I'm not high maintenance, I'm just crazy

I've napped, I've input data, I've consumed microwave kettle popcorn. I have a lot of items on my to-do list, but I don't seem able to prioritize. Maybe I'll just put them in a hat and draw items randomly.

I looked up flats to let and available jobs in the Inverness online newspaper. Here are two that although I don't have any professional training, I thought they might be a hoot.

• Head Chef Tulloch Castle Hotel
  
• Interior Designer
  
• Scottish Police Federation Northern Branch

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Overheard-- Chick on cell: He said I'm high maintenance. I am not high maintenance... I'm crazy, but I'm not high maintenance.


[now that's tellin' him, honey]

Genetic Disorder

When I tossed the bag onto the goodwill pile, I didn't expect to find the Mom digging it out. She said that it "just looks like pictures have been worn off with time" and wants to keep the bag for herself. Then at Gma's, I tossed away the pages that we edited only to come out of the bathroom and see my grandmother rifling thru the garbage can to pull out those pages because she wants to keep them.

These two women are directly descended from my great-grandmother Gladys who had, we discovered upon her death, been keeping half burned candles wrapped up inside used aluminum foil and then saved in a shoebox.

Oh sweet jayzus, PLEASE don't let this be hereditary.

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I need a free/cheap website for hosting pictures so that I can post from Scotland... any suggestions?

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I called and got my voter registration address moved, and then downloaded the form to sign to make mine an absentee ballot. I filled it out and mailed it today. I called and got my address changed for my student loans, and also filled out (and mailed!) the form to have my student loan payments automatically deducted from my checking account. That way I don't have to fuck with trying to send a check from Scotland every month. I called the public health department and made arrangements to get my last month of TB pills (woohoo), took my pants to the drycleaners, and repacked (for the 3rd time).

I released four more books into the wild, deposited my teeny-weeny widdle paychecks, paid my auto insurance, and cancelled my cell phone service. I stopped at IKEA to pick up 4 small dressers for ET's kids, hit the Post Office to grab Sally's mail, picked up a groceries and a new billfold for Gma, and toner cartridges for the Mom.

I cleaned all the garbage (literal and not-so-literal) out of the 4Runner, and now I just need to vacuum-spit-& polish. After I take it thru the car-wash, I'll drive into a rich neighborhood and stop in front of a huge house to take my FOR SALE photo. Figuring a little psychology might bump up my resale value. If your first impression is to see it all shiny and pretty in front of a spendy home, you might be inclined to think "hmmm, lots of money-- well cared for car". Hey, I need all the help I can get! They are gonna deduct plenty of dollars when I tell them that Molly ate the seatbelts, the windshield is cracked, and there is a small dent in the front bumper.

I picked up a gallon of yellow paint for only $5. It's the exact color the dressers are now, but the two pieces I didn't touch need refreshing; and the one piece that I started to work on but never finished needs to be put back into a usuable form before I leave. The paint was a discount miscolor at the hardware store and fits my so-called budget. We are having nice weather for the next couple of days so I'll be out there sanding and painting and, knowing my predilection for mishaps, making a mess.

You want to be me, doncha?

MaryAnn came by last night to watch CSI and get her pound of flesh drop-off some more data entry for me to do. I owe her this, so I won't bitch too much, but it really would have been much more efficient if I had been given this stuff during the two weeks that I had to sit and do nothin' as a temporary facilitator. But now is fine, I mean, it's not like I really have anything else to do before I move to another country.

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I was writing down all of the places that I've traveled to, and noticed that there are only 14 states that I have not been to. Those are the red dots. The green squares are the states that I have technically been to, in that I've landed in an airport there.
Now I just need a map of Europe...

Literary Expeditions

I registered 3 books at Bookcrossing, and then released them into the wild.  Can't wait to find out where they go. I have 3 more that I'll leave at the SeaTac airport on my way to Scotland.

