground, queued 30 minutes for a damn ticket (again with the TOURISTS), rode the subway to Southgate, and then stood outside for almost an hour before Lil'P showed up. Apparently she didn't get the text message(s). Also, didn't know why her mobile went straight to voicemail. Also also, was outside and didn't hear me calling her home line.

Gertie was a cranky camper.

A few slices of pizza put me right again, but by then it was quite late and already time for bed. I slept nearly 9 hours that night and got up to some pretty nasty weather. My whole body was painfully swollen (awaiting test results from doc about that), so I spent the day with my legs elevated and chugging more water.

Lil'P got home and took a long nap and then wee went to the grocery store. Friday too was pouring rain, so we spent all day doing her domestic chores. Friday evening, though, we went over to Alex's place (a flickr buddy), for dinner with her & her husband. I brought a bottle of white bordeaux (something new) and it went nicely with the fajitas she made. That was followed by a lovely apple/strawberry wine and cheesecake (bliss!) I was so surprised to finally notice the time, we'd been there for hours, but had had such a good time that it made up for my lack of activity on Thurs/Fri.

Today, Saturday, I've spent isolated on the sofa trapped inside because of my lady bidness. I am so ready to be done with all this stuff that first thing I'm gonna do when I get home next week is get that damn Mirena coil installed. Installed? Do I mean implanted? Inserted? Ugh, so don't care.

Tomorrow we are going to the countryside to visit with my friend's friends and then Monday (if nice, as forecast) I plan to spend the ENTIRE day wandering about the city getting as many shots from "the list" as possible. Some of my photos from a previous trip should be able to fill in any blanks spots, if needed, and hopefully I'll have enough of the right shots to bring in some desperately needed money.

If necessary, I can (hopefully) go back out on Tuesday to get anything else I need before catching the 10pm bus back to Glasgow.

My biggest task in front of me now is selecting photos to put onto redbubble. *Should I only put up a few (25 or less) or should I put up a big selection (50-100)?* Opinions welcome.

Anybody care to have a look at my flickr photostream and pick out a few shots you think I should put up for sale?

This is the south entrance view of Riverside Museum, Glasgow's new Travel and Transport museum, which can be seen from across the river in Govan.

It seems a bit weird, until you look at the aerial view and see that the building is meant to look like a wave (which goes in line with the whole River theme). At the bottom of that aerial shot (which is not mine, btw) you can see the zig-zag part of the museum with the Tall Ship in front of it.

Knockers & Water Drops

2011-06-27T17:32:00.003Z

Here's a macro shot of my lovely fresh chives, currently growing in a pot in my flat!

This was purchased as a starter plant, otherwise the rest are seeds.

I was looking at getting lavender and rosemary plants as well, but aside from being too expensive, they were too big and more suited to an outdoor garden than indoor pots. Those will have to be grown from seeds, so it'll be awhile yet before I see results.

I had a dream last night that I had emptied out my utility closet and had plants, (including red peppers!), all growing on the shelves but it got darker in the winter so I added a growing light and then my door was busted in by the cops because they thought I was growing weed. heh.

The idea of using the shelves isn't necessarily a bad one, although similar to my dream I don't think the one window is going to provide enough light year round to pull that off. An additional worry I have is growing more than I need, but I guess if that were to happen I could always share with my neighbors.

For now, I'll stick with the few herbs and see how that goes...

Got my tickets for London -- bus company launched a summer sale, making my entire round trip journey only £18. Sweet! Sucks I'm going to have to be on a bus for that many hours, but great on the wallet. I'll be there for few days in July, so there's a chance I'll have decent weather for my photo assignment. All very exciting.

My eating patterns are all messed up, directly correlated to my wonky sleeping (or NOT sleeping) hours and I'd really like to get myself on some sort of schedule. Ideally I'd put myself on a "work" schedule, but if wishes were kisses I'd be the Whore of Babylon by now.

Probably related to the eating/sleeping (as well as the sitting for long hours at the computer), my body has been weirdly swelling and my toes look like wee sausages. I drank a 2nd cup of coffee hoping the diuretic component would help, which it did, but considering the current girth of me I'm making this a priority topic with the doc on Thursday.

I've been working long hours on modifying the website for the charity and I'm super thrilled with the results. Also, I wish I had known about their hosting place (www.moonfruit.com) before I'd renewed mine as the prices are pretty good and the design/editing function is fabulously easy, unlike mine where I need to understand code.

Additionally, I have absolutely no idea how I want my site to look which greatly affects the design process, no? It's always so much easier doing stuff for other folk!

I took more mannequin photos, and am nearly ready to produce my second mannequin book. I'd like to get some night shots too but as it doesn't get dark here until 11pm and is light by 4am, I don't see that happening until later in the year. Unless I can find someone to wander around city centre in the dark with me. Bueller?

No more card sales on etsy, but I've gone ahead and signed myself up to redbubble as a way to sell photo prints, and now I just need to figure out which photos I want to upload and make sure they are big enough (pixel wise) to print well. Some of my earlier works might not be the right size, which will require accessing my archives to see if I can re-edit. Joy.

Speaking of joy, I've been listening to The Best Of Joy Division... I'd watched the movie Control a couple months back and kept meaning to dig out the CD but then yesterday, after they were mentioned in one of my audiobooks, I finally remembered to rip it to my mp3 player and had it playing all day long. They'd probably beat me for calling any of their songs peppy, but the tunes "Incubation" and "Disorder" always make me want to clean ;-D

Ginnie sent me a list of places she'd like to see when here in September/October and I put together a spreadsheet with an itinerary (complete with links) and prices so we've got a better idea what we're (she's) in for. If all goes to plan, we'll be visiting London, Bath, Liverpool, and the Highlands. Very exciting.

I finished watching all 7 seasons of Hill Street Blues, and was feeling a bit like "now what" until I stumbled across the premier of True Blood. Oh goody, there's nothing like nibbly vampires and werewolves for viewing pleasure. Phwoar.

Poor Black Betty hasn't been out for a couple of weeks, and tomorrow is promising to be a clear and sunny day, so I'm planning on heading over to the new Riverside Museum and then having a wander along the river back home. Then, if I'm feeling inspired, I want to get the extension tubes out again and practice more macro shots.

Thoughtful Pose

2011-06-18T20:18:00.005Z

While discussing my issue of loneliness with my cyber buddies, one comment made me think that maybe a big part of my loneliness is less that no one is there for me and more that I don’t have anyone to take care of.

I’ve always been the hostess, the one checking on everyone, the one writing the emails, sending the cards, making the calls, arranging the visits… if I didn’t/don’t do it, then it all stagnates.

It occurs to me that many of my life changes over the past 5+ years (deaths, breakups, relocation, no job, etc) have resulted in the loss of my standard role as caretaker and what I don’t seem capable of is knowing how to care for myself. So maybe I’m not really lonely, just lost. Hmmmm…
______________________________________

I'm not moving. I received more rejections this week, including the job in Inverness, so it looks like I’m not relocating any time soon. Bummer I still don’t have a job, but YAY I don’t have to move.

I tallied my job search log the other day and for the past two years I seem to have averaged 5 applications a week. At first I thought that was too low a number, but reminded myself that I am applying for everything I am qualified for, and several jobs I’m not so it’s not like I’m slacking but more like the pickin's are slim.

In the meantime, I’m still working on photo items I can sell. I’ve been looking into other websites and redbubble seems like an interesting one. You can upload your photos, and they will print and ship in a variety of formats (postcards, card, matt print, mounted print, canvas, framed, etc.) There are no listing fees, instead (like blurb) they take their cost and you get paid the profits based on whatever percentage over cost that you’ve selected. This would save me the hassle of having to print and package stuff myself, so it is certainly worth consideration.

I've just finished a new plant & flower photo book, Nature's Finest and have started working on a second Mannequin book.

I have two questions regarding my new mannequin book:

1) should this book contain only new photos, or would it be okay to include some of the favourites from the first book?

2) I need a title. Mannequins II isn’t ringing any bells for me. Mannequins, book 2?
Posers?
I Pose for You?
Life, Still?
Window Dressing?

After mulling over some feedback, I've decided to go with "Modelling... for Dummies"

I've got two cover ideas. Feel free to weigh in with your preference.
(the cover is for a 7×7 inch book)

heartache & heart throbs

2011-06-15T20:36:00.004Z

Saturday I received notification from Glasgow City Council that my benefits were suspended because I'd stopped claiming Job Seeker's as of 06/06/11. Nooooo, in fact I had my sign-on on the 6th! Stoooopid computer/people error meant I had to spend an hour on Monday trying to get this straightened out. I called Job Centre and asked for a proof of benefits letter, which they said they'd post asap. Talking to the Council, they said it looked like my claim had been corrected and I should not lose any time and would still get my rent payment on the scheduled date. Then today I get my "proof of benefits" letter which shows my claim STOPPED on the 6th of June. So now I need to call back tomorrow and verify once again that yes indeed all is good with everyone. Fuckers.

On the job front, I've received six more rejection letters (out of 19 applications) and one notification that I'm being put forward for an Office Manager job. In Inverness. I'm waiting to hear if I'll be called to interview for that one. Trying to not think about it, as I really don't want to move North, but I'm so desperate for work that I'll have to do it if by some miracle I get this job. I've stuffed that to the back of my mind and will try not to focus on it until necessary.

My friend Jenny, the one who recently moved from Seattle to London, has decided that life on this side of the pond ain't for her and so she's going to be moving back to Seattle. I hadn't seen her in 4 years, and had been so happy to reconnect with her and now I'm feeling really sad about her leaving.

I'm a single woman, and have never really felt lonely, but I think that's because I always had my sisters and my friends and my pets - lots of love and affection on a regular basis. After a crushing betrayal and heartbreak from my (former) best friend, and now nearly a year of estrangement from my sisters, I'm feeling an ache of loneliness I've never felt before.

I suppose I could look at this in a positive light, that I'm actually FEELING something because I've been existing completely closed off. That's the only way I could survive because, damn, this hurts. What I really miss, though, is someone I could trust. Someone I could talk to - about anything. Someone I could count on - for anything. Someone who'll come over for a visit, or invite me over. Someone who'll check on me if I'm sick (and vice versa). Don't get me wrong, I do have a few friends and some online folk, but everyone has their own lives to lead and I'm just a small part. I guess I just want to matter to someone, ya know?

So Jenny's job finishes up the first week of July and then she's going to travel for 4 months before going home. One stop she'll make is another trip here, and she's treating us to a 3 day trip through Rannoch Moor & Glencoe, the Isle of Skye, and Oban. I'm pretty excited about this, and looking forward to spending those days with Jenny before she leaves (and getting some great photos, of course).

I made enough from the card sales to buy more photo prints, so all I need now is more photo corners and I can assemble another 30 sets of cards. After the "whoops" of ordering the wrong card size (3x8, so regular 4x6 prints wouldn't work), I designed some triple shot / triptych style images fitting two on each 5x7 print. Mostly flowers, but also birds, a teddy bear, and my panorma of Loch Lomond. Here's one:
The prints arrived yesterday, and today I took them into the volunteer centre with me to use the paper cutter and cut them to size. I also got a couple 8x10 prints, which still need to be mounted. I really like the new images, and will be putting some new card sets up on Etsy, but here's a question for you: should I put ALL sets I have up for sale at once, or just add a couple every time I sell something?

I'm still trying to make the trip to London next month. Original plans fell through, but if I can get down there and get the specific shots one company was wanting, there's a good chance I'd make enough money to pay for the trip and have a bit in my pocket as well. It's so scary gambling on good weather for a particular period of time in the future. I don't know how people play the stock market; I'd have no stomach lining left!

I did the photoshoot on Sunday (5th) and that went well. I edited the photos and was able to burn to a CD by Wednesday and post out. I haven't heard back yet whether they like the photos (or even whether they received them) but I've already been paid, so don't care. Heh. I'm actually quite proud of the results and I think they'll be pleased as well. They definitely got more than what they paid for, but the potential for referrals is great and I got a wee bit of cash for groceries, so all good. Only downside to the day was that I'd completely forgotten it was opening day for the West End festival, so I missed the parade, etc. I could have attended before the photoshoot, had I dragged my ass out of bed, but I was exploring my sloth side that day and truthfully couldn't be enticed even had I remembered. I think. Maybe not. I have been known to get up at stupid o'clock and trudge through hell and muck if it's a photo opportunity.

Gawd, I really AM a nutter.

I created & uploaded a banner for my Etsy shop, managed to do all my basic chores, did the photo designs, and watched 4 seasons of Hill Street Blues. The show is still good, although at 30 years old it is certainly dated in places. It's been fun to see all these famous stars in what were probably their first acting roles. I'd forgotten how much I fancied Daniel J. Travanti (can you believe he's now 71!?) and was a little shocked to realize that my attraction to my ex-boyfriend Gary was most likely because he was the spitting image of "Mick Belker". See aforementioned "nutter".

I've got 2.5 seasons to go and then I'm not sure what I'll do for entertainment. Perhaps get my fat ass outside to take a walk...

Bubbly Nutter

2011-06-04T00:02:00.004Z

I made the mistake of buying a shirt online from an Amazon seller. I needed this top for interviews (I've long since ebayed what clothes I could) but when it arrived I was dismayed to find that it was way too small. Now, one's first thoughts go in the direction of "damn I've gotten so FAT" but I own another top in the same brand and it's a size smaller but fits better than this one which leads me to believe they mis-labelled it. Anyhoo, the vendor agreed to take the item back for a refund minus the postage which seems fair enough (sort of) EXCEPT I also had to pay to ship that fucker back via recorded delivery. In the end, what this means is that I've spent £5 for absolutely nothing. Oh wait, I guess you could say I paid for a lesson titled "WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER BUY CLOTHES ONLINE".

On Tuesday I had a job interview. I was up about 6 hours before, so you'd think that meant I had plenty of time to get ready but I completely spazzed on time and had to call a taxi (no wonder I can never afford stuff like fresh vegetables!). I probably could have tried but I'm fluffy and rushing around makes me shvitz and that's hardly going to impress a prospective employer is it.

I pop outside just as the cabbie pulls up, and we head off towards the West End. He's cute, and starts chatting so I pop my ears in and try to keep up with the conversation. Even with the hearing aids, it is really difficult to communicate from behind someone, but he kept looking in the rear view mirror so I was able to watch him speak and catch most things.

"Going to Job Interview" "Unemployed 2 years" blah blah "No, my husband doesn't take care of me, I'm not married" "Um, probably because I've never met anyone I could stand long enough to consider keeping around" "No, no boyfriend" "Just cos, I guess"...

I'm getting a bit uncomfortable at this point, and it seems that trying to be truthful is a hassle and I'm kicking myself for not sticking to the simple and ready-made answers (aka LIES) and the next thing I know he's asking me out. He's cute, a bit younger, and obviously has a job so of course my answer should be yes.

And yet I found myself blurting instead, "Um, you see, I'm a bit of a nutter and not really someone to get involved with. But I thank you very much for asking".

Let's recap. A cute fella has just asked to take me to dinner and I've said no. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

We arrive at the interview spot, and he tries to let me out without paying "because you're beautiful" and I think this might have carried over in the interview because hello, what an unexpected boost to the ego.

Then today, I'm re-registering at the Job Centre (don't even get me started on the amount of redundant crap that goes on - it's a government thing so I guess I don't need say more) and I'm not 100% sure but I could swear my new advisor was flirting with me. He even called me bubbly. That's the second person to call me bubbly this week.

The world has gone mad.

Today the weather jumped from yesterday's temperature of 15C/59F to 24C/75F. Lots of red-faced Scots walking around, let me tell ya (me included) and I love how the merest hint of sunshine and everyone in this country heads outside. After the job centre I went for a quick stroll along the Clyde and then popped into the corner charity shop and splurged on a blue pitcher w/4 glasses. I'd just been thinking how it'd be nice to have some plastic-ware to take out back for picnics and voila, there was a pretty set for only £2.99

I'm chuffed with the purchase, but if the universe it taking requests I think I'll aim a little higher next time.

I've got a model photoshoot (possibly) tomorrow and a paid photoshoot on Sunday. Looks like I'm still going to London in July, and if I get the shots the client is asking for, I could just be earning some bucks from that.

Oh, OH, I nearly forgot, one of my photos is being published with an article about Inverness Castle in The North Magazine's summer issue. I'll post up the page once it's printed.

Crikey, almost forgot, I just received notice that I have an appointment with the Endocrine/ Diabetes clinic on June 30th. I'm trying to keep my expectations in check, but I really really hope that they can finally give me the help I've been asking for.

Aaaaaand, I think that pretty much covers this past week.

I'M not getting a cat, I'm NOT getting a cat, I'm not...

2011-05-27T19:54:00.002Z

I'm NOT getting a cat
I'm NOT getting a cat
I'm NOT getting a cat
I'm NOT getting a cat
I'm NOT getting a cat
I'm NOT getting a cat ...

that's what I've been saying over and over for the past five minutes ever since my friend Emma linked to this video. WARNING: the cute may prove fatal.

Free Prints & Floating Heads

2011-05-24T21:56:00.003Z

This morning my "free" prints arrived from snapfish and, well, let's just say I'm displeased. It appears this is the week for composing hate mail (I kid) and getting returns authorized.