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This is me as a SouthPark character:

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Driving home after visiting Gma, I stopped at a fast-food place by the freeway.  As I sat waiting for my order, a car trying to cross the street like frogger smashed into another car that was racing up the turn lane.

The drive-thru gal rang a bell and yelled to her crew "that's three!" (for today).

Guessing that this is a high-accident zone, I proceeded verrry carefully forward, and yet was still almost hit twice before I could get the hell outta there.

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I have a tendancy to sit on, drop, kick, run-over, crush, in essence DESTROY all of my sunglasses.  This is why at the beginning of every summer I would hit the dollar store and load up on sunglasses. The shortest record of ownership is 20 minutes.  I walked out of the store, down to the beach, and was hit by a huge wave that took my glasses.

So two weeks ago, while over at Sally's, I gleefully remarked that I've had the same pair of sunglasses for almost a year and how it was amazing that I hadn't lost them yet.  This moment should have come with that dunh-dunh-dunh music to signify my stupidity, for surely {of course I'm serious, and don't call me Shirley} the fates would now have to take my fucking glasses.

When I left that day, I "lost" them at Sally's.  Later that week I proceeded to lose them again, only to be found by the Mom in the den.  Then while shopping at R@ss and Targ3t, I really did lose them.  And I was crushed.  They were cheap ($14), but they were the most perfect pair of sunglasses.

Then for my birthday I bought a cute white bag with blue piping and straps.  I had a craft idea of printing out black & white pictures from my travels, and ironing them in the white squares.  Cute idea, but with disasterous results.  Who knew you couldn't iron on canvas?

I decided to drive to my church to buy another bag.  Since I was in the neighborhood, I popped into R@ss and checked with Lost and Found.  Nope, no glasses.  I spent 20 minutes looking thru their sunglasses and finally settled on a lizclairborne pair that were green and silver and only ten bucks.  Woot!  And yet when I put them on in the car, I realized that the funky decal on the hinges were actually gaw-damn butterflies.

Shrugging over the sheer girly-ness of my new glasses, I drove across the street for evening service. I waited in line to ask, and THEY HAD MY SUNGLASSES!  I'm hoping three times a charm, but will attach them around my neck just in case.

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This week I'm helping Gma with her 2nd edition of the family heritage book.  After spending almost two years working on the 1st edition, I didn't think I would ever have to touch this again.  However, she now has a few additions and revisions she wants done before I leave.  This time I'll put it in a PDF file to send to everyone.  That way if they decide they want a hard copy, they can print it themselves.

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I got out my Dubbin black shoe polish to freshen up my leather jacket and my leather bag.  Kinda forgot that you need to wear rubber gloves under the sock/rag, so now I've got the fingernails of a grease monkey.  To top that off, I looked down and there are two huge black smudges on my white tank top where my mammoth jugs must have touched down as I leaned over to grab more polish.

For the love of pete, must I BE such a maladroit?

Leavin', On a Jet Plane

(don't know when I'll be back again...)

It's official. I am leaving on Monday, May 16th.

And I'm going first class baby.

MaryAnn used her frequent flyer mileage to get my ticket, and they had only one seat in May.  Cost her one hundred and forty THOUSAND miles!  Which means that I'll be cleaning her car, her house, the dog...  I'm a slave for her, at least for the next two weeks.

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Last week on Destination Unknown...

I finished my dogsitting job.  After gushing about how happy they were with the house and the dogs, they still didn't tip me and didn't pay me for the extra 3 visits either.  Fuckers

I also finished my facilitator temp job.

My birthday was very quiet, and quite relaxing.  I slept in (yay), caught up on my blog/journal reading, showered, and talked Sally into coming over to help me pack.

Yup, that pretty much covers it.  No pedicure, no haircut, no cake.

Sally DID bring flowers (see below) and ice cream, and I ordered pizza.

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The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trial.
- Confucius

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I've been bitching about my digital camera, claiming that it sucks and I need a new one.  Turns out that if one would just actually READ the frickin' manual, one might find out that the camera can do a lot of things that it just hadn't been programmed for, yet.

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Check out the Fourth Annual Running of the Nudes, where "people from around the world will run the streets of Pamplona to show the city that it doesn’t need to torture animals for tourism".

Brings a whole new meaning to getting impaled during the run...

Old enough to know better, still too young to care

Mom:   Quick, come here and look at what's on tv.
Mom:   Do you see those two boys there?
Me:       Yes.
Mom:   See how different they are in size?
Me:       Yeah.
Mom:   Well, they are 12 year old brothers but that one is already 6' tall.
Me:       Why is one so much bigger?
Mom:   Didn't catch that, but we sure got another Shock on our hands.
Me:       A what?
Mom:   You know, Shock, the tall basketball guy.
Me:       Hmm, I think you mean Shaq, Ma, Shaquille O'Neil....

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They say it's your birthday----something, something--na, na-- it's my birthday too!
I'm off to celebrate this day of my birth.

That this was also a day of agony for my mother is merely a bonus.

(I jest)

I leave off with a quote from Anais Nin:

"It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before... to test your limits... to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Smell of Success

Saturday and Sunday were the same old, same old from the last couple of weeks. The owners are coming home tonight. I had a horrible dream that their plane crashed and I was stuck animal-sitting INDEFINITELY.  It's all about me, ya know.

ET is with his kids and Sally is in Floriday with MaryAnn, so the Mom has been dogsitting Molly over the weekend.  I've been trying to stay away from Molly (since it causes this weird pain in my chest), but it's really hard to do when she's in the same house.

And so damn cute.

Last night the Mom came busting into the den to insist that I do something with the dog. Apparently she was antsy, and the Mom had already taken her on three separate 1-mile walks.

I balked, but still went to play.  We rass-ulled for an hour and then she slept like a baby.  I made a trip out to check on the menagerie, and then climbed into bed to read .

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A true testament for perseverance:   Man passes driving test on 272nd attempt

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I stepped into the elevator to head up to the snackroom, and there was this sort of pffft noise.  Two floors later I heard it again.  Two floors after that the elevator stopped, and a VERY cute intern got on.  I didn't hear the noise again, but by that time we both became painfully  [I am 36 and live with my mother, believe me I know what pain is]  aware that I'd obviously had broccoli for dinner last night.

oh, the horror.

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For all you book-lovers, check out this bookcrossing website. People register their books, attach a label, and then release the book (for example, leave it at an airport). Finders might see the label and go online to log the book. So cool.

Since I'll already be going thru all my boxes of books this week, I will pick out a few to start this book sharing trend.  I looked up some of the members, and there are quite a few in Inverness, so in a weird way I think I just found some new friends for when I move.

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Tomorrow I'm sleeping in, then maybe getting a haircut and a pedicure.  If I'm really lucky than I'll be getting a facial too.  Whee!

More Like Hardly Working

geez, I've been here over three hours already.  I'd like to say I'm working hard, but it's more like hardly working. The hardest part of this day so far has been to stay awake.

I just went thru two more backup CDs and found some more photos to watercolor, so I'll do that after my lunchbreak.

Lunchbreak?

Yes indeedy, they make us take a lunch break if we are working more than 5 hours.  Of course it's unpaid, so I'd rather NOT, but blah-blah-it's the law-blah.  Most jobs, when you take a break, you prop your feet up and read a book for awhile. Since that is specifically what I am taking a break from, I walk around the building instead.  This then becomes slightly militaristic since I have to carry my 40-lb backpack and I'm trudging around in boots.

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Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?   Yes. And they hired a stripper who was disguised as a pizza delivery guy.  Sadly, I was more excited about the prospect of pizza.

Have you ever been in a fist fight?  Yeah, but not in decades.  The most memorable fight I had was with Brian ?? in the 4th grade.  He and I were both hockey team captains, and my team beat his team.  Walking back to class, this little fucker jumps me from behind.  He was flailing his arms, slapping and scratching the hell outta me.  I couldn't get him off me, so I just backed up and kept pounding him against the wall until he let go.  Mr. Pansy-ass then freaked out because he was bleeding and ran to the teacher to tell on me.  He obviously didn't think that one thru and spent the next week in detention. Heh.