On Saturday I finally started an Etsy shop, selling sets of blank photo cards and (eventually) photo prints. I put 17 sets (I'd already sold 3 of the original 20 sets to a lady at the volunteer centre) up for sale and as of right now I've sold 5, so that's a pretty good start.

I found that the place where I originally bought the card stock at a discount also has an online shop, so I won't have to make a trip to Edinburgh to stock up. Not that I'd mind going to Edinburgh, as I haven't seen Sarah since February and it would be nice to catch up, but money wise I don't think that's in the cards (heh) anytime soon.

I'm going to see what I can finish here at home product wise, and then I'd like to update my Etsy site with a shop banner, etc. Simultaneously I'd like to update my own website, adding the Etsy link etc. and generally do a complete overhaul to the look. My main concern with modifying my website, however, is losing the lighbox function that Gavin wrote for me. I'm sure I could figure out how to keep it, but I'm still not thinking clearly lately and whenever I start to look at all the code my eyes glaze over and I start thinking about the word glaze, and the next thing you know I'm craving doughnuts.

hey, speaking of sugar, I'm cooking up the last of the stuff in my cupboards and now that I have an oven I realized I could finally make the pumpkin pie I'd originally meant to have for Thanksgiving last year. I took a gander at the ingredient list, looked at my half-full jar of sugar and added sugar to my shopping list. I was trying to calculate when it was I last bought sugar and remembered it was when I was making pumpkin pies for Lorna in December *2009*. That means it has taken me nearly a year and a half to consume 1KG (=5 cups) of sugar. Is that normal...?

When Jenny was here, I took her to the Church O'Lush and quickly converted her to their wickedly addicting products. For a moment I felt like I was cheating, seeing as how I'd entered the sanctuary without Sarah at my side, but too soon I was frolicking happily amongst all that natural goodness and knew that wherever she was I'd have her blessing.

Jenny chose a few pieces, based on my testimonial(s), and I went all-out asking for samples of this and that. It's nearing the time for me to colour my hair, which is the perfect opportunity for me to use my new sample of BIG because it's got a lot of lemon in it and since I colour my hair darker it's sort of a waste of a dye job so I wait to use it until a time like this.

On Sunday I took a nice long shower, where I reneged on my vow to shave my legs but DID slather up the head nice and BIG and oh my I lurve how that stuff smells. Yesterday morning I had to run errands in town, and each time the gale force winds whipped my hair across my face I got a luscious whiff of lemons (etc).

I stopped at the Post Office to mail off my Etsy sales, headed over to the GoMA to return my library books, and then popped into the hair salon on the corner. My friend Tabassum had given me a gift voucher for a haircut which, when applied to the standby / walkin-in price, meant my haircut only cost me £2! It was worth the full price, though, and I'd willing go there again. I got a shampoo & head massage, cut and blow dry and found a hairdresser that actually listens to what I ask for. She's young, but when we were discussing fun dye jobs and she mentioned that she liked having her hair pink but when the roots grow out it looks "tacky", I knew she was the gal for me.

An hour and a half later and 3 inches of hair lighter, I stepped out of the shop of pampering and into the little city of horrors. The wind was so fierce that I was nearly hit by a flying chair (I kid you not) from the outdoor seating at a restaurant three doors down. I picked up the chair and carried it back to the restaurant, and then ducked into a doorway to wait out some of the rain.

A few minutes later I came to the conclusion there'd be no waiting this out, so I zipped my mp3 player into my bag, tucked my head down, and bolted for the mall. Once inside I made a quick stop at Boots, another at Tesco, and then dashed across to the subway to make my way home where I quickly changed into some snuggly pjs and then sat in front of the computer wavering about whether or not to climb into bed and ignore the storm. Eventually, when the wood-slat blinds started to flapp (mind you, the windows were CLOSED), I gave in to the call of my bed.

Today I met Emma in town for a coffee chat, and then went to my job Agency check-in. It was still a little windy, but no longer raining and I really felt like taking a walk but by the time I reached the underground I'd lost the enthusiasm for exercise and decided to go home and finish up some of my chores.

This is the Anchor Mill in Paisley (Scotland), a former textile finishing mill built in 1886 and then converted to expensive apartments in 2005.

The banoffee cheesecake and vanilla ice cream I had for dessert at the Indian Cottage

Blue Poppy (never seen these before, but they are quite large and such a gorgeous blue!)

Heads,by Sophie Cave, part of the Expression exhibit at the Kevlingrove Museum.

Siberian Bugloss (false forget-me-nots)

Forget-me-nots

2011-05-19T19:19:00.002Z

Lots happened over these past 10 days... Thursday evening, after my shift at the volunteer centre, I came home and finally started on the yard work. Unfortunately it began to rain after just half an hour, so I called it a night and went inside to do the housework.

On Friday I got up about half 7 and finished both sides of the front yard AND cleaned out the midden. After I put my tools away and took a shower, I composed replies to my neighbors who'd dropped me notes the previous week, and dropped those off upstairs.

Gavin & Abi came up to Scotland and along with his mum we all went to Stirling for a looksee and some good chow. Saturday through Monday I had a rather enjoyable visit with Jenny, a friend I went to school with in Seattle, who moved over to London earlier this year. She arrived early Saturday morning and we spent the whole weekend wandering around Glasgow, checking out the "sites" and making frequent pub stops. I actually slept about 7 hours each night, which is the most sleep I've had since I had the flu at Christmas! It had been 4 years since I'd seen her last, so we had a lot of catching up to do, and it felt really nice to have someone to hang out with. I rather liked playing tour guide, and my body was absolutely thrilled with the hours of walking. Seriously. I've felt better these past few days and hope I can continue getting back into my old exercise patterns.

Good news! On Friday the agent installed a *NEW* oven, so now I can cook again. He said I'd need to heat it for 20 minutes to get rid of the fumes that new ovens put out, but the reality is it was more like three days of running it an hour each time. It still has a slight chemical smell, but is no longer toxic like the first couple of times I ran it. Only trick now is to learn the temperature settings, as it runs a bit higher than my old oven. I kinda burned the bread last night, enough so I didn't want to eat it as is, but tonight I sliced off the burnt exterior and added the innards to soup - so no wasted food this time.

I had my doctor visit on Tuesday morning, which didn't go well. She basically is refusing to prescribe me Metformin because she says that it is not a weight loss medicine but something that is to regulate hormones for women trying to get pregnant and she can't see how this will benefit me. Also, the rash on my back (sorry for TMI)has returned and she said that there is nothing I can do to prevent it, that it is not curable and will continue to recur. All I can do is take medicine for it every couple of months. Oh yeah, she also said that she believes I need therapy to teach me how to cope because I am obviously not coping and that's probably why I am failing at my job interviews too. She did say she'd refer me to an Endocrinologist, but that was just before I walked out on her (while she was still talking) so I'm not sure if that will really happen.

I was feeling quite at the end of my rope after that, as I'd been holding on to hope that something, anything would help some of the symptoms I've been dealing with and now that all hopes have been dashed I need to regroup and decide my next course of action. I really do feel like giving up, most days, and having my hopes crushed like that doesn't help. Basically I'm out of options and have to figure out if I think I can handle being this way for the rest of my life. Conundrum.

After that burr in my butt episode, I went to town to meetup with ember for coffee and a chat. Things are pretty rough for her right now and all I want to do is jump in and make things better. In the end all I can do is listen, and be there if she needs me.

In the afternoon, I had a meeting to finish up the new campaign poster for the volunteer centre and then I can't remember what I did after that. Probably edited some photos.

On Wednesday I attended a workshop, and have now been asked to provide a write up of the event. Fuck. I hate doing that shit. I didn't like it when it was for work, and like it even less when I'm not getting paid for it. Part of me wants to tell the project lead that it's her job to do it and I don't wanna, but this is good practice for when I finally get back into a job and am tasked with repetitive TPS reports.

This morning the mailman brought me notification from the Council that my housing benefits are being reduced by an additional £30 per month. I am grateful to be getting any benefits at all, but damn I'm barely squeaking by (and that only because I've charged more than £10K on my credit cards) and now somehow I have to find £30 from my weekly £20 food & travel budget. This just isn't funny anymore.

Following that little bit of sunshine, the bus drove right past me this morning so I had to walk IN THE RAIN with my camera bag, etc. and it was really REALLY hard to not be a complete bitch by the time I arrived at the centre. The ladies there are so nice, though, that I was able to refocus my attention to the project at hand and we had a fun afternoon photoshoot which resulted in a terrific image for the new campaign. I had designed the poster with an image found off the internet, but we don't have time to try and find the owner and get permission so I asked one of the employees to be the model and we made a good go at replicating the image.

I'm home now, and in desperate need of a shower, but all I really want to do is go buy a bag of cookies and snuggle under the duvet and watch a film. Perhaps, instead, I'll run a bath and pour myself a glass of Glayva and then climb into bed (sans cookies)...

I choose vodka

2011-05-09T19:51:00.005Z

I finally, FINALLY, finished assembling the packs of photo greeting cards I started way back in December (or was it even earlier?!). I sorted through all the photos I’d had printed last year, choosing ones I thought would go together, and also printed some of the photos I’d made into “watercolors”, etc.

I then printed up cards with thumbnail images of the cards, adding my logo and contact info and price. I’ve got 20 sets of 5 cards selling for £3.99 each although now I’m kind of kicking myself at the price, as this means I need to make sure I’ve got 1p coins for change. Doh.

I’m gonna take them in to the volunteer centre on Wednesday and Thursday, so hopefully I’ll get some buyers there. If I sell half I can pay my electricity and if I sell them all I can even pay the gas bill. Woot!

Just when you start to think of yourself as a bloody genius, the universe has a way of bringing your ego back down to earth. I was in the middle of cooking myself something to eat when I figured out that I needed to use a flour sifter, one of the many kitchen tools that I do not own (anymore). Bloody genius that I am, I grabbed the cheese grater and was able to use that to lightly sprinkle the flour. Voila.

Later, while I was in the other room mindlessly playing a game of Flowerz and forgetting I had stuff on the stove, the universe vaporized all of the water and set to burning not only the food but my favourite pot too. Thankfully I smelled the smoke and was able to keep the entire kitchen from catching fire, but damn I felt like an idiot for the rest of the weekend.

The oven broke and now I nearly burned up the hob... maybe what the universe is really trying to tell me is to quit cooking. OR maybe it was saying I need to quit fucking around and go outside already. Today was the first time I've left the flat since Wednesday and that was only because I was completely out of food and cash, which necessitated a trip to asda where I could use my credit card.

I managed the trip in between shower storms, and spent a long time wandering up and down the aisles looking at stuff I wanted (ie., new glassware and sheets) before picking up the stuff I actually needed (ie., chocolate). I filled a backpack and two bags and made the trek back home and while I initially hadn't wanted to go it felt really good to get that bit of exercise.

I'd like to continue this feeling and maybe get outside to do the yard work tomorrow. The same damn yard work I've been talking about doing since February. I apparently can TALK a lot about doing stuff but seem to lack any real follow through. That's so not me. I used to be a dynamo, a go-getter, the gal that would get. things. done.

Or maybe this IS the real me and for years I've just been disguising myself as a capable and responsible adult. Maybe I really am just lazy. Maybe I really do like a dirty house. Maybe I like being fat and alone and on welfare. Or maybe not.

"At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible... and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: to give up and accept [this]... or not, and this time I choose not. I will not be defeated ...

Instead, I choose vodka.

And Chaka Khan."

Keep Going

2011-05-05T17:40:00.003Z

I'm not sure where April went. If I hadn't taken pictures, I would have sworn we just skipped that month altogether. It's amazing how much time disappears when you exist in a mild fugue.

The day at Loch Katrine was pleasant, and although not the sunny weather I'd been hoping for it is well worth a visit. Pretty scenery and some cool discoveries off the beaten path. Even saw some Highland Cows and got some photos of a cute white baby one and another nursing. Awwww.

The day after, and for the next two weeks, it was incredibly blue here. I even took a photo of just the blue sky, it was so lovely. Of course, as today was the day (finally) scheduled for the yard work, it is now raining. Ah well, another day to stay inside and faff about on the computer. The other day I posted a note up on the building's front door informing my neighbours that I'd be happy to do the weeding and clean the midden if someone would donate some large rubbish bags (I don't have any, nor the money to buy any) and two of the neighbours came through. They both left notes thanking me for my efforts, and telling me to pop round for a visit soon as they'd thought I'd move out. Huh? Guess I've been more of a recluse than I realized!

I've been listening to Imelda May (Mayhem), a birthday pressie from Lil'P, and while I think the entire album is good, I'm totally in love with this gorgeous torch song:

I've revised my CV(s) and contacted several recruitment agencies in Glasgow but still no joy. Found out yesterday that my stint at the job Agency ends on June 1st and I have to go back to the job centre. Motherfucker, it looks like that broad at the job centre was right - I AM going to be back there. Bummer.

I've been stressing over this whole unemployment thing, to the point that I'm making myself physically ill. Eventually I started to comfort feed myself, which of course has led to a significant weight gain in just two months. Not sure if that is what's caused the skin issues to surface but I wouldn't be surprised. I really am looking quite the mess right now. Poo.

I've got $3 in my US account, yet need $150 to make the MINIMUM payment on credit card #1 by May 19. Credit Card #2 has mysteriously raised my limit (yay) so I'm hoping to borrow against that. This means I have to withdraw the cash here, deposit into my Scotland account and then wire it to my US account. I went to the ATM last week, only to be informed I had the wrong PIN - which led to several frustrating emails back and forth with the bank trying to solve the problem; fingers crossed my sister receives the PIN in time for this to happen.

Speaking of sisters, not only did I get the super cool Kindle for my birthday but last week I received an Easter box from Sally! Lots of wee goodies, like instant Jell-O pudding (chocolate AND vanilla), scented candles, a Pottery Barn catalogue and Martha Stewart's Living (my versions of porn), photos of Molly, and a cute kit for painting plaster magnets.

I didn't feel like using the pastel paints that came in the kit, so I dug out my acrylics from 2009 and made my own colours. Turns out I don't have much in the way of a steady hand, so I poured myself a large drink and blamed it on the paintbrush. Rather therapeutic to paint, I highly recommend it.

Next week I might get a visit from a Gav, and the weekend after my friend Jenny is coming up from London for a couple of days. Then, if all goes as planned, I'll be spending a week in July down in London catsitting for Petra and getting to wander around the city taking photos. That's still 2 months away, though, so I need to scout some local places to go. Also, if the weather improves again, I'm thinking of offering some "free" days for model shoots to give myself some more practice. If the weather stays crap, then maybe I can finally get around to revising my photo website.

I read a really good fiction book (The Pursuit of Happiness) last week. This was in the pile of books Lesley brought me and I'd kept moving it to the bottom because for some reason I thought it was the book of that Will Smith movie (it's not) and now it's one I think I'm actually going to keep. I don't keep books very often (anymore), but this one struck a chord and I think I'd like to read it again someday. I was so sad when it ended, not because of how it ended, but because it _was the end_.

Is there a special book you've read that elicited the same kind of response?

From the Blair Drummond Safari Park:

Hills & Shores

2011-04-23T13:34:00.002Z

I've had two really good photoshoot adventures in the past week, with another scheduled for tomorrow. Last weekend a flickr buddy and I climbed up Duncryne Hill and got to look at this amazing view:

We stayed up there for a couple of hours and then made our way back down, stopping along the way to take photos (of course)of the local scenery.

Once back at the car, we headed over to Loch Lomond Shores for some dinner, selecting a table outside with this view:

Yesterday two other flickr buddies and I went to the Blair Drummond Safari Park (no photos uploaded for that yet) and tomorrow I'm heading over to Loch Katrine (weather permitting).

This morning I was rudely woken by the door buzzer at 7:34AM. I stumbled out of bed, answered the buzzer, pulled my robe on and opened the door to the postman handing me a package. I told him thank you, closed the door, and climbed back under the covers. A couple hours later I'm awake and suddenly remember the box and inside I find that my sisters sent me a Kindle! I'm so excited, like a little kid, even more so than I was yesterday getting to take pictures of all the animals!

Speaking of pictures, here's one I took of a dandelion from my front "yard". I've never noticed before just how much detail there is to a frickin' weed. Why, they're bee-yoo-tee-full.

Days Like This

2011-04-10T19:51:00.005Z

Last week? Not so good. This week? Improving, although I still feel like I'm walking around with a blinking "caution" sign on my forehead. My mental state plummeted to such a low that at one point I was seriously considering walking myself into the ER for some sedation.

Instead I retreated to bed where I (eventually) managed to get some sleep, which helped bring a little clarity. Friday a friend dropped by, with treats and a French film, and this too helped. Today another friend came by and we setup chairs and a table outside for a long lunch in the sunshine. We then did a practice photoshoot for her (she wants some portrait shots) and after I walked her to the subway I picked a bright yellow dandelion and brought it into the house to try out my extension tubes (they turn my camera lens into a macro lens, but the setup is heavy and really should be used with a tripod. Another item for the wishlist!).

Between the talking, good food, sunshine, time with the camera, and the fact that I (finally) cleaned the flat, it is starting to feel a bit more 'normal' around here. I'm kinda sleepy now, after all the activity, and hope tonight will bring me a full night's rest.