Have you ever been to a theatre?  I love the theatre [I also really want to see a performance at the Opera House].  I think the last play I saw was West Side Story.  Um, maybe it was Stomp.  Either way I haven't gone in a couple years--ya know, the whole unemployed thing.

Have you ever fallen down the stairs?  Yes, and I even have the scar on my lip to prove it [I'm a badass, like Robyn].  In my defense, I was only a toddler.  Oh. Wait.  I just remembered that in 1994 I slipped on the snow, landed on my butt, and continued to bump on down the entire staircase.

Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?  Once.

Have you ever forgotten your family/friends birthday?  No.   But I have forgotten my own.  And not on purpose.

Have you ever made cheesecake?  You betcha.  Kahluha cheesecake with a walnut crust.

Have you ever changed your appearance a lot in a short time?  I have this habit of letting my hair grow long, and then just one day deciding to cut it short (like by 12 inches).   I have also been a blond, brunette, and redhead.  And then there was that unfortunate swimming pool/chlorine incident in which my hair was green for 24 hours.

Have you ever eaten frog legs?  Ick, yes.

Have you ever eaten French food?  See above.  I've also had Chinese,Indian, Italian, Mexican, Scottish, and Thai. My favorite is Italian.  Mexican and Thai tie (hee) for second place.

Have you ever ridden a horse?  Yup.  Last time was March 2000 on the beach in Ixtapa, Mexico.

Have you ever swam in the ocean?  I have swam in both the Pacific and the Atlantic oceans. Major temperature difference.

Have you ever thought of something funny and started laughing out loud in the presence of others? Oh yeah.  This happens a lot when I'm reading a good book.  If you do it while riding the Seattle Public Transportation system, people tend to leave you alone.

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The cable appears to have gone out at the dog-sittin' place, and I don't know if I should bother calling the cable company.  They didn't hire me for that, but I've never been one to say "it's not my job".  Like yesterday I vacuumed the stairs because I couldn't stand the doghair, and it's not like they're paying me extra for that.  They come home on Monday, so it's not a big deal-- but it might be nice to have the service when they get there.  I guess I'll call, and if the cable company won't do anything because it's not my account, then I will have done all I can.

Oh look at that, it's time for lunch.  I brought a slimfast and carrot sticks.  Unless the cafe is open, and then I'll just get something cheap and disgusting.  Hooyah.

Tediousness

The one problem I see with having an online journal?  Occasionally it will slap you in the face with your life's monotony.

Nothing really happened today.  I got up, checked on the animals, took Sally to the airport [she and MaryAnn went to Key West for a couple days], took a nap, checked on the dogs, took another nap, went to the grocery store, and checked on the dogs.

Tomorrow I check on the dogs, work 7AM - 1PM, check on the dogs...  you see where I'm going with this?  Repeat for Saturday and Sunday.  The animal owners come home on Monday afternoon and I don't work on Tuesday, so I am SLEEPING IN, YO.

Ahem.

I apologize.

I know I'm too old to carry off that slang, but I'm just so excited about the new CSI episode tonight.

Oh, will this thrill ride never stop?


~Gertie

p.s.
I filled up the gas tank @ 5 this morning, and have already driven 163 miles.  Sigh.  I'm gonna get trucker-butt.

Quiz Show

Lassitude tells me that Damien is a "a flame-point himalayan".

And also, apparently it'is their fur that harbors the source of their fears.

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Took two quirky quizzes, and ooh baby am I am hot stuff.

  

In addition to these insightful results, my first paycheck since 2001 came in the mail; it was for the grand total of $32.57.  I am SO ready to be a suga-momma.

Any day now.

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I got to play with Miss Molly and then hung out with Sally and ET yesterday. They are trying to get their guest room set-up, and of course this requires a minimum of THREE trips to my church [Target]. I took them to my favorite branch, and dazzled these fledgling recruits with the brassy lighting and flashy coloring.

And that was just my hair.

We eschewed the altar of Starbucks, knelt briefly at the pew of children's Hell0 Kitty high-tops, barely resisted the temptation of the Demonic Video Department, and then finally confessed our desire for certain yard furniture.

It was a good day.

Eight is Enough

This trend towards using big plastic heads as product mascots?  Fucking freaky, man.

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Have you tried that H3rshey Take-5 candy bar yet? It is SO good that I almost wish I still smoked pot.

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Here's the menagerie that I have been caring for: 4 Shih Tzu mixes, 1 Jack Russell, 1 Black Lab, 1 Tabby, and the other cat (one time you actually want a picture to show red-eye and it doesn't).

The cat I call Damien? I have no idea what kind of cat it is, but lassitude has a good picture of one just like it. Poor kitty-cat isn't really evil, he's just really really REALLY scared of me.

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Terrific article on how there are plans to build a Deaf Town. Very exciting. Did you know that there used to be a large Deaf population on Martha's Vinyard? While researching for the book Everyone Here Spoke Sign Language, the author asked who was Deaf and who was hearing. Because everyone signed, nobody could remember who was what. Total acceptance and integration.

As it should be.

30 Day Chip

SATURDAY:
I was up early Saturday morning to check on the dogs and get to Seattle by 7am. I set the coffee pot to brew, but didn't get a chance to wash out my travel mug, so quickly substituted a can of slimfast. I met my supervisor and we had security [Otis] let us in to the training room. I asked where to move my truck, and Otis tells me that even though the sign says "we" shouldn't park there, it's fine to park my car across the street on weekends. I verified that my supervisor heard this too, so if they tow my truck (or just ticket it) the company better pick up the tab.

Of course, I'm such a neurotic freak that I'm probably gonna stress about this all day now*.

Last night I loaded more pictures onto my Flash, and have spent the last two hours this morning playing around with the watercolor feature. I think it would look bizarre to have a complete photo-album of just watercolored pictures, but until I can actually print some out I won't know what looks good.

I wish there was something more productive I could be doing here. I told MaryAnn to bring me her binders and I would do data-entry for her, so the next couple of shifts should go quicker. I'm trying not to whine, I know a lot of people would be thrilled to have a job where they got paid to fart around, but I'm used to actually working for my money. Then again, it's not that much money. I calculated my hours, miles driven, gas... and it will equal out to a take home pay of $7.86 hr. That's less than half what I used to make. On this dog-sitting thing I screwed myself too. I rattled off a quote without doing the necessary number crunching [hence the ID-10-T]. Three trips a day for 12 13 days equals out to about 6 bucks an hour. Woohooo. Yeah baby!

Now because I've whined I have to find something positive about these situations.

1) Okay, if I wasn't doing this I'd just be sitting at home with the Mom watching bad tv.
2) Some money is better than NO money.
3) Today's the Women's restroom is just directly across the hall.

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SUNDAY:
I have been pretty vigilant about avoiding the news channels, yet have still managed to be inundated with enough information about Terry Shiavo, The Pope, and Michael Jackson to keep reaffirming why I don't want to hear the news in the first place. Whether MJ's ex-employees are after his money or not, don't you find it hinky that NOT ONE FUCKING ADULT went to authorities after witnessing an abuse? What is the matter with these people?

I guarantee that if I saw some man with his hands up a little kids pants I wouldn't "quietly walk away and then make noise as I re-entered". Oh hell no. I'd be making noise the first time around, such as the noise of a bat slamming into the man's head. And then I'd kick him. Kick him hard. How could you leave a child with someone that you SAW committing a crime? Wouldn't/shouldn't that make them an accessory after the fact?

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I am now entering my 5th week without a cigarrette. If they were handing out 30-Day Chips for this, I'd ask for mine to be chocolate. Speaking of chocolate and all things evil, so far I seem to have stayed with just the 5-pound gain. It's hard to justify quitting when your reward is to just get fat(ter). Oh sure, some say that quitting can add 10 years to your life-- but generally one's last decade is spent wearing diapers and yelling at kids to get off the lawn.