I have my Agency appointment on Tuesday, which I'm dreading a little as I've only managed to apply for 4 jobs in the past two weeks and haven't made any other progress in my hunt. I think I need to just be honest with her and let her know what's going on, but disclosure isn't something I do easily.

I've booked my grocery delivery for tomorrow (3 cheers for fresh salad & veg!), and if the weather is poopy I'll stay inside and finish editing my friend's photos. If it's nice, though, I want to get out and do the weeding and cleaning of the midden before it all becomes a soggy mess again. I've always enjoyed gardening, and this is the closest I get to that here. Someday, when I have money again, I'd like to install some planters with flowers out front and a couple of rolling planters in the back for herbs.

someday...(sigh)

The Ostrich Method

2011-04-01T14:13:00.004Z

I can't stop listening to this song:

Last Saturday I attended a photo wander along the River Clyde in Glasgow. We lucked out with some decent weather, and I took some nice reflection shots. We also got to watch folks zipping across the Clyde on a cable 150ft above the river. One woman waved as she was going across, which cracked me up. Way to enjoy the ride!

We continued on to Glasgow Green, watching some of the rowers on the river and then split off with some folk heading home and the rest of us taking a drive over to a local cemetery and then having a final stop at Crookston Castle. The weather wasn't so nice by this point, but the deep clouds made for a nice spooky shot of the castle.

Afterwards I went over to my friend Caroline's for dinner. She lived in China for 8 years, so was making some authentic Chinese food - from scratch! We nattered on during the prepping and cooking, and well into the night. By the time I got home, and changed my clocks forward, it was 2am. I am a party girl.

I slept in on Sunday, and then started on processing my photos before throwing in towel and climbing into bed to watch episodes from The Killing. I stayed up way too late doing that (good show!) so when the alarm went off a mere couple hours later, I decided "to hell with" the clinic and promised myself to go the following week.

Monday afternoon I dropped Lorna's birthday card in the post on my way to the job centre for my final sign-on, as I now only have to check in with the (job) Agency. I arrived a couple of minutes late, as I must have set my watch wrong. Either that or the battery is going, which is entirely possible as this one is nearly two years old (I don't know why I fry batteries, but I do). The regular agent, who I've been seeing for at least the past year, ask me how it was going. I told her this was my last day to sign on there and she said, "well, I'll see you back here again when you don't find a job". And then she laughed. What the fuck?

On Tuesday I went for my sign-on at the Agency and now I don't have to go back for another two weeks. I do, however, need to make some serious progress on applications and follow up calls. Finding work is sure a lot of work. Sigh.

On Wednesday I had my usual time at the Volunteer Centre but as we've reached the conclusion of all the year-end stuff I didn't have much to do. Afterwards I met with another friend for a wander around the neighborhood, and made it home in time for my grocery delivery. Once again I have food in the house, but still feel there isn't a damn thing to eat. I hate it when I'm "good" and don't order any quick/junk to nosh on. Also, I really miss having an oven. Still. I should probably call the landlord this week and find out when I can expect the overdue replacement.

Yesterday I took delivery of my new Merrell walking shoes, a gift from Lil'P, and I'm looking forward to getting my ass out of the house and trying those out. We've had a few days of rain, but I'm expecting sunshine aaaaaany minute now.

Last night was the Volunteer Appreciate Dinner at Ashoka, just down the road from that new clinic I went to last week. Funny how once I go somewhere new things transpire to make me go to the same area for other reasons. I'm certainly getting to know my way around Glasgow. Thank goodness for google maps and being able to pull up the view so I could see where I was going. It makes getting off at the right stop a whole lot easier. The food was nice, although buffet style, so I overate. Pakora's fat free, right? :-D

I thought that if only I wasn't wearing high heels it would be nice to walk home to ease the fullness, but one of the staff offered a ride so I opted to save both my feet and bus fare. Once home I started in on drinking lots and lots of water (man, Indian food sure is salty) so I remained full for the rest of the evening. Not conducive to getting a lot done but at least I slept soundly.

Today I've been doing a bunch of flickr stuff, cursing them both under my breath and OUT LOUD. I hate when they make these random changes that fuck up everything. In our challenge groups, we need to keep the open threads at the top, so we'd normally put a "bump" comment in that move the thread up and then we'd delete that comment. Only now, when you delete the bump comment, it moves the thread back to the last position it held. ARGH. Minor problem when compared to world issues, but it's annoying as hell so my solution was to log off flickr and ignore the problem for a few hours. Two thumbs up for the ostrich method!!

Speaking of avoiding things, I still haven't done any housework and the dust bunnies are gearing up to revolt. I don't have any plans for the weekend, so by the hammer of Thor I hope like hell to muster enough motivation to tackle the job. And if the sun does make an appearance, I'd like to put on my new shoes and take the camera out for a spin...

From Saturday's photoshoot:

A Brolly and Some Cupcakes

2011-03-24T16:03:00.003Z

"Thanks for attending the recent interview for the above role.

I enjoyed meeting you and the discussion however unfortunately I regret to advise that due to the number of high quality candidates we have received for the vacancy we will not be progressing your application further on this occasion.

Thanks for your interest in our Company and wishing you all the best.

Kind regards"

Due to the number? They interviewed 5 people. 5! So out of 5, I sucked enough to not make it to the 2nd interview. So I didn't get this job in Edinburgh, which really bummed me out, but at least that means I don't have to move anytime soon. I got a lot of good feedback from the (job search) Agency today, plus some really helpful information, and learned of a few more things they can do to assist me so now I'm feeling a whole lot better about the process. I have a couple of tweaks to make to my CV(s) and will continue the hunt tomorrow. I'm still struggling but the light at the end of the tunnel just might not be a train, ya know?

This past weekend I spent tucked up under the duvet, watching the first Season of Supernatural. How had I not seen this series before?! Probably not the wisest choice, to start watching this late at night. Alone. In the dark. But man, what a rush!

On Sunday I received my 2011 Scotland Census, which I promptly tossed into the recycling bin before completing the form online. Done and dusted, in 100 years should anybody care to track my movements they'll now know where I was and what I was doing as of March 2011. I don't know who those mythical searchers would be, considering I won't be leaving any sort of living legacy (ie., children) but perhaps I'll do something famous/ infamous before I die and there will be a curious sort that wants to delve into the person behind the thing/event.

On Monday I went to the clinic to get myself fitted with the Mirena coil. I've thought a lot about what the OBGYN said and made the decision to move forward with improving the things that I can improve and one of those is to fix my periods to a manageable level. Long story short, the clinic fucked up and I have to go back next Monday but hopefully this time I'll get in and get it done. If this thing works the way it is supposed to, I'll gain at least 3 days a month in which I can be more productive instead of being held hostage in my home so I can take care of my "bidness" every half hour. Not holding my breath, but I'll still try it.

Yesterday I did the photography for yet another charity event and afterwards a couple women approached me about "jobs". One wants me to do a private photoshoot and another would like me to teach her admin skills. Not a lot of money, but it is a start, and these are the kinds of things that I can be doing 'under the table' which might possibly lead to some more work.

I sold another coat on ebay and was able to use that money to buy an external speaker for my netbook. I normally just use my earbuds for sound, but sometimes I want to play music while I'm doing stuff around the house and I don't own a stereo. I used to have a clock radio/cd player but it stopped playing cds and the radio reception is sporadic, at best. Anyhoo, after reading a LOT of reviews on amazon, I settled on the XMI X-mini II Mini Speaker. It arrived today and I'm so impressed! It's usb powered, about the size of a hacky sack, and puts out a lot of sound. Now that I have no excuse, tomorrow I'll be putting on the Gypsy Kings and getting down to some seriously neglected house cleaning.

I probably should have used that £14 towards one of my many, MANY, bills (like my domain and web hosting which is due on the 1st) but there is a part of me so childishly thrilled with getting a new toy that I've decided against feeling guilty.

I've come to the conclusion that once again I have been slacking in the looks department, and think it's time to start paying more attention to my appearance. I got out my jewellery box and polished up my few remaining pieces (all silver, of course) and have promised myself to wear earrings everyday for the next week, no matter what. Necklaces too. I've either sold or given away most of my good clothes, and have been getting by with many layers of cheap t-shirts which is great for the wallet but sad for the, erm, sad gal. I need to be Gok'd. Except a lot of his choices scare the ever lovin' hell outta me. Yesterday I threw away two pairs of boots that had served their time, and took stock of what I've got in there. Petra told me she's sending up a new pair for me (yay), so really all I need is a good pair of work shoes - something that can be a little classy, if needed, but comfy to walk in as well. Any ideas?

We've been having the craziest weather here, snowing last week and then so warm yesterday that I walked home from the charity event without a coat. It was gorgeous again today, and I'm hoping the forecast holds for sun on Saturday as we have a Tog meetup scheduled for a photoshoot along the River Clyde. And if I can get another day like this next week I'd like to go across to the Edinburgh Zoo. It's been nearly 2 years since I went the first/last time, and I have a craving for more animal shots. Oooh, that reminds me, it is lambing season! I should see if I can find somewhere to photograph me some baby sheep.

Along with the better weather, the days are getting longer and with Daylight Saving on Sunday it will be light past half seven. I'm thinking it's time to remove some of the curtains in my bedroom, so I can rise with the sun and maximize my efforts to walk more. I absolutely love this time of the year, and need to take advantage of any mood improvement. Good weather, more daylight, and an increase in exercise just might make me fucking normal.

This is a shot I took while wandering city centre with my friend Lesley. I like how the buildings are reflected in the window.

Waverley Railway Station in Edinburgh, from the day of my interview:

Sunshine! (Glasgow City Chambers in George Square)

Central Station in Glasgow:

Sweets on offer at one of the charity events I attended this month:

Stairway to Coffee

2011-03-15T21:49:00.003Z

I had a job interview in Edinburgh today. Funny how nervous one gets when one really wants something. This job, which at first seemed just another admin position has turned into a place where I really want to work. And that, of course, made me super nervous for my interview today. THANKFULLY Sarah was on hand, taking time out of her busy day to meet me before the interview, which helped calm my nerves a lot. I have absolutely no idea how it went, as I can’t seem to gauge these things at all. This was round one, so hopefully by end of the week I’ll know if I advance to round two

I needed to be at the top of my game today, so of course the universe threw lots of curve-balls at me to see if I could stand the heat (what's up with the baseball metaphors?). I woke later than the alarm because I'd stayed up late editing the photos from the charity photoshoot last Saturday. Apparently they needed some photos for articles running in some papers and the deadlines were today. They knew about this before but hadn't thought to email me until yesterday evening. I was pretty irked about the situation and let them know, but in a nice way. Another thing I have learned from doing all this free work is that I need to establish proper "due dates". I don't know how they expected me to have already processed 500 photos (magic?), but I can't really blame them for their ignorance of the procedure. Each time I do this I learn something new, so hopefully when it comes to paying clients I'll have this stuff down pat. Much easier to learn the hard lessons this way than to have pissed off clients, no?

So, I awoke later than planned this morning and had to rush through my shower and in my haste I sort of fell and twisted my back a little. Persevering I got myself dressed, only to find it was gawdamn snowing outside. Argh. Once in Edinburgh I was still a bit sore, but discovered that part of the soreness in my lower back was actually because I'd started my period. Fabulous. THEN the zipper broke on one of my boots (thankfully I was able to borrow one of the safety pins that was holding my vest together) and part of the heel broke off on the other. Time for new boots. After all this, I still arrived with plenty of time to meet Sarah and get something to eat, which helped calm my nerves.

I had my sign on with the job centre yesterday, and also my check in with the agency. They now want me to start cold calling companies to see if anyone is looking for an Office Manager. Again I ask - what in the hell is the government paying them for if I am doing all the work? I have TWO appointments with the agency next week, one with the "marketing" person who wants to meet with me and get a better idea of what I'm all about so they can pitch me to potential employers. Now that's what I'm talking about!

My sister sent an email telling me it was time to renew my US Driver's License, which I was easily able to do online. I don't use my license here, but I don't want it to lapse. If there was an emergency and I needed to drive, I would still sort of be legal having that. I also need to renew my US Passport, which I can do via the embassy in London but getting the proper size photo sounds like a royal pain in the ass and I'm not sure I want to add the $110 charge onto my visa right now. Especially since it's not like I'm going to be travelling to the US anytime soon. Anywhere else I would go I'd just use my British passport. Then again, it is probably easier to renew BEFORE it expires on my birthday next month. Also, I'd get to tick that fucker off my To Do List...

I took a "Brain Test" yesterday and according to the results I am 57% left brained and 43% right brained (yet another thing where I'm in the middle), which explains why I'm a critical thinker that can operate on gut instinct. Interesting.

It's bloody cold in here again, so I'm going to call it an early night and crawl under the duvet with my hot water bottle to watch the first season of Supernatural (loaner from Sarah). I heard it's a good show!

Here's a shot I took last night on my way to meet Emma inside Princes Square:

From the photoshoot in the Scottish Highlands:

Loch Etive (Glen Etive)

A Red Deer stag:

Waterfall on the River Coupall, below Buachaille Etive Mòr:

Glen Etive:

And an abandoned bicycle at the entrance to the Foresters House road:

my node is plud ubd

2011-03-10T00:01:00.002Z

I had the beginnings of a cold last week, but dosed myself heavily with zinc and vitamin C and stayed in bed all day Friday so I'd be prepared for the photoshoot on Saturday. What I should have been doing instead was preparing myself a bag of clothes to change into as just half an hour into the shoot I found myself sinking in a peat bog up to my CHEST.

We'd arrived in Rannoch Moor and stopped to take photos at Lochan Nah Achlaise. Some of the photographers had gone on ahead, placing stepping stones on the more secure pathway, but the notification was not passed along to this deaf girl and I found myself stepping into a boggier and boggier mess. One step forward and my foot was sinking fast, actually being pulled down like quicksand. I attempted to manoeuvre my other foot but that one went down just as quick and before I knew it I was sinking and all I could think about was "OHMYGAWD MY CAMERA". I was holding my camera up with my right hand and my bag with my left, so all I could do was kind of lean forward onto my chest until my feet were released. I yelled for someone to help me, but they all just stood there either laughing or taking pictures (fuckers) and no one came to my aid. I managed to slither forward to more solid ground where I used my elbows to crawl up and out. Water was then pouring out of my wool coat, so I yelled again for someone to PLEASE come and get my camera for fuck sake.

Thankfully it wasn't too cold up there, but it wasn't the most pleasant thing to be soaking wet for 7 hours. Strangely, though, whenever I'm out shooting I get so happily absorbed into what I'm doing that I hardly notice any of the 'bad' stuff. I nearly fell again (whoops) at the next stop when I was trying to jump around the rocks at the waterfall, because my jeans were glued to my legs and greatly hampered any freedom of movement. I decided to take it easy from then on, and didn't have any more mishaps. Unless you count the Ross-like incident, when I'd ducked behind a tree for a pee and had a bit of trouble getting the jeans back up! heh.

On Sunday I got up after a wonderful night's rest (hours of walking in fresh air makes me sleep hard) and started to work on my To Do List. I was greatly bummed to discover that I'd misread my warranty date for the netbook (it was the 5th, not the 15th) and have now missed my chance to send back the netbook for free service. So fingers crossed this puppy doesn't fully tank any time soon.

In good news, I've listed more stuff on ebay and the first one posted sold in less than 24 hours. No movement yet on the others, but they are getting looked at.

The landlords finally agreed to pay the portion of the gas bill that they owe me. It took a bit of, um, persuading on my part, but today he told me he'd send a cheque asap. Now to magically find the money for the rest of the bill. Shocking the amount I owe considering just how bloody cold it was in here all winter. Just goes to show what lousy insulation and windows will (won't?) do.

I'm still waiting on the oven repair, for nearly 2 months now. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to have to move to Edinburgh (if I get the job I interview for on the 15th); I'd finally be rid of this place. I'd still be sad to leave, though, as despite all the problems I really do love my flat. And oh how I love thee, Glasgow!

Speaking of jobs, I went to my second appointment with the Job Search Agency (aka Clueless Fuckers) and she actually said to my face, "you aren't our usual client, so we don't really know what to do for you". They want to get me signed up with temp agencies, so those people can look for jobs for me. Let's recap. This agency is being paid by the government to FIND ME A JOB. I have already provided them my CV, I have already signed up with several online job search engines, and I already actively pursue and apply for jobs. All stuff they normally do for clients. Now they want other agencies to do the searching. Just what are they getting paid for?! All this does is waste my time having to go in there once a week, plus cost me an additional £2.40 a week in travel to attend those meetings (not reimbursable as it is considered part of the job hunting process - but I think it should be as this is mandatory to attend). I am SO ready to be employed and not have to deal with this poo anymore.

I recently watched a movie (Born Romantic) on the bbc iplayer, but when I went to log it into the AllConsuming site I found that I'd already consumed that flick back in 2007. I have absopositively no recall of that film. none. nada. nyet. And apparently I didn't like it then, either. Go figure.

Speaking of watching stuff online, I greatly adore the Being Human series on the BBC and am really enjoying Series 3. Imagine my surprise, then, to find out that the US has made their own version of the show. Makes me wonder now if some of the conversations I've had about favourite TV shows the people meant the US one. I thought it only fair to watch a couple of their episodes before slagging it off, but its actually not that bad. Sure the premise is the same, and the basic storyline is nearly exact (so far) but otherwise these are totally different shows. So now that I've been fair, I have to say that hands down I still prefer the UK show. The characters are better developed, and it's funnier too.

Last night I got to meet Emma for a drink (and nachos!). After my agency appointment, I wandered around city centre for a bit while waiting for ember to finish work, and stopped by the £Pound store to get us each a caramel cadbury egg, and then swung by the library to pickup 3 more audiobooks. Since I was checking stuff out, I was given a free copy of the Aye Write promoted book Lanark. I love free books!

Today we got the banner back from the printers (for the Volunteer Centre) and it looks fantastic. We also got the Annual Report, and it does not. I repeatedly TOLD them they needed to get a printed proof, and also told them I was willing to read and edit the text but they assured me that they'd already had that done. Yeah, not trying to be a smartass here, but perhaps it wasn't the brightest choice for the "editor" to be someone who's only been speaking/reading/writing English for a couple of years. Also, the paper weight of the cover was wrong. I found 14 errors, which I circled and brought to their attention hoping to head off the printer before he finished the additional 1500 copies. Nope, too late. We now have inferior booklets and I'm only thankful my bloody name isn't on them. This shouldn't make me mad (although at this time of month EVERYTHING seems to make me angry), but it was so damn unnecessary. I was invited to join the management committee, which I'm more inclined to do so now because I would have the power to overrule the stubborn admin who botched this on any future projects. It's worth considering. Might add weight to my CV if I can show I sit on the board of a charity...

We've got a huge conference in Dundee on Saturday, and I'm the 'official' photographer (gratis, of course), which is another chance to improve my event skills and add another line to my client list - the list I still need to write up and add to my website. It's getting nearer to the top, though, so hopefully I'll have that done before month end.

I don't have the photos from Saturday's shoot, yet, but for the meantime I've got these to share:

The Cloisters (University of Glasgow)

Also at the University of Glasgow

The Riverside Museum (a new development for the Glasgow Museum of Transport), at Pointhouse Quay in Glasgow Harbour. View from across the River Clyde in Govan.

To the left of the Museum is another shot of Glasgow Harbour.

This is Lochan Nah Achlaise (Rannoch Moor), taken shortly before my wee adventure.

hi ho, hi ho, its off to an outsourced private company that will 'help me' search for a job, I go

2011-03-02T20:16:00.002Z

I applied for 10 jobs over these past two weeks and have not heard back from any of them. Rude!

Had my regular "sign on" at the job centre on Monday, where I chose which agency I wanted to be placed with. I have my induction meeting there on Thursday, and will then be meeting with them every week for the next three months while continuing to meet at the job centre every two weeks.

In other words, the government is paying a company to help me find a job. They are being paid to make me a CV (already have one), search the job postings (which I do) and make sure I apply (again, I already do), and keep track of where I am applying (yet again, something I already do). I asked if since I am ALREADY doing all of this, can the government just pay me the money they're giving to this company?

No wonder benefits are being cut if they are wasting money like this.

On the other hand, perhaps this is a chance for me to wow the agency and get a job THERE...

Yesterday I had my checkup and cleaning at the dentist, and they decided to charge me £5.50 more than I was quoted. Apparently there are two fee tiers, but the ~~imbecile~~ girl at the front desk could not tell me what each tier service consisted of. I did not understand why, considering this was the shortest cleaning ever (under 10 minutes), I would fall into the higher category. She couldn't provide an answer, nor a price list. In the end I think I was just confusing the fuck out of her and the other girl piped up that she'd take my contact details and have the admin manager answer my questions. I felt a bit of a cad for bitching about the money, considering they had waived my missed appointment fee, but at the end of the day you don't tell someone one price and then force them to pay more without giving at the very least a proper reason. As I lay in bed last night, I was mentally composing a letter to best express my displeasure, without being rude, and just kept getting more and more agitated about the whole thing. I'm not entirely sure WHY I got my panties in a twist over £5.50, but I think it might lead back to the same issues I have about being taken for granted or taken advantage of.

Today I received an email from the admin manager, who was quite apologetic and offered to either refund me now, or apply the amount as credit to my account.

This should make me feel better but instead I now feel conflicted about whether to get the money, and should I even be happy about this wee "victory" when in fact I had just been granted a reprieve of £20 from them the week before? I think ember's right, and sometimes I really do think too much. I think perchance I might be a fucking fruitcake, like my mum.

Since we're (we? I guess it's me) on the topic of money and payments, I went to the Botanic Gardens at 11:30 on Sunday for the model photoshoot. I was there on time, and they weren't. That really annoyed me. I decided to stave off the annoyance by taking pictures of pretty flowers. The lass showed up before the lad, and as we were talking I asked her if he had discussed my fee with her because we had forgotten to do that on the phone.

She then informs me that he'd told her he knew someone who'd do it for free. Uh, no. I told her that I'd normally charge £125 for a 2-hour session, with 10 photos. For her I was only going to charge £50, and give her all of the shots. I asked if she was agreeable to that, and she said yes. He then showed up and we went on our day taking photos. He seemed to be the one leading the shoot, and I felt like I was in the backseat. Had it just been the two of us, I think I would have asserted my opinions on the settings and positions, looks, etc. Instead I deferred to him, thinking he knew what it was they were looking for.

After a couple of hours I went home and spent the next 8 hours going through the shots and selecting out the best. I cropped a few, changed some to black & white, added soft focus to a couple of others etc. In the end I had 106 photos of just her, 20 photos of him, and 10 photos of them together. Plus, I copied the shots of her from the fashion shoot I'd done in November (she was one of the models and hadn't seen any of the shots).

He came by on Monday and we went over the photos, and then came a very uncomfortable discussion about the money. He said she'd told him I was charging £50 and he said that had he'd known that he would have gone with someone professional with more experience with model shoots. I said I could understand that, but I was curious as to who in the hell (with professional experience) would do a 2 hour shoot plus 8 hours editing time and 120+ photos for that price (or less). Did he understand that they were being charged less than minimum wage for this? Also, if she wasn't up for it, why on earth did she agree to this and go ahead with the shoot? He apologized and said it was his fault for not confirming this with me during our first conversation and so he'd be paying my fee. I had a brief moment of self-doubt as to the quality of my work, nearly relenting and not charging them, but then I remembered some of the photos were actually good and so I held firm.

We continued chatting and I explained to him that I had also told her that I was willing to do further shoots with her, for no extra charge, to give both her and myself more experience. He said he thinks I do have an eye and that I could be really good at this, and while he doesn't need any more shots for himself, he likes me and spending time with me and would be happy to do more shoots with me to give me more practice.

So, in the end I gained valuable experience and learned another lesson about setting the prices up front.

Friday I went to my old workmate's party and had an okay time. I think I looked pretty good, but was stuck in the back with some of the ladies so there wasn't much interacting with any blokes. That was okay, though, as I really enjoyed catching up with those I hadn't seen in a really long time. I was home just after midnight, which is still early for me, but had consumed a large number of drinks which aided in my getting a good nights sleep.

I awoke quite groggily Saturday morning to my phone ringing, answering it to hear Petra calling to chat. I'd been having heavy dreams about drinking life-size glass after glass of water, so it was good she dragged my ass out of bed so I could start the rehydration process.

I faffed about the flat on Saturday, working on more photography project stuff, and then had the photoshoot on Sunday. Monday was the job centre stuff, after which I walked the long way home, stopping occasionally to take a photo of something. Too bad it was still February on Monday, as about 10 of my shots are applicable to the March photo-scavenger hunt. Never fear, though, its not like I really need an excuse to get out with the camera.

Tuesday I did... stuff on the computer. Answering emails, checking info, designing project materials for the volunteer centre. This morning I headed in for my usual shift at the volunteer centre, missing the first bus by just 15 seconds (argh). I then waited another 15 minutes for the next one, which upon arriving informed us that he was having mechanical difficulties with the door and would have to be offloading all of the passengers. I wasn't going to stand there and wait another half hour for the next bus, so I set off walking. I was cold to start, but by the time I arrived I was all hot and sweaty and smelling outdoorsy. Ick. Plus, not knowing I'd be walking, I had a large bag of crap with me which was a bit heavy on my back for that distance. Oh well, I've just popped a few cold pills which should also help me sleep so I'm sure my back will be fine in the morning.

Yeah, I got a cold. All I can say about that is it better not get worse because I've got a photoshoot on Saturday in a kick-ass location and I do NOT want to miss this.

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the new job agency (bleh) and then I need to finish the final draft of the annual report and fire that off to the printer. If the proof comes back good on Friday, he'll be able to get us 500 copies that we can take with us to the Women's seminar in Dundee on the 12th. I was informed today that since I am the official photographer for this event (volunteer), I am to take a taxi to the shuttle on the morning of and they will reimburse me. Sweet!

This is Figure I of the "6 Times" series by Antony Gormley, located at the main pedestrian entrance to the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art.

and Figure II, at the basin of the river behind the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art (info and map)

Here are a couple random shots from the model shoot:

For the Asking

2011-02-25T00:37:00.003Z

Man, I am sooooooooooooo FULL. I was using up the last of the potatoes, after I'd de-rooted them of course, and ending up making a huge plate of rosemary potatoes with peppers and topped with eggs. I had forgotten to eat today, so my eyes were much bigger than my actually tummy but still, YUM.

Travelzoo is depressing. They keep sending me these BEST. DEAL. EVER emails and I can't act on any of them. Hardest thing about being unemployed (and not having money) is not being able to travel. Boo hoo. I'm not going to unsubscribe, though, but instead use it as a mental incentive to get my ass into a job ASAP.

Today was another long day at the volunteer centre, and by long I mean 5 hours. Lawd help me when I start to work full time again! Two days of that, plus another 9 hours at home and I finally have the banner and Annual Report well designed. Now all that's left is for them to finish editing. I had to refrain myself from re-writing the content as that's really not a level of involvement I want to go to. The design though, well that I've pushed for. We should know next week if they accept the new logo I designed as well. Golly, I sure do enjoy doing that stuff.

Also today I spoke with the Director and basically declined taking a class at their expense. For one thing, most of the classes would require some sort of additional cost to me and I'm just not in a position to come up with any cash. For another thing, I told her that while I appreciate their desire to show their gratitude for my "hard work", what I do there is my voluntary contribution and the money really should be applied to the charity programs. Just knowing they love me, they really love me (heh) is thanks enough.

I was working on my To-Do list and started to tally up all the money involved items from the past month. By simply pulling my head out and contacting the companies on my list, I've gotten the following results:

Council Tax - not only do I not owe anything for this month, but I get a refund for last month's overpay (£23 x 2).
First Bus has given me the receipt for two bus journeys, so I can be reimbursed (£2.90).
Farm Foods sent me vouchers to reimburse for bad food (£10).
Dentist has waived missed appointment fee (£20)
BT refunded my closed account (£3.83)
O2 deducted money from bill (£16)
poo, there was another one but I can't remember it right now

Unfortunately most of this does not equate to actual cash in my pocket, and I've got more unexpected expenses I had to cover (dentist, train tickets, Edinburgh, ginormous Gas bill) but all of that adds up and I'm pleased with myself for taking action.

I finally picked up a packet of AA batteries, another item a long time needing doing. I've had my large clock sitting in the closet for ages, and then the clock in the bathroom died, and I also needed to replace the battery in my mouse (I keep forgetting to turn it off, but even then the battery lasted a really long time). I usually use rechargeable batteries, but they don't seem to last long with those kinds of things, and regular batteries can be expensive. Thankfully I found a pack on sale so now the mouse is working, the clock is back up in the bathroom, and I hung the large clock up in the living room where it fills the empty wall space perfectly.

Recently I had a woman email me that she'd seen one of my photos at the cafe and was interested in price. I've emailed her back, but haven't received a purchase reply. Come on Elspeth, buy buy buy buy...

In other exciting photography news, I received a phone call today from that pretty boy model who has a friend in need of a starter portfolio. I didn't discuss a price, I'll be happy if I can get £50, but at the same time I'm happy to do this for free because it will give me the experience I need so I can charge proper the next time. If the shoot goes well, this could be a good referral. Also, pretty boy is going to join us and says he's very excited to seeing me and catching up with his "favorite American". I'm not delusional that this is real flirting, but it is oh so FUN and if I am lucky I can take some nice shots of him as well. Oh my I am really looking forward to Sunday now :-D

I'm still processing the photos from last weekend, but here are a few I've uploaded so far:

This is Sir Walter Scott, at the base of the monument off Princes Street. I can't stop looking at this statue, as I can't believe how familiar he looks. I don't know if it's a family resemblance, or just the Scottish features, but it is both cool and spooky.

An unknown artist installed these leaf people near the Dene in Stockbridge. This one was originally upright, but it looks like someone tipped him over and stole his wellies.

This is St Bernard’s Well, at the Water of Leith river.

Here is a long exposure of the weir (waterfall) along the Water of Leith walkway.

This is a really pretty neighborhood in Edinburgh, called Dean Village.

Naked Statues & Jungle Hair

2011-02-22T20:47:00.004Z

I had my follow up appointment with my GP yesterday, who said she cannot prescribe Metformin for me until she gets the letter back from the OBGYN. The same OBGYN who didn't want to prescribe it for me, but said my GP could. The GP also told me that I'm not being denied surgery because I'm fat, or not just because of that, but because there are no funds for cosmetic surgeries such as breast reduction. I now have a clearer understanding of why there are all those "Staff will not tolerate abuse from patients" posters all over their offices. I felt quite like committing some abuse myself, in the form of my fist to her face. Instead I turned the anger on myself (as usual) and ate a fucking candy bar.

I told my doc that I will swear I am trying to conceive if it means getting this medication as at this point I need to try SOMETHING. In addition, I am going to go ahead with the Mirena. If I thought I could get away with it, and had a way to fund it, I'd also like to go on a crack diet. Temporary fantasy aside, though, I'm tired of fucking around. I've reached a do or die plateau and they better help me or else.

I sent a text to the repairman asking for a status update on the oven. He said they can't just repair the door, but have to replace the entire oven and its been a bit manic so he'll try to get back over here this week for measurements. I'm sure this did not go over well with the landlords, who have been bitching about all the repairs they've had to do on this flat (um, because this is a shithole that you never took care of you fuckfaces). I'm trying to keep my head down as I'm certain if I pop up they'll serve me with a notice of rent increase. And yet, I'm still a bit angry that I've already been a week without an oven and am looking forward to another. Wouldn't be too much of a bother but that is my main source of cooking (no microwave) and I'm running out of ways of making my food on the hob. Could be worse, I guess, and I'd have no hob either so I'm trying to count my blessings. They're in here somewhere!

Now, on to the positive stuff.

On Friday I took the train across to Edinburgh and had myself a nice wander around town before catching a bus to Lorna's flat. Somewhere along the journey the bus made an unusual turn and I realized that either a) I was on the wrong bus, or b) the route had changed. I quickly sent her a text to let her know I was on an adventure and half an hour later I was ringing the buzzer to let her know I'd arrived.

We chatted, and I played with her cat CJ, ate some Doritos, chatted some more and before we knew it Sarah had arrived. She then pet the cat, we all chatted, and then a meal plan was quickly formulated and activated. Lorna ordered the pizza and Sarah and I headed downstairs to pickup the other required nibbles and beverages. We ate, and ate, and ate, all the while chatting and sort of watching the movie (I'd brought three).

Too soon it was time for Sarah to go home, Lorna to bed, and me to the sofa with the cat. In the morning, after seeing it was pouring rain out, I met Sarah in town where we set things to right by grabbing a latte which I consumed with leftover pizza - yum; then onto a wander through a museum, a quick stop at Lush, continuing on around town so I could photograph something anything , until we finally stopped for lunch.

After lunch, since it had stopped raining, we wandered down to Stockbridge to see Figure III (info and map) and then continued on the Water of Leith Walkway until we reached Figure II where the river passes the Gallery of Modern Art. Up to the Gallery for a quick loo stop and then we tucked ourselves into a booth to enjoy a steaming hot cup of cocoa and some delicious dessert (brownie for me, chocolate caramel shortbread for her). Time just kept flying by, and before we knew it the guard was standing in front of us saying the museum was closing.

We headed out the door to the main entrance, where I was able to photograph Figure I, then crossed the street for a couple shots around the exterior of the Dean Gallery. It was starting to get dark by now, so we headed up the hill towards the bus stop for Sarah and the Haymarket train station for me. After walking in the fresh air for hours, it was only inevitable that I'd sleep the whole journey home :-D

Monday was the aforementioned doctors appointment, as well as the delivery of my super router (compliments of the broadband company from when I filleted them over the new contract fuckups), plus delivery of two copies of the recently published book that used one of my photos for the cover. I looked inside the title page to confirm and yup, that there is my name in the credits! I didn't get paid for this photo, but now I have something concrete to put on the "credits" page on my website. As soon as I make one, that is.

I spent a few hours editing my photos from the weekend, emailing the camera repair shop to ask WTF is up with me now getting an "Error 99" message (I'm to bring the camera in for them to have a looksee), emailing First Bus to request a receipt again (same shit, different trip), and basically ticking more things off my To-Do list, which seems to be GROWING by the minute instead of diminishing.

[aside: I went to google to confirm the proper spelling of phrase as harry caray, harry carry, Hari-kari. Please, learn from me, and don't ever type in the search term "hairy scary". You have been warned.]