I think I'd rather have a hasty exit.

Deep breath. Must say something positive now. Thinking...

Still thinking.

A-ha! Since I haven't been smoking I have saved approximately $140.

~Gertie

*my truck was still there, and no ticket

A Jim Croce-ish Entry

My fluffy ass is wiped out from driving to and fro and sitting bored at "work". Who knew doing nothing could make you feel so damn tired? Heh.

I have to be up at 5 to check on the dogs and get back here to shower/dress so I can be in Seattle to start my next boring shit shift by 7am.

Tonight I watched Sideways [liked it!], read a book, and then played around on the computers. We can use their systems but aren't allowed to surf the web. I just so happened to have my flash drive, and managed to keep myself busy for three hours using the photo-editor software.

I used photos that didn't look so hot or were too small and applied the watercolor technique. Since I don't have much else to babble about, I'll leave you with a couple of pics I did. The first two were taken in Scotland, and of course that last one there is my puddytat.




Have a great weekend...

Pimping Proactiv(R)

I'm not a famous celebrity and I don't get a kickback, so I'm not actually pimping Proactiv(R). I'm just regular Gertie, who has decided to climb up on my soapbox [free of charge] and spread the word.

All through school and up until I was 25 I had the most beautiful, perfect, blemish free skin. When I hit my mid-twenties, a series of events took place that caused my face to erupt with these nasty zits. Annoying pimples and painful volcano-like pustules. Oi, the horror. I tried Retin-A, tanning, scrubs, prescriptions, etc. Nothing worked to clear up my face.

Fast forward 10 years and MaryAnn orders me the Combination Therapy starter kit (cleanser, toner, repairing lotion) and the SPF15 moisture lotion from Proactiv(R). I tried it, AND. IT. WORKS. Those products alone have done wonders for my skin. And now that the acne is gone, I've been using the Skin Lightening Lotion to get rid of the dark spots on my face. Remarkably, that stuff really does work too.

So there you go, testimony by Gertie.

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In case you were interested, these are the exercise DVDs that I'm using:

• A.M. and P.M. Yoga for Beginners
  [this one is nice because is gives you both a morning and an evening routine.]
  
  
• Pilates Conditioning for Weight Loss
  [this includes beginning, intermediate and advanced levels]

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I have completed my 6th month of TB medication (hooyah). I thought my last day was July 5th, but turns out it's actually the 9th. Bummer? Not so much. I'll be in Scotland, so it's not like we're celebrating the 4th or anything.

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Second day of dog-watching and 2nd day of facilitator-ing. I have a longer shift tomorrow, so in addition to a book I'm bringing my laptop. This will give me the option of writing a journal entry, editing photos, and watching Sideways.

Here's hoping the dogs don't pee all over the place!

Big Balls

For weeks I've been stuck in a viscious cycle of remembering, then forgeting, remembering, then forgetting etc. Today I finally remembered what in the fuck I was trying to lookup online while sitting at the computer. Can I get a shout-out from the choir of angels now? Anyhoo, what I found out was that by pure accident I managed to purchase the correct size Exercise Ball.

I inflated it the other night (another benefit to having the electricity go out) with the hand pump they'd included for no extra charge. You can bet the next time I'll just take it to the fucking gas station.

So I now have the following exercise crap:

• AM/PM Yoga DVD
  
• Pilates DVD
  
• Exercise Ball (w/pump)
  
• Yoga Mat (w/carry strap)
  
• 3-lb hand weights
  
• Xlg Bottle of C13H18O2
  
• walking shoes
  
• yoga pants
  
• Hanes t-shirts

Pretty damn impressive even if I do say so myself. Even more impressive, though, would be if I actually used it.