I also finished reading two more books from my A-Z Title Challenge, which leaves just 'K'. I could have sworn I'd already read one, but 'tis nowhere on any list so I can't prove it, which simply means I must get another book. Oh, the horror! I'll have a quick browse in the charity shop this week and if I can't find anything then I'll pop over to the library. Once that list is done, I still have 7 unread books stacked on my headboard. That right there is near bliss.

I have volunteer work at the centre tomorrow and Thursday, and then I have an actual grown-up party to attend on Friday. I should probably see if that blouse still fits, otherwise I'll need to improvise my attire. My hair, though, should look mahvahlusss as I'll be using my new Lush samples. I'd already been using the seanik shampoo bar, but Sarah gave me half of her Jungle solid conditioner which I tried tonight and I've got to tell you I absolutely LOVE these products. My hair feels great, looks great, and smells gorgeous. I cannot recommend these enough. They last a really long time (longer than my bottles of shampoo & conditioner), and will travel in carry-on baggage as they are not liquid. If you get a chance, you should definitely try them.

This is Figure III, at Stockbridge, part of the "6 Times" cast-iron & life-sized sculpture work by Antony Gormley (2010) along the Water of Leith.

Some recycling/rubbish bins spotted on-route to the hospital last week:

One of the begging dogs on Princes Street (Edinburgh). The other one, not there when I had my camera, sits there holding a baseball cap by the bill in his teeth. I'm willing to give a quid the next time I see that so I can get a shot. The dogs look healthy, so I don't feel bad.

And this is "Foolish Virgins", part of the Bronze Relief sculpture by Gerald Laing at the Standard Life Investments Building on George Street (Edinburgh).

Can I get a kiss with that?

2011-02-16T17:19:00.000Z

today was a day for mind-fucking Gertie, with nary a hint of foreplay.

To start with, I did not get the job I interviewed for yesterday. I'm really freaking out now, running out of time with my credit cards and other bills and more stuff coming due all the time. Also, since I've been unemployed for 18 months, the job centre is now outsourcing me to an agency to get me a job, any job which could very well see me "employed" but earning such a low wage that I could end up losing my home.

This afternoon I had my appointment with the OBGYN and to say they were less than helpful is a gross understatement. To begin with, she opens my file and says "your GP says you are experiencing depression". I said that I am not in treatment and have as such never, ever used the word 'depression' with my doc, so if it is in my file then it is a supposition on behalf of my GP and should not be part of my record.

She then tells me that they won't consider a hysterectomy unless I swear I don't want children, I've exhausted all other possibilities, and (the biggie) I lose a substantial amount of weight. She recognizes that I have PCOS and that weight loss is a struggle, but believes that despite my "claims" of current exercise and low GI diet I am not truly adhering to a proper diet and exercise regime and if I "just did that" I "wouldn't have a problem" getting the weight down.

Following that, she informs me that just because I'm 41 (nearly 42) does NOT mean that my fertility options are closed to me and that I still have a few years left to try. Reading over my records she thinks it would be entirely probable, should I select treatment options, that I could conceive. What the fuck? I can't even begin to get my head around this. I've been living with that door closed to me for a very long time and I think it was unbearably cruel of her to so casually swing it open again.

On the other hand, since I'm not currently in a relationship and actively trying to conceive, she is opposed to prescribing me Metformin. She IS on the other hand, recommending I get the Mirena to help with my horrendous periods. Apparently this is a contraceptive device inserted into the womb that releases a hormone which prevents the release of eggs and controls the thickness of the uterus lining which results in lesser periods. Possible side effects, however, include an INCREASE in acne and ovarian cysts.

She said that if I lost the required weight, "we" could revisit the idea of a hysterectomy in 5 years time.

I cried for the entire 2 mile walk home and now I'm just feeling so very exhausted of the whole thing. I'm trying to list all the positives in my life in order to counter-balance all the negative, but right now, at this very moment, I'm drowning.

Tick, Ticking Away

2011-02-15T15:06:00.004Z

I have made serious PROGRESS on my To-Do List! I sent a letter to the cafe guy to let him know I'm ready for my money. I sent off a letter to the dentist, on my list since JULY, to request a waiver of the missed appointment fee and they phoned this afternoon to tell me they will waive it and booked me a checkup & cleaning appointment for March 1st. I contacted the publisher who used a a photo of mine as a cover of a book he's printing, and he confirmed that the book is now out and he's sending me two copies. I sent an email to First Bus, requesting a receipt for the bus journey where the ticket machine was busted, and they posted out a letter of confirmation so I was able to claim the travel back on my expenses at the volunteer centre. Also, I emailed Farm Foods about the rancid meat purchased at one of their stores and they sent me vouchers to reimburse me.

Last week while I was putting the flat back in order and cleaning out the lounge closet I came to the gut sinking conclusion that I had lost my usb memory stick. The very stick I was apparently too casual with, which stupidly stupidly STUPIDLY contained an unprotected file with all my account and password information. I spent the next 6 hours online accessing all my accounts and changing the email addresses and passwords.

As well, I revised my CV and updated my job hunting websites, applied for a Boots Advantage Card, closed a bunch of redundant accounts, and unsubscribed from a lot of junk mail. I then created a new file with accounts and passwords, but did this one in Excel so I could password-protect the damn thing, and then uploaded it to my skydrive for safekeeping. As to be expected, after doing all of that, I found the damn memory stick. I could have done without the mini-panic surge, but I'm glad I made all those changes so in a way it was worth it.

But wait, there's more!

I took another large sack of stuff to the charity shop yesterday, and have a bag o' books I'm taking across to Edinburgh on Friday that's to be divided up between Sarah and Lorna. I cleaned out the front closet and finally tossed the old bathroom door and miscellaneous crap that's been sitting in there doing nothing except taking up space and collecting dust. I also hoovered up the dust. I broke down all the boxes that were ruined by the ceiling/flooding and put those in one box outside my door for the big collection, but this morning when I went to put it curbside I discovered that one of my neighbors had already taken it out for me. Awww, so sweet!

I hung up a couple of miscellaneous frames I found in the closet (the rest I put in the charity bag), figured out a way to repurpose the old kettle that wouldn't boil water but still looked brand new (it is now the watering can for my plants), swapped around some of the jars for my bathroom and created a nice new display in there with pretty glass to catch the light. I washed the rugs, so they're ready to go down as soon as I finish mopping. And I've got the agent coming by on Friday to take measurements for a new oven door.

Phew!

This morning I had a job interview with a local charity and of all the jobs I've applied for this is one I'd not mind having. I really liked the woman who would be my boss, and though it is work I'm not overly excited about doing and the pay isn't all that great, it has a decent benefits package and best yet it would be doing a job with some meaning to it. They said I should know within the week. Fingers crossed.

For my creative side, I've got two photoshoots planned - one on Saturday and one on March 5th. If all goes well, I'll be attending another one at the end of March too. For the Volunteer Centre I've been tasked with designing the annual report and while the first draft was just a modification of one of the poster designs we did, the Board didn't think it was "professional" enough. I fired off a revision but was told it was "too shiny". Huh? Guess they didn't like the gold. So last night I sat down and came up with 8 new designs and sent those off to be reviewed. I told them they could pick and choose from any of the designs - colour from one, layout from another, fonts, etc. I'll be in their office on Thursday, so hopefully they'll have some feedback by then.

Friday I'm off to Edinburgh, with a few hours on my own in the morning until Lorna gets home from her workshop. We'll hang out until Sarah is off work and then it's pizza and movie night. I'm taking a couple dvds with me, but I have a feeling we'll be chatting too much to watch much of anything. That's what happens when you don't see each other often, there's a lot of catching up to do.

No new photos, but here are a couple from the recent archives:

I shoot this one A LOT. It's the old R. W. Forsyth’s department store, and the first thing you see when you exit the subway at St Enoch on the corner of Buchanan Street and Argyle Street. This was taken on my way to the train station, where I was heading out to Edinburgh where it was not sunny but instead a day of heavy mist.

This is Ibroxholm Oval in Glasgow, and as you can see we'd had a bit of fog ourselves. Those tower blocks are scheduled to come down, but as they are so close to other housing they will most likely be torn down instead of imploded like some of the others. Bummer, I'd like to ~~see~~ photograph a good explosion!

This was taken on a train, yet another journey across to Edinburgh. Good thing I book cheap tickets.

It Comes and It Goes

2011-02-12T19:45:00.007Z

On Thursday the repairman finished up, and I then spent the next two days cleaning up after him. Bless him, he tries his best, but he just doesn't see the mess he leaves behind. And I'm not being Monica Geller picky either. If I was being super picky, I'd bitch about all the bubbles in the wallpaper and the edges of paper that are not properly glued down.

Examples of the general mess are: all the grit and mud on the baseboards - which he neglected to remove before papering and painting so some of that is now permanently there; the piles of dirt left all over the place. (he'd hoovered, but it still took an additional half hour for me to get the rest of the dirt up from just one room); and although he'd replaced the ceiling, papered and painted in the closet, the shelves were still covered with dirt so I had to hoover and then scrub them clean. They are dry now and I've been able to move all the stuff back in there, minus the heavy-duty boxes that were destroyed by the water leak; those are now in the recycle pile.

On the third wall he'd had to do a patch repair, and when he painted the new paper it didn't seem to bother him that I now had a large stripe of colour that didn't match the rest of the wall. At least he left me the bucket of paint so I was able to paint the rest of the wall.

The blankets and sheets have all been washed, just waiting on those to dry and then the room is sorted. Yay.

I had 1 of 2 interviews on Friday, and did exactly as I said I'd do. I was therefore rather relaxed and actually enjoyed myself. Unfortunately this did not result in a job, but I do believe I'll do exactly the same thing on Tuesday.

The feedback I received was that although they liked my extensive credentials, they were going with the guy that had the qualification. Don't know if that is true or not, as while waiting for my interview I was reading over the job description and discovered a "must have" of audio typing. Also, the salary was significantly lower than my previous position so I can't imagine anyone with a qualification wanting to work for so little. Then again, maybe they figured I wouldn't want to, either.

Onwards!

I'm in the midst of cleaning up the rest of the flat (lots of mud and dust tracked in from the repairman), and have decided to take a break. I've been feeling a bit off today anyway, probably a result of sleeping 14 hours last night, but it is also partly from a "2 steps forward 3 steps back" angst.

Basically I had finished putting the guest room back in order, and I'd then started on the kitchen but needed to make something to eat first. I'd popped some bread in the oven and when I went to take it out the handle of the oven door broke off. I dug out the screwdriver and attempted to screw it back it, but it wasn't latching onto anything. I managed to free the bread and once the oven cooled I went in to see if I could take apart the panel and maybe attach a bolt onto the other side of the screw.

[digression:
I really did not want to call the landlord again as they are bitching about how much money they've spent on this place, as if it was my fault! I had told the repairman about the fridge light (it won't turn off when the door closed) and he said "oh, we'll just get you a new one" and I said it was fine just needed that one bit sorted. The landlord then bitches and says the above, and that they don't want to just replace the fridge. I get it, why spend £120 for a new fridge when you can spend £50 to get someone to look at it. But anyhoo, I worry they think I was asking for another new fridge. Again, not my fault, but the guilt & worry is the way I roll.]

So back to the oven. It has cooled, I go in to open the door and the entire things shatters. I don't mean cracks, I mean it fucking EXPLODED all over the goddamn kitchen and me but thankfully nothing in my eyeballs or on my face. I stood there in disbelief for a second, then turned around to grab the camera. Once I took a couple of photos I commenced to cleaning up the mess.

Now I have to tell the guy not only did the handle break, but the damn oven door is gone as well. I'm not looking forward to this.

In good news, when the repairman first arrived on Monday he saw me working at the dining table and said "oh, did you get a new computer?" I said, no, just a monitor attached to my netbook. He asked if I needed a tower and I said sure, so he brought one in from his truck and GAVE it to me. It needs the power supply (which I don't have and he kept forgetting to bring me) but even so, how very cool. I have now been given a tower, monitor, and keyboard. I find it absolutely fabulous to get these gifts, but even better that I've allowed myself to accept them. I must be growing.

The volunteer centre they said that since they cannot pay me directly, they wanted to show their appreciation for all the work I've done for them so if I was interested in taking a course they could pay the tuition for that. It doesn't have to be anything related to the work for them, so I have a chance to take a fun course at the metropolitan college. I need to let them know next week so now I just need to narrow down my options. Corset Making? Jewellery Making? Cabinetmaking? Pottery? Cookery? Animal Behaviour? A lot depends on course availability I suppose.

I've been making a lot of progress in other areas, ticking things off my To-Do list on a daily basis now. It feels good, gives me a real sense of accomplishment, and makes me feel like any day now I'll be able to start tackling some of the really difficult tasks - ones I've been avoiding for ~~days, months~~ years now. My biggest task, of course, is to find employment but for that I'm feeling incredibly fearful. I've reached the end point, after 18 months on the dole, and am totally scared how things are going to play out now. I'm super frustrated and completely unsure what steps to take next. The logical step would be to start my own business, and yet I don't currently have either the motivation or discipline to carry forward with that. I need a fairy godmomma!

Also, I need a photoshoot stat. I'm reduced to shooting items around home. I present the latest flash of brilliance - a macro shot of the new wallpaper.

Blue Jar & Vengeful Cock

2011-02-11T20:28:00.001Z

I spotted this jar while window shopping on ebay. A while back I picked up the same damn jar (except mine is green) for only £1.90 at a charity shop. This blue one is selling for £9.99, plus p&h.

Part of me is feeling quite smug about getting a bargain, yet part of me also wonders if I should sell mine now for a profit. But then there's the other part that really wants the blue one too. Alas, I think I'll just stick with my pretty green one (sigh).

I saw this article in The Metro [Wed, 09-Feb-11] and had myself a really good laugh. Winner of the Darwin Award!

In other news

2011-02-08T17:39:00.006Z

A couple of weeks ago I scanned this article from The Metro about a British Photographer who makes money taking photos of dogs. If I could pick a dream job, this would probably be right at the top of the list.

Today the BBC had an article about a mum who'd been cautioned by police for leaving her 14 year old in charge of his 3-year old brother - for 30 minutes. Now, I'd have to agree that there are some 14 year olds you would never want to leave alone in the house never mind being in charge of another being, but as someone who was sometimes responsible for the care of my younger sibling when just half that age I find it shocking that a mother would be cautioned for that. There's got to be more to this story than's been told.

I haven't had a chance to take the newly repaired "Black Betty" out yet. Crap weather all weekend, and the past two days as well. I'm a bit nervous, almost like having a new car, but aside from making a new padded camera bag and keeping her out of water (duh) there really isn't anything I should be doing differently. Nothing I did caused the circuit board to fail, so I just need to get on with it. I've emailed a friend to see if she'd like to do the 6 Times walk on Saturday (19th) to see/photograph all six of the Antony Gormley statues situated along the Water of Leith (Edinburgh). From my (& Googles) calculations, this is only 5 miles (approximate) and would only take a half day. We could start off by taking the bus to #6 on the docks, and work our way towards Belford Road and have a cup of cocoa at the Gallery of Modern Art. Fingers crossed she's up for it and the weather is good!

I have my first job interview this Friday, and have decided to go in a completely different direction. I'm not going to "prepare", other than to read up on the company, I'm not going to take in a list of questions, and I'm not going to pepper the talk with corporate-speak. I am going for the all-natural, organic, REAL me and see what that gets me. The other shit has not worked so far, so all I stand to lose is this job, except as I don't actually have the job, I guess there really is nothing to lose. If that tactic appears to have failed parlously, I can always revert to old-school for the interview on Tuesday.

On the 16th of Feb I have a gyno appointment to see if I can talk the doc into giving me a hysterectomy. Since I cannot have kids, my periods are awful, and my PCOS is driving me near mad, I think it makes perfect sense to put me into menopause to stop the periods and the PCOS. Then again, as they've gone to actual medical school and not just Google U, they might have more insights into my problem and possible solutions. As long as they don't tell me I have to just wait for natural menopause, I'm open to just about anything.

No real way to segue from gyno to mouse, so I'll just jump right in with a shout out to this lovely electronic gadget that has been immensely helpful. For a few years I'd been using a regular wireless mouse, and aside from the occasional annoyance at the large usb stick getting in the way I was quite happy with it. Until a few months ago when it kept, I don't know, freezing I guess you could say. Fresh batteries wouldn't solve the problem and eventually I gave in and purchased a new mouse. This one is a Microsoft D5D-00034 Wireless Mobile 4000 Mouse (lime green!), and it uses BlueTrack Technology. Immediately I liked how I could use it on any part of the table (no need for a mouse pad), the Nano Transceiver was so tiny it stays in the usb port without getting in the way, and it also has an off switch so I can save the batteries. And then last week when I was too cold to sit at the table any longer, I grabbed the netbook and the mouse and crawled into bed where I discovered it STILL WORKED even on the blanket. That is such a BRILLIANT development that I had to share it with the world (or at least the three of you who read this journal). Two giant thumbs up for this mouse!

Upon the return of my camera I was finally able to upload the few shots taken (before it pooped) as we walked up Forty Hill to the Forty Hall Country Park in the Borough of Enfield (London).