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I was out of the loop with television for so long, that I'm just now catching up on all the shows I missed, like Nip/Tuck and Sex and the City. And since American shows air later in Europe, I won't have to buy a television license because I'll still be ahead of schedule.

Last night I watched SATC [A Woman's Right to Shoes" Episode: #6.9 - 17 August 2003]. Now normally I find Carrie kinda whiny (hell, ain't that the black pot) but last night I felt she had a point. Carrie went to a friends baby shower where the house rules forced her to remove her shoes. At the end of the night her shoes had been stolen by another guest. When she complained to her host, she got reprimanded for having no life and wasting $485 on meaningless things like shoes. WTF? I got all pissed off and full of righteous indignation -- Where does it say that the only way to have a life is to be married and having babies?

At the same time though, five hundred dollar shoes! Have you lost your fucking MIND? For that kinda dough I better be able to click three times...

Miracle on 34th Street 110th Place

I am getting paid to write this.  Well, not THIS specifically but I am being paid to sit here while employees do a survey and was told to read a book or whatever.  Kewel.

Nobody has come in yet to take the survey and I'm beginning to feel like maybe I'm in the wrong place.  I'm only scheduled to be here for two hours, so do I wait the whole time? There is a phone, but I already had to check in with the boss-man twice so I think I'll just sit here and bide my time.

Then I get to go to the dog-sitting job to pick up a key and instructions.  Starting tomorrow morning I have to go early and let the dogs out to pee, etc.

I am not a morning person.

This should be fun.

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Picked the Mom up from the airport last night.

Mom:   OH, you're going to miss your exit!
Me:       No, I'm not.
Mom:   Aren't you going to take that exit?
Me:       I could, but I'm taking the next one.
Mom:   But you should be taking this one.
Me:       Sometimes I do, but I prefer the other exit.
Mom:   Well, it's just not the right way to go.
Me:       Uh huh. Missed you.

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Ramona is a cat, which contrary to the whole "curiosity" thing really means that they prefer routines.  She gets up to eat at the crack of dawn with the Mom, goes outside, comes back inside to use the litter-box, goes back outside to finish the run-around, and then back once more where she bathes and then comes in to nap with me.

This routine has been a constant, so I was unprepared for the Miracle.

I was washing dishes (although the Mom might think so, this was not the miracle) and looked out the window to the back yard.  There was my baby, digging in the dirt.  I thought, oh jeez, she's killing something-- and looked away.  When I looked back, she was just sitting there looking around.  She turned and started to dig again. I thought, holy crap, she's going to go potty outside.  Then she stopped, turned, and looked around some more. And then she started to dig some more.  I'm thinking "No, No, that's too deep a hole-- she even has dirt on her head.  She has to be going after a critter".

Dishes now forgotten, I watched as this continued for another 5 minutes.  Finally she turned around, hovered over the dirt hole [I just knew ALL females hovered], and pooped.  I didn't want to startle her, so I waited til she was done covering it back up before I yelled out, "It's a fucking miracle!"

Now if we could only train the dog to bury it.

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Speaking of poop, I just realized that my birthday is in 2 weeks.  I can't believe I'm gonna be twenty-sixteen already.  Shouldn't we get some kind of prize for making it this far without killing anybody?

Getting old ain't so bad, though.  I gleefully look forward to the day when it's me driving someone else nuts, with kicky little exchanges like this one:

GMa:   When you go to Costco, I need you to pick up my medicine.  For me.  At Costco.
Me:       Sure, but at which Costco did you fill the prescription?
GMa:   You mean they are different?

Save the Boobies

Despite the fact that she sacrificed her poor feet (wince--DEEP blisters--wince) to help raise both awareness and funds for Breast Cancer Research last year, Minarae is walking in the 3DAY again this year. Click this button to see how YOU can help:

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You know that Old Spice deodorant commercial, the one with the hot chick in leather pants dancing? When I first saw it I didn't think "(snort) I bet the boys love THAT" or even "wow, sexay". Nuh uh. My dork meter was on full alert with this Nobel prize winner: "ohmygawd it would be impossible to get those pants off all sweaty like that!"

This, of course, then leads to a flashback from the Friends episode when Ross wore leather pants on a date...


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Friday I had my orientation/training for my floating facilitator temp job. Oh the Joy. I arrive, get a look at all the other temp workers, and make my thousandth wish for a camera phone. In lieu of phone I made sure to take diligent notes.

I was the only person wearing proper casual business attire. By this I mean I had on slacks (quite beautiful ones, really), a blouse, boots and a sweater with my hair pulled back. There was one, ahem, lady wearing some kind of capri pant with a tube-top thingy and flip flops. I kid you not. And another one had really fucked up hair and not in that I just spent two hours and multiple hair products to style it this way hair but more like I just rolled out of bed and put on my boyfriends t-shirt that was laying on the floor hair.

Let's get back to the flip-flops. White shoes (tennis shoes are exempt) or open-toe shoes should NEVER be worn before Memorial Day (although some say Easter) or after Labor Day.

Yes, 1948 called and they want my standards back.

Which reminds me... if you're going to wear shoes that show your feet, at the very least you should invest in a pedicure to remove any crud- because that's just plain nasty and shouldn't be inflicted on others.


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Since I was completely channeling my grandmother I can now say the following with heartfelt snobbery: how bad is it that I was in with that group of losers?

I have a good resume and great skills, proven track record and according to some an engaging personality. But nobody has wanted to hire me, and the only job I could get was dog watching and working as a temp with people who have no experience. I'm not turning all Nancy Kerrigan on ya, but my self-esteem IS taking a major beating here.

[Heh, I made a double pun]


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Saturday I spent hanging pictures and making art-work for the Mom. She comes back from her trip tonight and I wanted to have the house finished. I was only into the 3rd hour of Nip/Tuck when the power went out. The one nice thing about living in the city during a power outage? The plumbing still works. Woohoo.

Three points to note:
1) flashlights need to be placed strategically around the house in order to find them during a power outage

2) flashlights need to have batteries in order to work during a power outage.

3) if you have a gas stove you can still heat water. Or soup.

Sunday I spent doing data entry for MaryAnn. In between I watched Finding Neverland and Secondhand Lions . Today I am cleaning the house, visiting with Gma, and then later picking the Mom up from the airport. Starting tomorrow [and lasting until the 22nd] I am going to have a completely mad-dash schedule. Money, Money, Mon-ey. MON-EEE!

Back to the Future

Okay, regression stopped. I spent yesterday running errands for Sally, washing the dog bedding, and getting (not giving, mind you) the dog a bath. Then once I got home I did the dishes, cleaned, and rearranged both the sitting room and the living room.

At 1:30 I sent text messages to the family in regards [tag!] to it being the 1st of April [gotcha sistahs].

By 2:30 I was sawing logs.

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I got the paying dog-sitting gig. I have to put food down, and then let all SIX of them out three times a day for twelve days.

As soon as I agreed to this a high(er) paying job came up, of course. When I told "them" I couldn't start at 10, but could work 12-7 instead-- they passed on me. Figures. And it would have been nice if they could have told me that. The didn't even call me back. I only found out they passed because I made the inquiry two days later. I guess THEY have a job and don't feel the need to be professional or anything.

Fuckers.

Anyway, that means I took the not-as-high paying sporadic gig that has me driving all over the fucking place, even down to Olympia. I don't get paid travel time, but I will be paid to basically sit there and read my book while employees fill out surveys for the hospital.

Oh the glamour.

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I have an orientation today from 2-5. It's in a crappy area where the traffic will completely SUCK at 5 o'clock, so I'm going to dash up the hill to visit with Gma (yay) before I drive back and then over to the dog sitting place to do another orientation there. That's pretty much gonna wipe out my day, so maybe Ginnie and I can go to a movie tomorrow.

I want to see The Upside of Anger or maybe Sin City. Ginnie is more inclined to see something like Beauty Shop or The Pacifier.

Wish ME luck.