List Everything

2011-02-06T15:21:00.003Z

My knees hurt. Or to be more specific, the sartorius muscle on my left leg is sore and I'm not sure of the cause. Last week it was the plantaris muscle on the right leg. Painful to the touch, I can't even massage it. Can't think of what I've been doing to cause this, maybe I've just been sitting funny or too long at the dining table while working on the computer. Perhaps I should make good use of being online and g00gle the problem. Duh.

This past week I put in a couple days at the volunteer centre, enjoying as always the help I'm able to give. Hard to believe I have been there nearly a YEAR already. I remember when I first started I was concerned about being able to keep to my commitment of three months. Shocking.

I've had a really good time, learned a lot, made a lot of contacts, and had a chance to utilize my creativity which had been stagnating for at least a decade. Plus, I got to help others. What more could I ask for? (well, I could ask for a paying job, but you know what I mean)

I was chatting with a friend on Thursday, and she was complaining about the management and telling me how she'd like to just quit. Then she got a horrified look on her face and started to apologize to me, saying how awful it was to be saying all this to me when I've been unable to even find a job. Nonsense! What kind of selfish asshole would I be if I couldn't be happy for someone else, just because they had something I desperately wanted? Am I to expect everyone else to wallow in my misery because I don't have employment, and then also expect them all to be happy once I get a job? Everything is not all about me. I can be glad and sad in the same pants, as my Grandma would say.

Good news (sort of) on The Mom's health: no infection or TB as originally diagnosed. New doctors have confirmed that what she actually has is degenerative arthritis. She still needs both hips replaced, so for now they are working on a course of pain management. Unfortunately she has the same resistance to pain meds that I do, so the woman is basically living with chronic pain. I've been trying to help her come to terms with this, and the resulting depression, as this is something I've been living with myself since my car accident in 2001. Some days are better than others, and some days you are so very tired of it all, but for the most part it is manageable.

I got my camera back (yay) and last night I finally popped in a battery so I could pull the few photos I'd taken in London. Was momentarily concerned when none of the batteries would work, but realized I needed to charge them. One battery is bad, but I think I'd been nearing that conclusion for awhile. I put a "X" on it and set it aside for the battery recycling pile.

The weather here has been quite stormy, and by stormy I mean rain and high winds not 2 feet of snow like y'all in the US. Granted, the winds were REALLY high and the rain was a lot, but nothing a hot shower and dry clothes can't remedy. Just means I've not been able to take the camera out yet. Soon, though, soon.

The repairmen are scheduled to be here at half 8 Monday morning to fix the collapsed ceiling and three walls in the guest room. I've pulled out everything from that room except for the bed and it looks like I'm moving - which has sparked a few nightmares of sorting and selecting and packing. I can't tell if it is because I want to move, or if I'm absolutely terrified of having to uproot myself again. I'm leaning towards the latter.

The repairs are expected to take at least a week, so today I'd like to get everything together in preparation for my job interviews on the 11th & 15th. If my stuff is readily available then I won't be doing the chicken no-head run around on the day and can keep my stress level to a minimum.

When Lesley was here last month, she brought me a bag o' books and I'm on the second one so far, The To-Do List by Mike Gayle. "Appalled by this lack of maturity, Mike draws up a To-Do list containing every single item he’s been meaning to do but just keeps putting off." Next thing he knows, he has a list of 1,277 items with a completion deadline of his next birthday! Fun read so far, and inspiring to boot. I make lists all the time, and of course I have 43Things for my bigger goals, but this has got me thinking...

I've begun copying my online journal to a paper/book format. At the rate I'm going, it will be June before I'm finished but that would mark the 7 year anniversary which I think be a fitting spot to end journalling. I'm trying to decide what I want to keep doing and what I want to let go. The thing is, though, at moments when I think I haven't achieved a fucking thing in my life I'm finding that having this record shows me in black and white what I've done. If only I could attain a sense of achievement to go with it.

I think that's been my biggest problem for these past few ~~months~~ years is that I'm disconnected emotionally. What started out as a preservation method has done damage to my psyche that, while significant, I hope is not irreversible. I'm beginning to think it is time I take my own damn advice and get some professional help. I've been using one excuse after another to avoid seeing a therapist but I'm running out of time.

*TO-DO List*
1) have a cookie
2) call a shrink

From my last photoshoot in Edinburgh:

Foggy view from Calton Hill, overlooking Holyrood Park to the Salisbury Crags and Arthur's Seat

The old Governor's House at Old Calton Burial Ground

part of the Scottish – American Soldiers Monument at Old Calton Burial Ground

A reflection of the Palace of Holyroodhouse in the "wading pools" at the Scottish Parliament Building

Shooting the shooter

I really do.

Welcome Home

2011-02-02T17:52:00.002Z

Black Betty is back in my possession! I was afraid to take the plastic wrapping off, but knew if I didn't do it now she'd just sit there enshrined forever.

They gave me a bag of the defective bits, so now you can see what your £290 paid for:

Off to plan a photoshoot...

A Quote for a Thinker

2011-02-01T16:59:00.000Z

from today's post on Crunchy Betty

"You are the rider of your brain and you can take it anywhere. You can do anything from stopping it to letting it run uncontrolled. As the owners of our thoughts, we alone can choose to accept or reject them. It’s the same for any thoughts, not just fearful ones. Will a brain full of negative, trashy, or petty thoughts allow you have the life you really want?

The human brain creates thousands of thoughts every day but very few of them result in making a better life for the thinker. People readily accept thoughts into their brains and never ask the question, “Are these thoughts beneficial for my life? Are they allowing me to live a happier, richer, more beautiful life or are they just sinking me into a hole of doubts and fears?”

Bullseye

2011-02-01T01:33:00.005Z

Thanks to a recent donation by an incredible friend, I have now reached my target and will be able to get Black Betty out of the shop [as soon they email me to let me know the repairs are done].

I'm feeling a bit verklempt by the love & support I've received with this. I know it's not famine, or illness, or any of the gazillion other things that are more important than my camera but this is something so very important to me and I cannot find the words to express how grateful I am to everyone.

I'm thankful, and blessed to know you all.

Seasons of Mist

2011-01-31T02:10:00.002Z

I had to throw food out today, and that really bothers me. Such a damn waste, and totally something I almost never do. I think I've gotten used to my fridge keeping everything so cold, but obviously I misjudged my menus. Sigh. In these days of pinching pennies until they scream, this is NOT something I can afford to let happen. I really must pay better attention.

On Thursday I spent most of the day ... doing something, probably playing online but nothing significant springs to mind. On Friday I spent the afternoon at the volunteer centre and then came home to watch a couple of dvds and prep my bag for the photoshoot. That really didn't take any time as I only took my pocket camera, my wallet, my 'ears', and a bottle of water. Something to be said for packing light!

On Saturday I got up, got dressed, went into town, boarded the train, and set the alarm on my mobile to go off 50 minutes later. I was using a bargain ticket, which meant this train only stopped in Edinburgh (instead of terminating there) so if I wasn't careful I'd awake to find myself in fucking Penzance.

I arrived earlier than the rest of the group, so headed over to the grocery store to get a cold latte - still by Starbucks, but half the cost of a hot one. With my cherished caffeinated beverage in hand, I wandered over to Princes Street Gardens to sit on a bench and watch the morning sky come alive, until the boys phoned to let me know they'd arrived.

The only girl, I delved right into the stereotype mother-hen role and for the rest of the day kept a running head count to make sure no one was lost or forgotten. We walked from the station down Princes Street, up the stairs at the Mound and over to Ramsay Gardens, continuing on until we reached the Edinburgh Castle.

Good golly there were a lot of friggin' tourists.

Leaving the castle grounds, we made our way down the Royal Mile stopping here and there to shoot anything that caught our eye. We then detoured a bit to the National Museum of Scotland, where we gave ourselves half an hour to play. Unfortunately the terrace view was closed, but I still managed to entertain myself. I'm not usually one for modern architecture, but there were some really cool lines and details in this place.

We all met up again outside and continued our trek down the Royal Mile until we reached Holyrood and the Parliament building. A quick check of the time indicated it was time for lunch, so we walked back UP the Royal Mile until we reached the local's local. As I had already eaten that morning, my lunch consisted of a Morgan's & Coke. A couple of the lads expressed mock shock and astonishment to be drinking so early in the day, but I noticed that every single one of them then felt okay about ordering a drink as well. My name is Gertie, and I lead by example.

After lunch, the gang and I walked back to Princes Street and over to Waterloo Place to the Old Calton Cemetery. There was another flickr group meeting there so I started playing "how many photographers can you find in this shot". Surprisingly not as many as you'd think, even though there were about 40 of us in a very small area.

As I gave everyone a history on the Abe Lincoln memorial, they gathered around for the group photo, and I got to stand next to some cute boy I then chatted with for another 20 minutes. For crying out loud, you'd think with the way I was acting lately it was Spring already!

Next I led my fellow togs over and up to Calton Hill, pointing out the attractions (the ones visible, anyway) while loudly quoting Keats: "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!"

Mist was definitely the word of the day. By the time we wandered around the hill and past the Monuments, both National and Nelson's, the view was almost entirely obscured. As I approached the Dugald Stewart Monument there was nothing but white, but once I got closer I could just see a fuzzy outline of the city centre.

Now wet and weary, I called for an end to the shoot and walked the boys back to the train station. I quickly sent a text to Sarah, and then scurried off to the corner Starbucks where we met for a coffee. Always nice to visit with her! We chatted for over an hour until she suggested a stretch of the legs, which somehow brought us to the doorstep of her House of Worship. So well does she promote the kindness and warmth and all-round goodness of this cult, I'm beginning to think she gets a kickback for every new member she recruits (heh). I've never used any of the products before, but tonight I tried my sample of "Big" shampoo and loved it so much I fear I've been called to the dark side.

Also, she pointed out a new bakery, the "home of beautiful hand-made cakes".

Evil. Evil I tell ya!

Our final stop of the evening was a bookshop on Princes Street, where I found blank greeting cards with envelopes at a scream of a deal. I bought two packs of 50 for just £8, and once I get a glue stick I'll be able to attach photos and package up some gift-card sets to sell. I'd looked into printing the cards, but the cost would have meant selling them for £10 set 5 with almost zero profit. Now I can sell them for half that and actually make money off them. Provided I find buyers, of course.

Too soon it was time for me to catch my train, and I napped the whole way home. I then faffed about for a few hours before climbing into bed for a nice, long, sleep.

Here is a view from Calton Hill. The Edinburgh Castle is on the left, the clock tower of the Balmoral Hotel in the middle-ish, with the Sir Walter Scott Monument on the far right.

whaddya know, I AM a perv

2011-01-29T04:49:00.002Z

stumbled across this damn video - and now I can't wait to fall asleep.

**edited to add-
checking email before laying down for that nap, I just found my horoscope which says: "it's okay that you have a lot going on within the realms of your imagination now. Your dreams are motivational, as long as you continue to clearly distinguish between reality and fantasy."

HAhahahahaha

damn.

In Her Shoes

2011-01-26T17:35:00.001Z

Yesterday I went to city centre and met with ember for a coffee catch-up chat (before she went to work), went to the camera shop to talk about the repairs (1 more week to wait!), and then popped into the library to pick up some audiobooks. It took me all night to rip the cds to my system, but now I'm set for a month of walking around entertainment. Sweet.

Without meaning to, I ended up staying awake until sometime after 3 this morning so found it _really hard_ to get my ass up when the alarm went off. The centre where I volunteer was sending me and some employees to a seminar on the new equalities policies and I had to be showered and out the door by half 9. Blech.

I came close to bowing out, but in the end made myself get up and I'm glad I went. It was an informative seminar and was good to interact with people. Interesting dialogue(s) ensued with regards to prejudices and discrimination and I found myself jumping in without reserve to express opinions. As someone who is white and an atheist, I'm often subjected to a form of reverse-discrimination and it felt good getting the other participants in the group to see things from a different perspective. Sort of a mini-version of the "walk a mile in his moccasins" thing.

In addition to the good talks, the folks at the seminar provided coffee/tea and donuts for breakfast and a lovely spread for lunch. Mmmmm, donuts. What more could a girl ask for?

Reflections

2011-01-25T16:55:00.003Z

Sally got more details from the Mom: she's still waiting on more lab results as at this time the infection is more alarming than her need for surgery. So it's a waiting game until she gets those results.

It did occur to me, however, that as we were both exposed at the same time it might be a good idea to take her test results with me to my doc and find out if they think I should have some tests run on myself. It could explain a lot of what's been going on with me physically over the past couple of years...
___________________________________________________________

I went to the repair shop today to have a direct conversation with the tech. It was too hard doing this over email.

1) The reason the price is so much higher than the estimate is that the original quote was to replace one of the circuit boards [I think he said there are 5!]

2) Only after they opened it up and started replacing parts did they discover that is was the MAIN circuit board that was defective [although they will all get replaced]

3) The camera has had a thorough checkup, and the only defective part on it is the main circuit board

4) As a courtesy & preventative measure, they will also replace the motors and the shutters for free - so add that to the circuit board replacements and in effect I am getting a new camera.

5) The tech said that while they can't say with absolute certainty that nothing else will ever go wrong with the camera, he felt strongly that I should not be needing any additional repairs. The items they replace are at least covered with a 6-month guarantee from date of invoice.

I'm still going to send a letter to Canon, so if I don't get any immediate restitution at least I'll be on file for later on down the road if a recall/refund gets mandated.

I authorized them to proceed with the repairs, figuring I'll keep at the fundraising and also list a few more things on ebay. They said I should have back in about a week. Sadly this means I'll be attending the Edinburgh photoshoot with my pocket camera, but it will still be good to get out of the house and enjoy a day of conversation and exercise. (The silver lining here is that my back won't be wrecked from carrying a heavy bag all day. Heh.) Besides, I've been getting some pretty good shots with that wee thing lately!

These are from my outing in Leith (Edinburgh) last Saturday:

My Glasgow

2011-01-23T19:06:00.003Z

I had two good days at the volunteer centre last week, my first since mid-December. Weird how exhausted I was after just 5 hours (each day). Must get back into the swing of doing stuff now that I'm no longer sick.

On Friday I went to the Mosque to help out with the community blood drive. I got to play with kids, eat some pizza, and catch up with some acquaintances I hadn't seen in a while. Also, my friend paid me the money she owed me. Yay.

I had a nice walk home in the crisp, fresh air, and was feeling pretty good - until I entered my flat and discovered that the damage from the collapsed ceiling has spread to two walls in the guest room. The agent came and pulled down the wallpaper, etc. to expose the damage, so it's looking quite haggard in there. The heat has been on in there for a couple days now, so hopefully everything will be dry by Wednesday and they can begin repairs. This means I'll be able to retrieve the boxes the have been holding up part of the ceiling, inside which is the documentation I need to send my Netbook to Toshiba for repair.

I then went online and opened the first email, from O2, telling me that I'd already used 15GB of my 20GB usage for the month. I immediately called O2 and was told that although I'd been misinformed about the service I was switching too, I was not allowed to switch back to my old plan. I was about to go fucking mental, but kept my cool and explained to the little fella that what they had done was FRAUD and he needed to put a manager on the phone. Thankfully the situation was resolved, in my favor, and I moved on to the next email which was from the camera shop telling me that the repairs to my camera are actually going to cost £290, which is £110 more than the original estimate.

The next email was from my 63 year old mom, informing us that she has been diagnosed with lumbar spine spondiolysis and multiple disc prolapses, Avascular necrosis, and Pyogenic/T.B arthritis. The doctors believe that this was brought about via her exposure to Tuberculosis. In 2004, when my Grandmother came down with TB, both my mother and I tested positive (we were the ones interacting the most with my Grandmother) and had to undergo a 9-month treatment program. For some reason this didn't work for her, and apparently she's been quite sick (but didn't say anything to us before). She's still in Uganda, where she's undergoing a series of IV treatments, and has been told she needs to go back to the US to have both hips replaced. Have I mentioned my mother's "job" doesn't actually pay a salary, and that she does not have any medical insurance?

I felt a bit overloaded, so chose to turn of the computer and go to bed, where I lay until early Saturday morning when I had to get up to catch the train to Edinburgh. I met gypsiewriter and her man at the local starbucks for a coffee, and then we had a pleasant wander down to the Leith area for some lunch. The weather turned quite nice by the time we reached the water, and I got a few good shots using the Elph.

This shot was taken on our walk, outside Henderson's bistro. It came out a little blurry, so I applied the "dry brush" filter in photoshop and am pleased with the result.

I'm going to have to contact my sisters to find out what they have to say about Mom's care, and then I'll need to send the Mom an email as well. I really just want to tuck myself back under the covers, but I can't afford to waste a lot time with avoidance.

Today, though, I lost myself for awhile in a good book, taking a break to wash the dishes and start a load of laundry. If they are going to be making repairs next week I won't have access to laundry facilities and need to make sure I'll have enough clean clothes to last the length of the repairs. Next on my "to-do" list is to finish applying for the 5 jobs adverts I have, and if I feel especially motivated I might even hoover the flat.

If you want to see something cool, watch the new Taggart intro [*edited to add: the better version was removed from YT, so here's a temp replacment]. Its funny how excited I get seeing photos or video of Glasgow, considering I LIVE HERE, but that's just how much I love this place. Have a look at my Glasgow:

A Friendly Weekend

2011-01-19T23:10:00.005Z

This past week has flown by, but this time its because I've been busy and having fun and not because I was in some sort of fever induced fog. Yay.

On Friday my friend Lesley came over and we went into city centre to watch a dance performance at the St Enoch mall. It was nice to see live entertainment, although I would have preferred getting to sit for it. I blatantly ignored the 'no photography' rule and attempted a few snaps with the Elph but alas this was really a job for Black Betty.

Leaving the mall we wandered over to the GoMA (Gallery of Modern Art) and nearly sweat to death while looking at some really weird crap in there. Yeah, yeah, eye beholder beauty blah blah - when you don't "get it" then it's crap. Upstairs though were some great photographs, plus we took a few photos ourselves of the building interior, which totally made up for the immense heat in there. This place was built in 1778 as the townhouse of William Cunninghame of Lainshaw. I bet it absolutely rocked to live here, although I would lay serious odds that overheating was never an issue back then. Heh.

You've seen this shot before, but I wanted to remind you what it looks like:

This is the railing around the, um, floor to ceiling hole that looks up to the tower thingy.

And this is what you see when you look UP:

From the gallery we strolled over to Café Rouge for a lovely dinner. I myself had chicken poulet with a garlic butter sauce, followed by a cup of coffee so strong that 5 days later I'm still awake.

Après dîner we wandered up and down Buchanan Street, letting the food settle whilst playing with the settings on our pocket cameras until we were able to get these:

On Saturday I went to town for a coffee chat/catchup with my old office mate, and I've now been invited to a party for next month. Crikey, an actual party with people my age. There will be booze, oh yes there will, and men too. Very sad to say, but what I'm really looking forward to is the booze. That and I finally have a chance to wear the blouse I bought 6 months ago. (Disclaimer: that ain't me in the photo. Duh)

Saturday night Emma came over and we ate my homemade vegetable soup with fresh baked baguettes, followed by Galaxy chocolate and rum, while watching a few movies. All in a VERY good weekend.

Snow Topped

2011-01-14T13:09:00.003Z

Right now the only thing that's irritating me is the stinking, rotting ceiling damage that is STILL waiting to be repaired. I know we had a holiday, but it's been a month now - get on with it already. Geez!

On Friday, while I was gallivanting about with coffee chats, haircuts and camera repairs, the postal service was leaving a package delivery slip at my flat. I had no idea what this could be, as I'd already verified that I'd not made any flu-fever induced purchases but since I had surprisingly received the fudge from Chris I was actually looking forward to making the trek into Govan (nearby neighbourhood in Glasgow)to retrieve the mystery package.

Saturday morning was a lovely blue-sky day and not too chilly. It had snowed the night before, but only about 3 inches, which is easy enough to walk in, so I set out for the Post Office.

Once I arrived at Govan Cross, I stopped to take some photos of the new metal benches now covered in snow. I raise myself back up to find two old ladies staring at me and wondering just what in the hell I was photographing. I showed them, and they were a bit surprised but seemed please nonetheless.

I get to the Post Office to discover that the package actually wasn't for me, and that there wasn't even an actual flat number on the package so I don't know why the eejit gave me the slip. I was slightly irritated, as this cost me a subway trip, but man it really was a beautiful day and I was happy to be outside.

I went across the street to the Govan Old Church (formerly St Constantine's, built in 1888) and cemetery, then down the road where I took another shot of the Sir William Pearce statue, over to the New Govan Church (built 1873), and then continued on towards home after making the decision to just walk.

I remembered that I'd be passing the Govan Graving Dock, and when I turned down the alleyway leading to the edge I slipped a bit in the snow which made me yelp in surprise. This made me laugh which in turn startled the fox that had been walking on the same road. He took off running and I was quick, but sadly not quick enough as the pocket camera has shorter focal range and much slower shutter speed. Oh well, at least I have the memory. Still, that would have been WAY COOL to have gotten a shot of a fox running through the snow!

So this is the frozen Graving Dock, the largest of 3, opened in 1898. These docks were used for winter overhauls and refits of Clyde steamers. Looking towards the Finnieston Crane, Finnieston Bridge (aka Squinty Bridge), Glasgow Tower, and Glasgow Science Centre. You can't see it in this photo, but the fox was running along the left bank.

Leaving the dock area I wandered into a residential area that had left their gates open. One of the advantages to having an American accent is the ability to talk your way into/out of restricted areas. They usually just assume I'm a bloody tourist. Heh.

In here I got a better view of the Tower, Science Centre and BBC Scotland, as well as the Govan Town Hall (which is behind me as I took this photo). Even better were the cool abstract, almost synapse looking, shapes in the frozen water where the ice was beginning to thaw.

I'd been focusing on getting shots of that when I noticed a beautiful Husky approaching. Their human let me play for a bit, which greatly calmed the boy. I'm not sure what it is about me and dogs, but they get quite whiny and excited when I approach. One little puppy in London even peed, poor thing. Maybe they can sense how much I want to play with the dog(s)? Anyhoo, I left there feeling good and with a lot of white hair on my wool coat. I only had another 1/2 mile to go and finally arrived home 15 minutes later, happy yet quite knackered.

NO Obligation

2011-01-12T12:11:00.002Z

I really like to help others but when it comes to myself I'm not very good at asking for help, and even worse at accepting it. I've been told, however, that part of my growth as a human being requires that I acknowledge my need, express my need, and gratefully (without guilt!!) accept any assistance offered for my need.

My Need:
My Canon 40D is in the shop, and I need to raise £180 to pay for the repairs. I would feel too guilty asking just one friend to pay for this, but if a lot of friends were to pay just a small amount then I'd feel much better about the asking.

I am asking for donations
If you are able to spare just £1, that would help me out a lot.

I've checked it out and "you can use PayPal to send money to anyone with an email address. Whether you're paying back a friend, splitting a bill or sending money to family overseas - PayPal is the answer as it's safe, fast and easy. And in the UK, when you pay someone in the same currency using your bank account or balance, it's free."

1) Go to the paypal website and choose "send money online".
2) Enter the email address of your recipient [gertiedu AT gmail DOT com]
3) Enter the amount
4) Choose GBP British Pounds
5) Click on the tab "Personal" tab and choose either "Gift" or "Personal Payment Owed"
6) Click continue and follow any additional instructions

Expressing my thanks
For those who donate, I'd like to email you a photo of your choosing. Just visit my flickr account, choose something you like (there are thousands of photos to choose from), send me the url of the photo and I will email the image to you.

I know that many people are in a tight spot right now, especially after the holidays, so please remember that there is absolutely NO OBLIGATION to help me on this. I know you are out there cheering for me, and that too is a big help!

Thank You.

Grrr BTO2

2011-01-11T19:52:00.003Z

BT & O2 are pissing me off:

BT sent me an invoice that includes a contract termination charge, even though I did not have a contract. If they are going to insist that I had a contract, then they need to refund me the £2.99 per month they've been charging me for the unlimited evening/weekend plan which is the price they charge when you do NOT have a contract. Fuckers.

Ever since I switched from BT to O2, I can't stream videos. I contacted O2 via the Chat Help, only to be told they can't help me I need to phone. I explain that I am hard of hearing (this should be in my file) and find making telephone calls extremely difficult so may I email. I then emailed them and the first person says, "oh no, you're at 8mg, you're fine." and then proceeds to give me the bloody cut~n~paste procedure email rather like saying "have you tried turning it off and then on again?" What slays me is the instruction to plug into the master BT outlet, and if that is not working I need to phone BT. It says right at the beginning of my email that BT is not my home line provider, THEY ARE. Wankers.

2nd email they tell me, "oh no, you're at 17mg, you're fine". THEN they tell me I must phone them so they can run a test. Having gone through this, I know that they are going to ask me a list of questions and then have me hang up to run the test. I ask if I can do this via email and get told No, you MUST phone us. So I ask them to please confirm that they are telling me they are unable to accommodate my disability and the only way for me to get service is by making a phone call. I've just received a reply to please contact them via the Chat Help, the very same chat help that was unable to help me in the first place. I think it is best for my blood pressure to stay away from videos for a few days and stick to reading books.

There are some awesome people in this world:

On Friday, after leaving my camera at the repair shop, I impulsively phoned the hairdressers to make an appointment for a haircut. Its a wee shop, about a 20-minute train journey from Glasgow, that does a good job and is affordable. A dry haircut and train journey will only set me back a tenner, whereas most of the other places around here will cost me a minimum of £45.

I figured since I hadn't had a haircut since May of 2009(!) it was okay to splurge like this. I phoned them, made the appointment, caught the next train, and when I arrived in Blantyre I walked the block to the shop only to discover that the building was closed up - out of business. Huh? I figure I must have screwed something up so I dialled the number again and had the local shopkeeper talk to them. Turns out they moved, and were only a 5 minute walk away, but instead of bothering with instructions they CAME and GOT ME. Can you believe that? Now THAT is first class service!!

As for the haircut, I'm kinda "meh" about it. I told her that I think I might be losing hair ("you can afford to, you have so much!"), and that I wanted many, many layers to give it a fullness without having to style it. It felt damn good to get a proper cut, but I did not like the way she'd straightened it. To the few friends I saw afterwards it looked good, but to me it just looked limp and thin. Once I washed and dried it, though, it looked much better.

I may not have gotten out much, and may not have had a working "big" camera, but I still managed to take a few shots in London:

This is Forty Hall:

which also had a really cool old tree:

And this is the Alexandra Palace, which offers a great view to London (city) from the Alexandra Park:

Box of Bliss

2011-01-08T14:36:00.006Z

crikey, has the first week of this year already gone by!?

After arriving home from London, there was a delivery slip in my mail telling me I had a package waiting at the Post Office. First thing, I climbed into bed and took a nap, as I hadn't slept much on the bus, but mainly because it was cold in the house and I needed something to pass the time while waiting for the Post Office to open ;-D

The alarm went off and I quickly re-dressed and motivated myself out the door and down the street to pick up this mystery package. I wasn't entirely certain what it would be, but since I'd been unknowingly emailing etc during my flu induced fever, I thought it highly likely I had purchased a book from my Amazon wishlist.

When I got there I made a squeak of glee, kind of a "gleak" if you will, but definitely NOT to be confused with a Gleek. I recognized the handwriting on the package and knew immediately that my friend Chris had sent me some of her homemade fudge. YUM. Double Yum.

Not only is this the creamiest, tastiest stuff EVER - but it can also disappear as if by magic. I'd been such a good girl when ordering my groceries, that asda only delivered healthy shit. So much for my plan to share. I guess there really is something I won't do for my friends. Heh.

Yesterday I woke early and met ember in town for coffee. We nattered on for over three hours, which I guess is to be expected when you haven't seen someone in nearly a month. I've got plans to see gypsiewriter on the 22nd and as we haven't seen each other since the summer, I imagine we won't shut up for the entire visit.

Anyhoo, I had errands to run and ember was heading home so we parted outside the sbux, taking quick note at the massive drop in temperature. I marched right down the street to the camera repair shop, wiggling my fingers the entire way, anything really to try and warm them up. These were fingers inside gloves inside my coat pockets, yet still cold. I believe I lost my edge being so pampered with heat in London.

Once upstairs I reached across the counter and handed my broken baby to the polite tech who came back mere minutes later to tell me that the blah-blah was blah blah and it was going to cost me £180 to repair it. Though feeling extremely nauseous at the price, I can't say I was all that surprised, although I do think I'd been holding on to the hope that my Canon warranty would kick in. Uh, no. It would appear that even though you pay £600 for a product, it only has to work for 1 year. Fucking Canon (I still love you).

It will take 2 weeks to repair, and then I can still leave it there while I raise the money. I had a very sweet and generous offer from a friend to help with the cost, but am thinking I might try some sort of online photo fundraiser. Like maybe put up a button for paypal and ask folks to donate £1. If they donate £5 or more, I will email them any photo of mine they like... whaddya think?

The cafe where I have some photos is supposed to pay me, plus I have some money owed for a design project I did so I'm fairly confident I can raise this. At first I wondered if this was the sign I needed, letting me know that photography was not what I was to be doing. And yet, despite the high cost of the repair, I did not hesitate one second about having the work done. I just knew in my gut I had to get my camera back. That has to mean something, right?

They call me Wheezer

2011-01-06T14:03:00.001Z

I'm back from London!

Journey down was uneventful, and rather pleasant as I had a fellow ex-pat to chat with. We spent the first couple of hours talking solely about food that we miss, and then napped for the rest.

It was weird being in London so early in the morning, and stranger still to have it so frickin' empty. At one point it was just me on the underground. Spooky.

It was also much, much, warmer than it had been in Glasgow so I spent a good deal of my time taking off layers and stuffing them into my bag.

I never did get to see the Winter Wonderland at Hyde Park, except for the brief glimpse as the bus left London on Tuesday night. There was a slight window of opportunity on one day, but Lil'P didn't want to risk being late to feed the cats their supper so we wandered around the neighbourhood while her clothes dried at the laundrymat instead.

I seemed to be recovering well, but after 20 minutes outdoors and walking around I would be coughing madly, get really hot and sweaty, and lose my voice. I wasn't sure if I should stay in and rest, or exercise more to try and cough up the crud. I'm still a bit wheezy, but think I'm on the mend.

The day after I arrived we went to Forty Hill Country Park, which has an old house and gardens. The house was closed, which was just as well because my camera stopped working about 10 minutes after we arrived. I haven't been able to retrieve those photos as I don't have a card reader, so I'll have to wait until the camera gets repaired. I did manage a couple with the pocket camera - this one is a macro shot of the dew drops on the moss wall.

countdown to meltdown

2010-12-29T20:01:00.002Z

Today Lil'P and I went for a wee drive and then a walk thru the park to Faulty Hall. Ten minutes after our arrival my camera stopped working.

Tonight, while trying to google an answer as to what the fuck is wrong with my fucking camera, my fucking netbook fucking died.

Suffice to say, not only will there NOT be any fucking London photos – I won’t be online to bitch about it. Lucky you.

This decade has been the most incredible shit. How much more am I to take universe, how much?

Sexy Phlegm

2010-12-27T11:39:00.002Z

What a week! I'm feeling much better, and smell better too. Good golly the odour a body makes. I had a high fever for more than two days straight, causing me to sweat profusely and I don't really remember much about that other than I woke to find myself thinking either I must have died or something else had crawled into the room and died on my bed. I never will understand those people who deliberately choose not to bathe. How do they stand themselves? (Don't even get me started on those that don't bathe but think that applying perfume crap will cover the smell.)

The fever is gone, but I'm left with the residual "cold" symptoms and have taken to entertaining myself by singing Smelly Cat in my sexy phlegm voice.

Weather permitting I am leaving for London tonight. If all goes well, I will be able to sleep through a lot of the trip. I'm not counting on it, that is the best case scenario, but a girl can hope. Usually if I'm going to be travelling for 9 hours I end up somewhere like the US. Weird that I'll only be going down south.

Lil'P now has a cold, so between the two of us we are most likely going to be hanging about indoors although there are a couple things I'd still like to see. The Winter Wonderland is still happening in Hyde Park, and if it snows that could make for some fun photos. Also, still hoping for snow on the Thames.

It's weird that I have to hang about all day waiting until tonight to leave. I do believe I'm more suited to starting the day with travel. Of course, it would probably feel different if I had a job, something to do and all that. Instead I'll just be sat on the sofa under the duvet, drinking tea and occasionally punctuating the silence with a hacking cough...

I'm on Pause

2010-12-26T09:12:00.001Z

Apparently I've rescheduled my trip to London for the 27th. I have no recall of doing this, but the message is in my email inbox!

I'm still a bit hazy in the head and wheezy in the chest and nose, but think I might finally be on the mend.

I think.

I went to the corner shop on Christmas Eve (I had to ask what day it was) to get some vittles. I bumped into a couple displays and apologetically explained to the shop owner that I wasn't pished, I was sick. He was kind enough to walk me home. I heated some soup, aaaand that's all I remember until last night.

has it really been a week already?

poo. it IS flu.

2010-12-23T10:51:00.000Z

cheese on a cracker, these have been a rough couple of days. The bad news is that I've been sick as hell. The good news is that the fever, although causing me to sweat profusely, has made me impervious to the temperature drop in my flat. In fact, being able to cool down has probably saved my brain from boiling.

the fever finally broke this morning, and about an hour ago I felt an actual hunger pain, so tomorrow I will attempt a trek to the corner shop to locate something to eat - since I had planned on being in London, there isn't any food in the flat. I need to go out anyway, since I now need to top up the power meter as well.

And trying to type all this has maxed me out. Right, machine is shutting and I'm rolling back over for a snooze.

Yellow Always Means Slow Down

2010-12-21T09:48:00.003Z

sigh. The humour of Sod (aka Murphy). I was just sat in a coffee shop telling Sarah that I don't get sick, so of course now I'm sick.

I've had a tickling cough for a couple weeks, but yesterday I woke to find this had developed into something altogether disgusting. I'm drinking water, taking ibuprofen, trying to eat although the heavy coughing has been ending meals on a rather unpleasant note.

I'm fairly certain I do not have the flu. However, I am concerned it is progressing to bronchitis. I am also concerned as I am to be on a bus tomorrow night for a very long journey to London. The other passengers will be sure to love me. All I can hope for is a miraculous recovery by tomorrow night, or a cancellation due to weather.

In the meantime I'm in bed trying to stay covered even though my fever makes me want to run naked through the snow. I fell asleep, quite heavily, but woke this morning around 3 so I started watching a movie. When I woke again, it felt like 9 or 10 at night so I'm very puzzled to see my clock say 08:45. That's good, because it means I didn't sleep through the ceiling inspectors visit, but I feel so damn disoriented.

The good thing is that last night I stood up for myself and wouldn't coddle the client who was 2 hours late AGAIN. I refused to stress myself out by rearranging my schedule to accommodate them and trying to get their shit done before I leave, and instead made them reschedule for after my return. Go Gert.

Wheels & Wine

2010-12-19T12:34:00.004Z

Other than dealing with some cold weather and still not finding a job, I'm finding life to be fairly stress free (at the moment). Yay.

I had my volunteer days this week and then gave notice that I will not be back into the office until January 12th. Once the New Year hits I plan to pull out all the stops towards finding employment. I've already modified my CV for the same work I'm applying for, but now I'd like to start searching for different work for which I can apply the huge catalogue of skills I already have.

On Friday I went into city centre to run some errands, and managed to head for home before the shopping crowds descended en-masse. Later that afternoon Emma came over and we watched a couple of films. Or should I say Emma watched and I snoozed . I had decided to give us a treat, so turned on the heat and the warm (by comparison) room made me very very sleepy. Later we broadened the treat to include pasta with pesto, and mini donuts for dessert. Naughty.

Up early for the train yesterday, I went across to Edinburgh to spend the day with Sarah. Snow, lattes, banana cake, chatter, chatter, markets, bubbles, rubber ducks, dogs, icicles, Glühwein with rum AND potato noodles - Such fun!

This is my gorgeous Christmas card handmade by the lovely Sarah herself!

This is the Ferris Wheel next to the Scott Monument.

Not sure what a Ferris Wheel has to do with Christmas, but each year they set up a winter amusement park area amidst the German Christmas Market. Lots of kids having fun. Some parents having fun too. Especially the ones parked at the Glühwein stall.

A view of the Edinburgh Castle, from Princes Street, with only a light dusting of snow left.

Pipes & Puppies

2010-12-14T01:47:00.002Z

The weather is turning cold again. Again you say? When did it warm up? One day last week it did, and now temperatures are going back the other way. Funny, the reprieve lured me into a false sense of "ahhh, that's over" and KABLAM winter is back. Or still here. Or at least will be here - on the 21st is it?

On Sunday my landlord's agent came by to have a look at the ceiling. It's not quite FUBAR but it is a helluva lot worse than just a bit of water. There is an area about 3x5 feet that is completely soaked. It appears that either there was a lot more water that came down from the recent pipe burst (neighbor 2 up) or the small leak from my neighbor 1 up wasn't fixed entirely and has been dripping over this entire past year. Some of the wood is rotted and crumbling. The agent pulled down the large sections that were collapsing and put most of the debris off to one side so at least I can be in the area without fear of shit crashing down on my head.

I just did another service design project for someone and might be getting a small payment as thanks. I sure could use the dough. I'm having to run the heat for a little bit every day just to keep the temperature up to 10C (so pipes won't freeze) and I'll need money for that gas bill.

Last night I watched Marley & Me, which gave dreams full of puppies. I swear I woke with a smile.

It looks like I'm going to be spending Christmas in London - if the roads stay clear. I'll be taking the overnight bus from Glasgow, which leaves at 10pm and arrives in London about 7am. That's NINE HOURS. On a bus. At the very least it should be a lot warmer on the bus than my flat, eh?

I'll have a couple hours after I arrive before I can catch the underground to my friend's work, and if the weather isn't too bad I'm hoping to get some nice photos of the area. I'm also really looking forward to seeing the big Christmas Market in Hyde Park. I also also wouldn't mind it snowing after I arrive (but melting for the drive back). How awesome it would be to get some shots of snow on the River Thames!

madness mayhem merry christmas

2010-12-10T22:53:00.002Z

I finally left my flat and spoke to another human. I had to go upstairs because there was a water leak coming from the flat above me. Turns out it was a broken pipe from two floors up. At first we thought it would dry out and not be a problem, but today the ceiling collapsed. Awww, Merry fucking Christmas dude!

The temperature has climbed from -11C to 8C, which is a huge difference (that's nearly 40 degrees F increase). For some reason, though, it doesn't seem much warmer in the flat. Conundrum.

The increase in temp means most of the snow is gone, as is most of the ice, so if the warmer temp maintains I should be able to get out and run my errands tomorrow. Yay. I'll have to set the alarm to try and get out early, though, because I'm not too thrilled at the prospect of being in city centre on a Saturday, during the holiday season and after a week of everyone being snowed in. Yikes, the madness that is sure to ensue!

lullaby. and good night.

2010-12-09T05:52:00.001Z

It's nearly 6am and I can't fall asleep. I'm tucked up in bed, staying warm, as I've been doing all week. It dropped to 7C in my flat last night, the coldest yet. Overnight I've watched the outside temp climb from -11C to 0, so today promises to be "warmer".

It has occurred to me that I have left my house only once in the past 8 days. So weird I have not spoken to another human, except for the two lines from the postman (who mistook me for a dude) and the job centre guy. Is this what being a hermit feels like?

I was supposed to have a coffee date today, but pushed that back to Tuesday. I can't even think about washing my hair, trying to look presentable, and trying to maneuver on these icy streets. The very thoughts of all that stuff makes me sleepy. Alas, not sleepy enough to actually, ya know *FALL ASLEEP*.

Exciting, just found out series 3 of Being Human is set to premiere in January. Also, I apparently had not eaten all of the cookies but had left myself two in the cupboard. Score!

I had green thai curry with chicken and rice last night. Yum. Made me very thirsty though. Between the pizza from the other day and then the curry I've been drinking about 2.5 litres of water a day. Good for me, but its annoying having to pee so much.

I think we might be getting a break from the weather, so hopefully I can go out on Friday and finally post my xmas cards.

Aaaaand, nothing else to write about. Not much happens when home alone, apparently. Don't even have a current photo.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

2010-12-07T02:41:00.003Z

We got hit with a few more inches of snow today, making everyone freak the fuck out. I, myself, have not left the flat in 4 days but today I needed to go sign on.

I squeezed myself onto the overcrowded subway and rode the one stop over to Govan, where I departed and slowly made the slippery journey down the block to the job centre. I was about 15 minutes early, so I stopped first at the Post Office to mail off my xmas cards, but after 5 minutes I knew I wasn't going to get through line fast enough and didn't want to be late for my appointment.

I ducked out of line, went over to the job centre, and was told that they were closed but to come back as usual in two weeks. No bother, I went back over to the Post Office only to be told "hey mate, we're closed"

Bummer. Not only had I stepped out of line and missed my opportunity to buy postage for the cards that were right there in my pocket and ready to go, but I was mistaken for a dude.

Two of my intended destinations were a bust, hardly worth coming out for, but at least I was able to pick up some groceries. I was down to one cup of oatmeal and one can of soup and with the snow dumping the way it was I figured I better try and get something else for the cupboard or it could be a hairy couple of days. I decided to splurge on a pizza, a girl can only eat so much soup after all, and at the check out the cashier informed me they were actually 2 for 1. Yay, TWO pizzas for just one quid. My lucky day.

Back at home I got out the spare duvet and set myself up on the sofa to watch a couple of films while noshing on pizza. 27 Dresses, I can't believe I bought that even though it was only £1.25 because as I began to watch it I remembered I didn't like it very well. Oh well. Next in the queue was Lethal Weapon, which I was surprised to find how much of it I had forgotten. Still an entertaining flick, from a time when I didn't find Mel Gibson so repulsive. Then came Friends With Money which I could relate to oh so much, and finally the sobfest better known as The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

I'm not feeling too inspired to do any photo stuff or writing stuff, nor tuck any further into my current read, so I just might pop in another film and see if I can get sleepy enough to try and nap for awhile.

I leave you with a shot taken out front this afternoon, before the traffic jam started:

cute little diddy

2010-12-06T02:31:00.000Z

Such a catchy tune.

White Out

2010-12-04T18:47:00.004Z

Tuesday night on my way home I found a mobile phone. I brought it in the house, gave it an anti-bacterial wipe down, then scrolled through the texts until I saw one that looked like it was personal (instead of business). I sent them a text from that phone saying I'd found it and to contact me. The friend called me and made arrangements for the owner to pick up the next morning.

The guy arrived at 9am and was very appreciative, saying a lot of folk wouldn't have bothered. Really? It didn't take much effort on my part, and I was glad to help. Maybe my "good deed" got paid forward when his good mood got passed on to someone else...

When I popped out to hand him his phone, I could see that we'd gotten a fresh dumping of snow AND it was brilliantly sunny out. I jumped back into my warm bed where I argued with myself about getting up and going to the Necropolis for snow photos. The photographer in me won out over the lazy-assness in me, and within half an hour I was making my way into town.

Stepping off the subway, the weather had taken a turn and was dumping snow again. I briefly entertained the idea of ixnaying the trip and parking myself in a starbucks but kept plodding along until I got there. As soon as I crossed the Bridge of Sighs, the snow stopped and the skies cleared to blue again.

Took a bit of effort to climb the hill in the foot of snow, but oh OH was it worth it!

Taste the Heat

2010-11-30T22:34:00.004Z

Maaaaannnnn, I accidentally swapped the plugs on the hot water bottles and found myself snuggling with a whole lotta HOT water then just cold wet blanket. Sounds like a metaphor for my life.

It was so damn cold (!how cold was it!?) yesterday morning that I caved and turned on the heat. I'd been laying there shivering, hoping to warm up under the covers and fall asleep but I finally accepted it was just too cold and I needed to take action. I do not have money to pay for the heat I'm using, but the bill won't come for another 3 months so I've got time to try and make something happen. At least I have that option. I have a friend who's gas is top-up, so if she doesn't have the cash then she doesn't have heat, period.

My place heats quickly, but I needed to do something even quicker to warm up so I decided to hoover the flat. The machine has been sitting in the middle of my walkway for a month now, put there because I'd not vacuumed for over a month before that. Gross. Funny how it takes trying to avoid freezing to death to get me to do my damn housework. As a former Monica, my friends are probably shocked to read this.

By the time I'd finished with one room I was already unzipping my outer coat. Four rooms later and I had that coat and gloves off. I was on a roll and decided to go ahead an mop the floors, but that meant doing the dishes first and then I just didn't get to it. Tomorrow, though, I've promised myself a couple more hours of heat if I'll just mop the damn floors :-D
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I finished editing the photos from my last charity shoot, and since I was going to be in their neighborhood yesterday I decided to drop them off and save myself the postage cost. I got a little lost, seeing as everything was white and you couldn't find most of the street signs, but eventually I made my way there - in/out in a jiffy and then back out the door to finish my errands. Speaking of jiffy, I picked up a box of Jiffy cornbread mix at Lupe Pintos. I stopped in there to get a can of Libby's pumpkin mix and thought since I'd be having my homemade vegetable stew later in the week the cornbread would be a nice touch. Of course, these are grand ideas until I remember somebody actually has to make the fucking things.

Spotted during my escapade of Lost:

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Few shots from the Taste of Africa, held at Paisley Town Hall:

Craignethan Castle

2010-11-30T21:48:00.003Z

This weekend we (Glasgow) saw our first snow of the season and I was awake for the whole thing. I was laying here under the covers trying to stave off winter chills when it occurred to me that it had warmed up a bit. Sure enough, in just an hour we'd gone from -9C up to 1C; which could only mean one thing: S N O W !

Because of the snow, however, travel to our intended flickr destination of Rannoch Mor was cancelled (disappointed!) (you should see the shots from the folks who made it there) so instead Caroline picked me up on Saturday afternoon and we drove over to Crossford to visit Craignethan Castle. This Castle was built in 1532, by Sir James Hamilton, and is the last purpose-built fortress to be constructed in Scotland.

Turns out it was a "free weekend", but the snow kept away the other tourists leaving Caroline and I free reign (heh) of the castle. Woot. It was a bit hairy going down some of the staircases (man, those people must have been some kind o'tiny), but all in all an easy castle to maneuver about.

I was wearing my new boots (thank Lil'P!) and hat (thanks Chris!), fingerless gloves and wool coat (thanks Visa!) so I didn't feel the cold at all. I just wish we'd had longer to wander about.

There is no better sleep remedy than a few hours of walking around in the fresh air, so by the time we got home I just was aching for a nap.

We keep getting re-sprinkled with snow each evening, and now that my projects are finished I'm telling myself to get up and get to the Necropolis in the morning for those "snow on tombstone" shots I've been wishing for. But oh, it is soooooooooo hard to leave the snuggly warmth of my bed when the flat is so cold...

This is the view as you approach the castle:

The square tower:

Inside, after descending a tight staircase:

Afternoon sun:

Corner view, after ~~sliding~~ climbing down a wee hill:

Letters of Appreciation

2010-11-26T18:36:00.002Z

Dear ~~igloo~~ Fridge,

You are a pain in my ass, with your limited 2 settings of 'off' or 'frozen'; but tonight when I opened your door I was so happy to find that the forgotten 10-day old raw chicken was still edible because it was sitting there frozen on the top shelf. Way to save me £4.97 AND give me something yummy for dinner without making me trek to the shops! Well done, you. I still wish you'd learn to turn off the fucking light when I close the door, but I'm pleased for now and will let that slide. Until next week.

Dear Thumbelina's Kitchen,

Sure, you're adequate (in the way a motor-home kitchen is adequate) and what with installing the pot rack and spice rack on one wall we've managed a working relationship 'til now, but there's something kinda ironic about needing to drop two dress sizes in order to cook. I'm just saying. Tonight, however, as the temperatures have plummeted below freezing I found that by closing the door while cooking and washing the dishes - you have actually heated up quickly and I've finally stopped shivering. Thank you for showing me your warm side.
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Cliffhanger

2010-11-26T02:30:00.003Z

The Mom is still living in Africa, with limited internet access, so her correspondence is spotty at best. Like my sister MaryAnn, she has a knack for throwing something into the pot and then signing off, rather like she's writing a season-ending cliffhanger.

This is her latest email:

I will sit down, write a really good letter and then send to everyone.

You should also note that my best protection here against thieves (since we have now been robbed three times in 18-months) is to get dogs. So, I am getting three. Two that stay outside, and one that accompanies me about everywhere. This way I know I don't have to get a gun and threaten to shoot someone. The last incident was ugly. I ended up literally tangling with the robber. Wonder he did not shoot me.

More on that subject later.

Love you,
Mom

Latest Photo-Book

2010-11-20T03:17:00.005Z

I finally finished my photo-book on Glasgow! This widget gives you a preview of the first 15 pages (out of 120), and also links you up if you are interested in buying a copy.

to see the other book widgets, click here

Slowly I awake

2010-11-19T19:41:00.006Z

I've got photoshoots booked for the next three weekends - two are for charities but the one at the end of this month will take me up North to Rannoch Moor. Bliss.

On to recent photos:

This is "Heavy Horse", a 14' high galvanized steel sculpture by Andy Scott (1997), seen off the M8 between Glasgow and Motherwell. A flickr buddy and I went out there on Halloween (between the Zombie Walk and trek to cemetery) and trudged across a muddy field. Worth it!

Five years after I took my first shot of the Glasgow Cathedral, lit at night, I finally got the chance to get another (better) one. The scaffolding is now gone from the back (sadly it is now in the front, but its good the repairs are being done) and it is an amazing sight to behold. This was taken from the top of the hill in the Necropolis cemetery:

This is bhangra pop singer Tariq Khan, performing at a charity event:

holiday choices

2010-11-18T16:24:00.000Z

These are my final designs for my holiday postcards. One question though, is it correct to have the apostrophe s? It is one season, and the greetings of that season, so it seems like a possessive. But maybe it should be just Season Greetings? I find both when I do a google search...

#F1

#F2

#F3

#F4

#F5

Rudolph and the boys

2010-11-15T03:26:00.001Z

supermarket Lidl launches reindeer meat for Christmas

"A discount supermarket chain has been accused of destroying the magic of Christmas after putting reindeer steaks on its shelves."

You'd think the better time for the sale would be post-Christmas, ya know, AFTER Rudolph and the boys delivered the goods...

mis-perceptions

2010-11-14T01:11:00.004Z

I'm snuggled under the duvet with the hot water bottle pulling double duty as body warmer and cramp soother, so I'm not much able to focus on anything I should be doing and am instead surfing DIY and decorating websites. I miss my HGTV shows Decorating Cents (Trash to Treasure!) and Design on a Dime (oh, and Mission Organization!!)...

Anyhoo, I'm daydreaming about painting my kitchen cabinets (all two of them) and was hoping for some suggestions. I have a wee fitted kitchen, maximum 5'x 2.5'; ~~basically~~ actually a fucking closet. I typed "tiny fitted kitchen makeover ideas" and was given a link to "Discover design ideas and tips for perfecting your own small kitchen".

I do believe we have a vast difference in opinion on the term "small".

Pictured is one of their examples of a small kitchen.

Huh?

Glasgow Zombie Walk 2010

2010-11-08T10:31:00.000Z

My top 10 from the Glasgow Zombie Walk 2010: